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-you guys turn in your assignments, that’s so selfish of you 

-have any of you ever been on a sinking ship? Other than this university? Or the American republic in general 

-and then in this next Federalist painting we have the image of the Bible upside down in the hands of Democratic Republicans, because subtlety

-there is a solution to that, and that is called alcohol 

-yeah it’s not particularly diplomatically conducive to assassinate the leaders of the country you’re trying to wage an alliance with. It would be like if Biden met with Trudeau and shot him.

-the US calling their 1790s an “Indian problem” is like Russia saying they currently have a “Ukraine problem”   

-Thomas Jefferson coined the term “coo coo bananas.” It’s right there in the Declaration of Independence 

-*students point out that Tennessee and Kentucky are mislabeled on a professional academic 21st century map of early American colonies* so anyway–

-(student) do you want us to write our essay as if we’re addressing someone who doesn’t know anything about the American revolution, like our past essays?

(professor) Just write it like an essay, Skyler, Jesus  

-the french motto is “liberty, equality, fraternity.” now this doesn’t mean that all the men are going to join a group and paddle each other while drunk, but lots of shit happened during the french revolution, so who knows 

-I know what you’re all thinking–but what about the serial killer polygamist?!! 

-and because every artist thought they were a poet in the 18th century, there is a horrible rhyme at the end of this political cartoon 

-*trips over a wet floor sign* what are you trying to assassinate me for?

-profilers have feelings too, I guess. Actually no, no they don’t, what am I fucking saying 

-i stole all the textbooks so you don’t have to 

-if anyone is bored enough to read John Locke–

Sylvia Plath