ִ ࣪𖤐 𝐁𝐀𝐃 𝐌𝐎𝐎𝐍 RISING

of course you'd enjoy making of anyone a mess thanks to your presence and beauty. you're almost cruel but that's what makes you even cooler but i am not gonna lie there, i hate to make a fool of myself and that usually happens when i see you around. i am 36 now for god's sake! i am supposed to keep my shit together after all these years. anyway, anyway lady. i will try to keep my composure next time and you will enjoy seeing me failing again. can i repeat how happy i was to see you there last week? and these morning streches? you should post about it every morning even when you are not on a yacht. just saying. just a suggestion. tell me... how are you now that you're back at home? are you feeling better? things got solved? i am still worried about you. i know things were not easy for you during that trip. did you regret about going? of course not because of me because i know for a fact that you had fun torturing me a little just with being at your presence, but you know what i mean. and you don't need cocktails to open your heart, you're safe and you need to take everything out of your chest lady. i might not be the best at doing it but i know for a fact, that once you do it, you start seeing things differently. i did that with my ex during the trip, and god, i feel much lighter now. so, i recommned to do it, talk to me, your closest friend or whoever you want but express what you feel.

Not deliberately cruel, darling. I would never. I also would never brag about how easy it is to make me you blush, or act a fool, so that's been safe with me. We all have our images to uphold, and even the more cool of people have their restraints cut off. No matter what age we are, either. And it'll be my upmost pleasure every single time, but i mean it, i really enjoyed the company in cancun and the extremely friendly face, it was frankly exactly what i needed. I just hope it something that doesn’t have to stay put in paradise and i can actually get the delight of your beautiful presence again soon. Oh darling, you do make me laugh. But who knows, maybe i'll turn my early morning borning yoga into a series, out of your encouragement. Even if it is far better upon a yacht . Everything is. Better, in a sense that i'm home. Solved ? not exactly. It was never going to be that easy, eiza. It still isn’t. But, as it was, i'll be okay, you're a dear for worrying. & Not to say the teasing torture wasn’t my favourite part, because it was. But, do i regret it ? No. Which, is insane, i know. But, there was one night there before we left that, the silence didn’t entirely fall. But anyway, you're right, and i do hope we can just, talk again soon. Like we did. Around all the "teasing" part of it all, you made me feel far more comfterble than i thought was possible, so thank you. I never imagined our reunion would be bearing my heart out about an ex, only for you to somehow remind me i'm human. Even if sometimes i certainly don't feel like it.

Our expanded Jenna and catherine mindfulness time, it really has been making those earlier starts less agonising, darling. I went and did a little homework, and well, from the trailer alone i could could already feel my blood pressure rising, so that's exactly what your mother just loves to hear. But oh ? you know, if there's a whole realm to one of the films, i'm actually quite intrigued. So i've heard, and i do love that more young creatives are getting a platform and chance, even if i'm about to have double the nightmares. But its' fine, it's okay. I'd do anything for you miss Jenna.

PRIVATE: I'm not proud of the fact i held that heavinesses for this long, held it until it really affected me, cara mia...but i was so blinded. I felt so stupid. So idiotic, like someone throwing a tantrum because i wasn’t getting my own way, but far more aggressively. And out of every bad thing that entire day that she called me, the second she called me crazy, I slapped her. And that's the part that's kept me awake at night, kept me feeling so utterly ill to my stomach. And what pushed me to my limits the night she handled me in such a state i wished she never had to see me in, at all. It's like i couldn't even hide behind the "I hate you" facade, i was hiding behind. I resented her, but i never hated her. I couldn’t. And i still don't. I know you care, which is why it made me upset having to even tell you all this; but i need you to know, and i promise you this, i'm taking care of myself. Despite, what's currently happening with Cate, i'm really...really trying, billie. We ended up talking. Surprisingly, as if it hadn’t already been a sick joke sharing a room; the night before we left, she had the same idea as i did, getting and early night. Neither of us could sit in that silence. And then suddenly, i found myself admitting that i didn’t want her to disappear, but how do you go from there billie. It just feels like trying to put shards of glass back together, it just aches when you try. And i'm just....exhausted. Because i wish i didn’t love her as much as i still do, it's sick. And thank you for letting me just, stick around when i needed it during those last few days in cancun. I know you're going to tell me i never need to say thank you at all, but shush, let me, i don't care how long we've known one another. You and Pedro showed me kindness when i needed it, and you, are the one important person in my life who always does, i love you even more, my darling. Always will

