Cato Woods

But you’re not wearing short shorts and your bra isn’t hanging out. Mom says that’s what strippers look like.

Jesus, how incorrupt are you exactly? I mean, I could arrange something that may possibly corrupt you, free of charge?

Most people do, Mr. America.

Now you even got me a little pet name, that's cute. I'm going to keep you around. Yeah, I reckon I will, in my heart. 

I’d go with the red ones, because you have to wear something red if you want your New Year’s to go good and have a fantastic new year ahead. I like the ones where it says Spank Me on the back - oh! or the Marvel ones! 

That's just superstitious, I doubt that's hardly real and if it was, I'd be wearing red everything. I'd even dye my hair red, I'll bathe in red slush. Those weren't even my options?! But now looking at, the ones with spank me on the back look promising, but I'm not wearing superheroes on my ass. 

Oh, save yourself the trouble. I’d rather have Aves back.

Well today must be your lucky day, Aves is coming back. Unless you've been counting down the days till your lesbian love affair returns, then that's pretty sad.

What about no underwear?

I don't think your boyfriend would be my biggest fan if I followed your commands, plus I've already done that- nothing new.

You’re a stripper? You don’t look like one. Why wouldn’t they wear pants? If they’re going to take clothes off, they have to have clothes on to begin with!

I find that very offensive, I could be a stripper- I am a stripper; Is there any need to think so literal about it all?

I didn’t know picked out underwear specifically for New Years was a big deal…

In my department of employment, it's a pretty big deal. 

America, obviously.

I like your thinking.

Won’t they be under your pants? Unless you’re gonna sag your pants, and then you could get the kind that  have something written on the butt!

Under my pants? Who do you think I am? Mother Theresa? No stripper wears pants on stage, most strippers don't even wear any article of clothing whatsoever. You have a lot to be educated on, young one. 

The flag of America is always a good choice but this time I’m gonna say you should pick the others.

I don't know, the size of those- I could fit two Cato Junior's and that's saying a lot. 

I mean, the flag ones would definitely show your support for America.

I'm half Italian- since my mom moved to Italy, I'm basically half Italian now.