The faint crease between her brows—that Cate had once known how to smooth away with a touch or a stupid joke—caught her attention again. For a second, she froze when she heard Catherine’s voice once more. She thought she would say something, that she would give her any signal. Her body tensed and grew alert at the sound of that “I” that had left Catherine’s mouth. She waited. She begged for something. But it didn’t come. For a second she thought she had hallucinated, but no—she was not drunk enough to hear things that didn’t exist. She kept waiting… until Catherine instead made a comment about the bottle. And that was it.The blonde moved her head slightly, not turning to look back at the Welsh woman. Instead, she simply took another sip from her drink and let out a content sigh accompanied by a soft hum. She didn’t reply this time. She was not giving her anything in return. She took another shaky sip from the glass just to steady herself, the whiskey burning a path down her throat, as she felt like some inconvenient ghost that Catherine had to tolerate for one more miserable night. She had never imagined what it was like to still love someone this much and be met with indifference. Cate pressed her lips together hard, trying to hold it back, but the dam was already cracking. Her eyes stung. She could feel the heat rising in her face, the familiar pressure behind her nose. She set the glass down on the nearest surface with a sharp click before she dropped it and then, without turning to look at her and with her voice cracked, she said in a soft almost defeated tone, “I thought that tonight maybe... maybe we could... Maybe have at least a small talk. But you won’t even look at me properly. And I must confess that I feel ridiculous.” She continued after wiping a tear with the back of her hand, frustrated for showing herself weak again, so she cut herself off with a harsh breath, shaking her head. “If this was revenge, I must admit you do it so well. You win and I got what I deserved.” Cate said this as she walked back slowly, trembling slightly, her eyes once again watered by tears. The silence that followed her outburst felt louder than anything she’d said. Cate’s gaze dropped to the floor, to her bare feet against the plush carpet, anywhere but at the woman who still held far too much power over her heart. She waited. One heartbeat. Two. Hoping against all reason that this time Catherine would say something real. That the wall would crack. That the woman she’d fallen so helplessly in love with would finally let her see behind the armor. But the longer the quiet stretched, the more Cate felt herself fracturing right there in the middle of the suite. “It’s fine darling. Don’t say nothing at all… this nightmare will end soon and you don’t have to deal with this ever again” she said softly, pretending she was not crying, but the tears would not stop falling down her cheeks. She sniffed her nose as she fixed her bed to get into it after finishing her drink. Sitting on the edge of the bed with her back to Catherine so she wouldn’t see her tears, she waited until her glass was empty, trying to keep herself busy with her phone and avoiding any sobs. She put her glass down, laid on bed still with her back to Catherine. A long silence was broken again by Cate but not in the ordinary way, this time, it was a text sent by the aussie to catherine, maybe she didn't want to talk but she had to take out of her chest just one more thing, so Catherine's phone buzzled and the text sent by the blonde lying near by read "I thought we could remain as friends... sorry about it and everything else. CB" Cate shut her phone and put it down, she turned the light of her side off and cuddled up against her pillow as the tears keep rolling down her cheeks "don't say nothing at all" she whispered "you don't have to. that was my last text or and these my last words to you" she said before pretending she would sleep.

Catherine didn’t talk just yet. With a trembling thumb, she typed back a clinical, devastating "I'm sorry." She let it send, watching the screen illuminate with the delivery confirmation, hearing the sharp, electronic ping echo from Cate's side of the room. She let that silence fill the suite until it became a physical pressure she could no longer endure. "This isn't some cruel game I am playing..." Her voice finally drifted through the dark, low and smoky, carrying the heavy texture of a velvet curtain drawing shut. She could feel the burning heat rushing to her cheeks, but she stubbornly refused to grant a sob the satisfaction of escaping. Her teeth caught the plush edge of her bottom lip as her eyes hooded closed. Her silhouette remained rigidly turned away, a dark shadow carved against the mattress, while her gaze bled back down into the cold, digital ink still glowing on her screen. "I don't want you to disappear," she admitted, her voice cracking under the sudden, immense weight of the confession. "I don't want this to be how things remain between us. God—" She cut herself off, a slight, quiet frustration hitching in her chest. "I just—" She swallowed hard, fighting the suffocating air for breath. "I just don't know where we... how do you go back to where we left things ? Even as friends. When looking at one another is just as painful" Catherine went entirely silent for a beat, letting the stillness rush back in to swallow them both. When she spoke again, her signature velvet voice was fractured into something entirely unrefined, almost unrecognizable. "I feel like everything is... broken," she murmured into the dark. "And I know you feel that too. Trying to force the shattered pieces back into place will drive us both insane. It already has."

Hurt, thoughtful, and still a little drunk, tears streamed down her face beneath the running water. Her trembling hands scrubbed at her already irritated skin far too harshly, as though punishing herself might somehow silence the desperate urge to fix everything. Her forehead rested against the marble wall while the water ran down her back, repeating the same things to herself over and over again. Be quiet. Stay away. Leave her alone. Cate lost track of time completely. She remained beneath the warm water far longer than any normal person would have. Even after wrapping herself in her robe, she stayed in the bathroom for what felt like forever. She simply wasn't brave enough to walk back out. Not brave enough to look at Catherine and feel that coldness all over again. To leave her speechless. To force her into another interaction she clearly didn't want. She needed to stop acting like an idiot. The blonde spent extra time taking care of her skin, drying her hair, exchanging messages with two of her children. Only when the redness around her eyes had faded enough to hide the fact that she'd been crying, and when the alcohol had mostly left her system, did she finally decide it was time to leave. Dressed in a soft yellow silk nightgown with a matching white robe, her hair dry and her skin still flushed from how aggressively she'd scrubbed it, Cate stood there gathering the courage to open the door. Her hand lingered on the handle as she took a deep breath and silently prayed Catherine would either be gone or asleep. She wasn't. Catherine was still there. Awake. Sitting nearby. Cate cursed inwardly. This time she said nothing. She only offered a small smile politely as she walked toward the vanity. She needed a Tylenol or something for the headache that was beginning to settle in, though perhaps it wasn't a hangover at all. Maybe it was simply tension. Maybe she'd spent too much time overthinking. Now she was the one who didn't know what to say. So she stayed silent. She bit the inside of her cheeks to keep herself from speaking, from complaining, but most of all from breaking down and crying again as she searched through her belongings. And all the while she could feel Catherine's presence there beside her—closer than ever, and somehow farther away than she'd ever been. She failed. She didn't find anything in there and suddenly she snapped, throwing her bag in a rough way "You know what?! i need another drink. i hope you don't mind" she said annoyed walking to the mini bar in the suite to open one of the bottles that were there and make herself a drink.

It was mere minutes later that Catherine — the very picture of sheer, unbothered elegance, looking as though she hadn’t just been completely on the verge of crumbling — was sitting comfortably back against her pillows. She had picked up the book from her bedside table, handling it as though that alone could successfully occupy her mind. Truthfully, it hadn’t done a single thing to distract her, but she would try nonetheless. She kept her gaze fixed stubbornly on the page, forcing her focus onto the text, refusing to let her eyes flick over toward Cate even for a second after she heard the sound of the running shower stop. The silhouette was caught from the corner of her eye, but she hadn’t focused back up, not yet. Catherine didn't flinch when Cate's announced filled the air. Instead, her dark eyes finally tracked the movement of the soft yellow silk nightgown as Cate marched toward the minibar, a striking, painful contrast to her own obsidian robe. The sheer absurdity of it all hung in the humid air "You can have a drink," Catherine added softly. Her shoulders fell just a fraction. "You don't have to ask for my permission..." The delivery was gentle, almost lighthearted, but still somehow neutral — but a genuine reminder that, regardless of the wreckage of this situation, this room was still Cate's as much as it was hers. Immediately after speaking, Catherine desperately trailed her eyes back to the pages before her. It was a visible effort; it almost physically strained her to resist reacting to the sudden shift in the Aussie's body language, or to the sharp, rhythmic sound of the alcohol being poured across the room. Catherine's eyes narrowed ever so slightly, catching that semi-frantic movement. And there it was again: that lump caught in her throat, the air inhaling through her nose becoming slightly hotter, heavier. Slowly, she let the book rest flat against her legs. Her untouchable expression finally fell; a crease appeared between her brows—faint, but undeniably there. There was no coldness left in her features now, no stoic mask to shield her. To Catherine, being utterly unable to brush this sudden expression, these treacherous feelings and thoughts, back under lock and key felt like a fate far worse than death. This vulnerability was a part of her, no matter how desperately she wanted to control it. No matter how much she wanted to just sit there and pay no attention to the sharp sound of Cate clicking the glass against the bottle, the noise pinged something raw deep inside her. "I—" The single syllable fell from her lips before she sharply paused. She allowed herself to breathe, just for a solitary moment, her tongue darting out to lick her bottom lip as she stopped herself from unleashing words that felt like jumping off a cliff. "Try not to drink the whole bottle," she added softly. Those weren’t the words she wanted to say. God, they weren’t the thoughts she desperately needed to voice. She wanted to tell Cate that she wasn’t ignoring this. She wasn’t ignoring what had happened between them. Frankly, she was haunted by every single detail, every hour of every day since. From the exact moment she awoke in the morning to the rare, agonizing second she managed to let her body rest at night, it was slowly killing her. But it felt entirely unfair to let those heavy words fall now. It felt cruel to let those suffocating thoughts surface while the blonde was intoxicated, standing defensively by the minibar, already pushed to her absolute limit.

My knees tended to get weak whenever you approached me. I knew there was something different about you. Only two women have ever had that effect on me: Rosamund and you. So when I saw my chance with you, I took it, and I don't regret it at all. Absolutely not. I had the best time. Your company was exquisite every single time I had the opportunity to spend time with you. The awful thing now? My knees still shake a little when you're around. I confirmed that over the past few days, every time you walked past me, you completely changed the energy of the place. You're insanely beautiful. It's almost cruel for those who only get to admire you from afar. So thank you for sharing that evening with me. Thank you for properly catching up with me and telling me everything about your divorce, your kids, Wednesday, and your upcoming projects... but especially thank you for being vulnerable with me when it comes to Cate. And I am sorry if I freaked out a little when I realized which Cate we were talking about. Anyway, if you ever need to vent or release some of that accumulated tension, I'm still that Eiza who loved running to you just to help you forget things for a little while. I mean it. Maybe not in bed anymore, or who knows. but you know what i mean. I am not that young anymore, I have been through a lot and I feel like you need a friend to talk and vent and being brutally honest about your thoughts, your feelings... and i am here for that, even I still think you need to start being that honest, open, and kind with yourself first but i am here... to reminding you these things.

Don't be too modest, darling. You make people weak in the knees the moment you look their way! Though I won't pretend I didn't enjoy your reaction... because I did. Far too much. You've just always been wonderfully easy to tease, and that’s what makes being around you so effortless. Whatever happened in the past stays there, and I don't regret a single second of it either. Just as I certainly don’t regret making this little reunion happen, in fact, I'm so incredibly thrilled it did. I was almost about to just pull you away that night, but I thought that would've been far too rude, even if I know you'd enjoy it. Anyway, darling... your words, then and here now. They've always stuck with me. You tend to have this magical, poetic flow about how you talk and it's quite... mesmerizing. You're not only breathtakingly beautiful, but how you see the world ? How you see things. That's why I was pulled to you in the first place. And yes, I'm entirely being selfish here and enjoying these terribly sweet compliments. So thank you for that, too. And please, don't be sorry. What's better then getting your celebrity gossip first hand ? Besides, you stayed and listened to the baggage I was laying out when you could've been immersed in far more that night, but you listened. So again, thank you. It felt like relieving a creak in my neck. One that is, unfortunately, still there... so I just might hold you to that offer. The tension I've been carrying lately is enough to spend weeks in a massage chair. But above all, it was just nice knowing I could trust you, Eiza. As you can with me, darling. That goes both ways. You're still as cheeky as ever, I see. I'll keep that in mind. But I know... and you know I'm not the greatest at spilling out how I'm feeling without far too many cocktails inside me. But well, it's far better to know exactly what I'm saying these days when i'm around the right people. Far more clear headed.

Darling i already miss those morning yoga sessions by the pool, it went by far too quickly. But you, my sweet jenna made it far more peaceful and lord knows i needed that extra little shake of relaxation before reality hit us again. Please, the addams daily yoga sessions would catch such traction, i think we should. Get everyone to mellow out. And trust me Jenna, you were the least traumatising thing i dealt with on this trip, frankly the horror felt like the greatest little paradise distraction. So i'll give you that ! Tell me more ? and include which one will have me potentially sleeping less....but you know my answer's always going to be yes. Just warn your poor mama.

As she turned toward the mirror, she noticed the irritation across her pale skin caused by the sun and her terrible sensitivity, her cheeks and nose flushed pink, the redness spreading down her shoulders and chest. She brushed her fingertips gently over her skin as if inspecting the damage before sighing quietly and stepping away, almost brushing against Catherine as the brunette opened a bottle of water. The silence returned again. Panic flooded her for a moment. She must’ve bothered her again. Made her uncomfortable with the suggestion. Just when she thought she had finally learned how to control her mouth around Catherine, clearly she hadn’t. Cate was already preparing to escape into the bathroom and lock herself in there for at least an hour beneath scalding water when Catherine broke the suffocating silence first. Cate looked up at the beautiful, slender figure standing in front of her. Beautiful in a devastating kind of way, honestly dangerous for her own wellbeing. She could only smile softly and nod. “Yes, it was nice. I ran into Sarah and Naomi… they definitely know how to have a good time. I stole a little of their moment before more people joined us, people I barely even remember now,” she confessed. “But I got overwhelmed. Too much noise… too much… attraction between two people. I didn’t belong there.” She stopped herself before giving too many details about Sarah and Naomi. Instead, she walked toward her bed and sat carefully at the edge of it, her hands resting over her thighs. This time, though, she looked directly at Catherine without looking away. Almost as if the other woman had unknowingly given her permission to have a normal conversation again. Something lighter. Easier. A shy smile crossed her lips. “I haven’t slept… I’m exhausted,” she admitted quietly. “I try to sleep but I guess being away from home… in a place with so many people and so many things I don’t fully understand is driving me insane.” She laughed softly, but eventually the truth serum effect of the alcohol won again. “The truth is… I haven’t been sleeping well knowing you’re here. Not because of anything bad — I mean… it’s not that I can’t stand you or anything. But you know what I mean, right?” Her voice softened as she looked at her carefully. “ It’s complicated and so odd being this close to you and yet not really having you at all and feeling like two strangers who can't even breath the same air whitout feeling... like to strangers”

But Catherine's aim to shield herself didn’t hold up long. Instead, her eyes flickered out toward the breeze briefly, as though she had caught herself—that tiny, heavy feeling growing within her chest like a physical weight. She pushed a strand of long black hair behind her ear, the silk of her sleeve whispering in the quiet. "It's not even just here." Her eyes met Cate's again, slightly more somber now, weighed down by the fact that the mere luxury of rest had felt entirely impossible as of late. As of now. "Strangers," Catherine eventually repeated. The word left her tongue with a slow, acknowledging sense of dread — a sharp, quiet ache at the realization that that was exactly what they were. "I don't hate you" The words left her lips suddenly, as though her brief silence had forced a private thought out loud — except it wasn't accidental. It was the absolute truth, cutting straight through the wreckage of everything they had done to one another. After the venom they’d spat, after the physical and mental scars they had so viciously inflicted, they should have been enemies. But they weren't. Not after the way Cate had cast all that wreckage aside just to pull her back from the edge of that terrifying night. How all of this wreckage couldn’t even hold a candle to sharing a room. There was a moment where she parted her lips again, as though to say something more, but nothing released. Until it did. "I... I don't know what else to say right now without feeling as though this room is about to cave in."She shook her head quickly, stopping herself before she could unravel any further. Catherine didn’t even know why she had said those words — why she would willingly sabotage the safety of that harrowing awkwardness. But she had. Maybe it was the lack of sleep, the sudden downfall of armor, yet Catherine had somehow managed to design a brand of torture far more exquisite than the stoic silence, the cold physical pain she’d been putting herself through: telling someone she once loved... exactly how she was actually feeling.

“Yeah… I think I’m staying in… my social battery ran out for today. I need a bath… and sleep… lots of sleep,” she assured her because the truth was that she had barely rested during that trip. Contrary to what Catherine probably believed, Cate was good at pretending to be asleep while Catherine settled in every night and eventually drifted off, and only then could Cate leave the bed, step out onto the balcony to read, rehearse her lines for her new play and simply think while the sound of the waves tried to drown out her most destructive and painful thoughts as she remained painfully aware that the woman she loved was sleeping only a few feet away from her. “I thought you’d go to one of the parties or gatherings tonight,” she finally said after freeing one of her shoes. “I heard several people are going to one of the beach clubs… I’m too old for that,” she added with another smile, something new in the dynamic between them. “I don’t want to ruin anyone’s party, so I came back to sleep,” she said as she slipped off the other shoe and stood up, walking barefoot around the room searching for comfortable clothes. “Did you have dinner?” she asked. Again, the alcohol gave her enough courage and confidence to keep the conversation going. “I tried the paella and it was delicious… but I ended up ordering a sushi roll… with guacamole. Exotic mix of cultures… but delicious,” she assured while moving gracefully and elegantly around the room, grabbing her robe, tying her hair into a messy bun and doing all those little things to stop herself from freezing under Catherine’s presence like she always did. “If you haven’t eaten, you can order room service… I ordered some last night and they were fast. Doesn’t being by the ocean make you hungrier? Or is it all the bullshit activities they’ve been forcing us to do here?” again, Cate talked, she didn't ran away, maybe she was not crossing glances with her but she was more talkative, less shy and she was not trying to avoid at all cost but what else she could do? judging by Catherine's robe, she was not planning to leave the suite that night, and she was too tired and tipsy to leave it and go somewhere to wait until catherine fell asleep. her options? just keep it chill, ad hoping one of them would go to bed first so they didn't have to share more than the necessary... it was already too much being at the same place, at the same time and observing one another spending time and having fun with different people, in another world, or time, they would be together having the best time and not able to keep their hands off each other.

It felt like a lie. In truth, the sharp peak of anxiety in her chest was the real reason she wanted to hide under the covers for the rest of the night, why food was the last thing on her mind. But seeing the look in Cate's eyes, Catherine didn’t want to shed any worry."But... perhaps maybe I'll order room service later," she added with a slight shrug, finally sitting down on the edge of the bed she’d just fixed. As the Welsh woman sat, looking up at the hyper-focused, beautifully awkward blonde standing across from her, a sudden panic hit her. She didn’t want that suffocating silence to fall over them again. Clearing her throat, Catherine's lips parted. "I'm sensing you had a good evening though... yes ? " Maybe it was just her wanting to fill the silence. Or maybe she had a genuine urge to feel somewhat normal in the situation handed to them—this completely batshit situation. Catherine was utterly exhausted by the rigid small talk, but no part of her wanted it to simmer away. Her curiosity peaked, and she let herself cross the room toward the mini-bar, pulling out a bottle of water. As she twisted the lid open, entirely focused on the task, she became acutely aware of how much closer they had gotten. The air between them grew thick, charged with a history that refused to stay buried. With a tight, apologetic nod of acknowledgment, Catherine bluntly asked, "Have you been able to sleep ?" In this oppressive heat, it seemed like an obvious thing to ask. Yet, the moment those words abruptly left her lips, the heavy, unspoken weight underneath them hung suspended in the air—because they both knew she wasn't asking about the temperature.

PRIVATE: It's like an ongoing headache trying to...piece it all together. But, things had been good. Really good, cara mia. Until a couple months back, it was around easter. I'd mentioned about coming to visit during her daughters birthday and she just told me it was something small, so not to bother changing my schedule . You know, just her and the kids. Something i understood completely. Until, well, it was far more than just "something small" and at first it was so silly. I thought i was overreacting. But that wasn’t the first time. And it hurt, billie. I went from feeling as though things were progressing so intensely... to me feeling like i was completely hung out to dry. Like this wasn’t serious to her. I was just her casual stop, from a woman I loved. Which, any healthy partner would communicate that. Well, about two weeks later she came to visit me on the wednesday set and things just...blew up. She'd gotten jealous over something that wasn’t even happening. But i didn’t defuse it, billie. I used it against her. She hurt me so i hurt her. I just...i'd let myself completely sabotage everything we were building and i utterly hated her for it. I did things and said things i wish i hadn’t. But we both did. And then she left. It was over, i didn’t ever wanna see her face again. And then i did, at that devil wears prada premiere. Oh billie...i need to be very clear before i tell you the rest of this story, i'm okay now and i really didn’t wanna worry you when i know it's not an easy subject. But that night i'd done a very stupid thing... i'd been on new medication and i drank far far too much, because i couldn’t stand that she was in that room. And low and behold, the one person i didn’t wanna see up close again was also the one person who selflessly after everything got me out of the place without wandering eyes and home safe because i couldn’t do anything, it was the first time in a very very long time i'd put myself in such dangerously idiotic position. She got someone to check up on me and well... i didn’t like the person i was that night or recently. I didn’t remember much, so the morning after i got situated somewhere and took a few day away, to just, get some help. Just to rest my head. I'd eventually messaged her, told her i didn’t just...disappear, that i wasn’t a complete monster. And now we're here. It's been awkward. It's like i'm holding my breath because there's a stranger sleeping across from me. And darling, i love you...i love you more than my heart can beat, but i wouldn’t even think about crashing with you and pedro. I wouldn’t wanna be the reason i take away the little time we have left here... I'll survive. And if i don't ? then i take back what i just said and I'll come knock at your door. I just, i know this is a lot of information and i don't expect you to say much, but i just need a close friend right now. I just also didn’t want you to keep worrying, even if this doesn’t at all help that.

I have a certain weakness for ladies with that level of confidence, determination, and power. You’ve always been that kind of woman. I have the feeling that if I had stayed, I would have been fucked because I fall in love easily.... ask the last five or different boyfriends I’ve had in a short amount of time. And you had that thing… I don’t know how to explain it. So when I felt there was danger, I ran to hide. But sweet Lord, you really left a lasting impression on me. I still fangirl over you every time I see you on screen. I’m such a sucker for your character. Anywho… do you and Michael still have that agreement? Or is it true that you’re divorced? DeuxMoi said you were getting divorced, but I don’t know what to believe anymore… and I would never ignore you. Who could do that? I could bring some tequila sunrises to wherever you are, just to show you that I’m really okay with you, with the past, and I don’t know… just to show you how much I still admire and respect you.

You sweet, dangerous creature. You’ve always tried to charm me with your words, but please, don’t be too modest, darling. I didn’t just go around inviting every young, beautiful woman into our world. You were the one who caught my eye the most. Really, it was terribly hard not to notice you... you had this exquisite mix of confidence and determination that I simply couldn't resist too. But I do think it was best for everyone involved that we cut things loose when we did, ma chérie. Yes, we were all grown, but you were still so young. It was never meant to be anything more than what it was — even if the heart doesn't always play by the rules, it's the risk with these things. That being said... if these five boyfriends of yours couldn’t handle you, it is entirely their loss. There will always be an unfortunate few fools on the road ahead. From the brief time we shared, I saw that magnificent spark in you, and I know you are never a woman who would let anyone dampen it, especially not a man. I certainly wouldn’t tolerate seeing anyone try, so good riddance to them all. Still, I am forever flattered that I left such an impression on you. Even if it did come with a tad of annoyance at the time! But as I said, it’s all in the past, and I truly adore getting to see you again — as breathtakingly gorgeous as ever. And who knows ? Perhaps you'll find a way to step out from behind that screen, stop 'fangirling,' and I’ll finally get to see those talents of yours up close. With me right there beside you. As for Michael ? That agreement is long gone, darling. Whatever that god-awful DeuxMoi site is whispering, it’s a divorce and another breakup behind in news. Michael and I are still very much in touch, very close, but... I am a lone cat now.So, a reunion over Tequila Sunrises ? Consider it a firm plan, my sweet eiza. I expect you to tell me absolutely everything you’ve been up to.

@cathzejones

"Are you... staying in too ?" Catherine finally asked. It felt like a stupidity obvious question to throw back at cate, but they were the only words able to leave her lips. Her dark eyes narrowed slightly, tracking the blonde’s movements with a careful, deliberate intensity. In the close air of the room, she felt a sudden sensation of suffocation—yet, perversely, she was almost willing to let it happen. There was a far worse fate, she realized, in standing directly in front of someone and having absolutely nothing left to say. This was a woman she had shared a bed with. A woman she had trusted with her deepest secrets. They had shared everything. And now, the raw, defensive armor they had both worn so carefully all week was entirely stripped away, leaving only the stark reality of two people who had managed to become total strangers. That, above all else, was the part that cut the deepest.

I'm sorry i disappeared after the party the other night, Cara mia...but that late night bite still sounds exactly what i need, i've missed you ! And just, everything's so complicated, heavy. I've just been in this....weird place. I don't even know where to start, but I might just even start with how our rooms got mixed up and we're rooming together. I know. I thought it couldn't get worse either, but apparently it's a running joke.