angel💋🪽

hiya! call me angel 💋

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i will be simply be posting my thoughts, life experiences and maybe my art once in a while!

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₊˚⊹ᰔ i adore lana del rey, my girlfriend, matcha, body art, religious imagery, false eyelashes, my plushies, septum piercings, books, art, music, pinterest, sex and so much more but the list would last 4ever.

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₊˚⊹ᰔ my top movies and shows are fight club, entergalactic, seven, love lies bleeding, fanfic, bojack horseman, YOU, arcane and mirai nikki. only naming a few because the list could go on for ages but these shows and movies will 4ever hold a special place in my heart!!!

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₊˚⊹ᰔ if i ever say anything that could offend someone let me know! but remember i am just simply a person who doesn’t think straight.

ever so often i get intrusive thoughts about getting raped by people and it’s makes me feel disgusted!! like why am i getting thought of older men raping me.

or even worse my girlfriend. i hate when i get those thoughts of my own girl because it just ruins the sex for me completely!

and i love sex so it just makes me upset because when it happens in the middle of having sex with her and i get a thought like that it just ruins it for me completely.

it makes me think of a moment that happened once with her where she was going down on me and i told her to stop but she didn’t and she just kept going and i just froze and let it happen.

i dont count it as assault because she didn’t even hear me but the more i think about it i did say it at a volume in which she could hear me..

i could talk more about it to her but at the same time i don’t really remember anything from that day and ive already spoke to her about it and she’s apologised but still.. was it assault?

but i don’t really want to think about it that much i don’t need another accidental assault story i have enough.

deer makeup!?!?!?

will most likely delete this soon lol

probably should watch kingsmen but i don’t think i ever will

i’ve always known this, i’ve know i’m gonna die of something like suicide, cancer or like whatever else you can possibly die from

and it’s been like this since i was young, and i mean YOUNG like 9 or something and im 18 now and im still convinced that old age won’t be my way of going

it is sad to think about i will admit but its just the way my brain has been and will probably will be until i get some form of help for my mental health, addictions and so much other things

but for now i’ll just stay the way i am!! mentally ill mess who can’t leave her house unless it’s for her own girlfriend <3

there is not a single person i don’t have a slight issue with except one of my friends bc he’s actually mature and knows good from bad and knows how to be NORMAL

obviously love my friends and my gf but there’s so many things that annoy me abt them!!! not much so my gf but everyone else yes.

like tell me why my friend who is 20 this year cannot make a decision for herself and acts like a complete fucking child whenever ANYTHING happens and then runs to me (2 years younger btw) expecting me to fix all her issues

she genuinely excepts me to call all different places for her bc she’s too scared to. WOMAN YOU ARE TWENTY THIS YEAR!!!!! she cannot expect someone who is still in school, actively looking for jobs, worrying abt uni choices and so much more to do shit for her.

like please i need her to learn how to do things herself!!! and recently there was a situation where she was trying to get with a very good friend of mine (who i can only say one bad thing abt btw) and she excepted me to be okay with that?

btw it was RANDOM she was only meant to text her abt a job. A FUCKING JOB and all of a sudden she wants to get in her pants and fuck her???? like please for the love of god

im not saying she can’t hit on my friends but like even if she was jokingly hitting on some of my friends i’ve told her that my friends are off limits joke or not! because if a friend is mine they are mine i know i sound so possessive over my friends but it’s just because im not a fan of my friends mixing its weird to me!!

i rlly needed to get that off my chest sorry

i understand it’s summer so the heat will be up but why is it like 20 degrees rn while it’s nearly 11pm. PM NIGHT TIME WHAT THE FUCK.

i’m not good with heat at all and i am super prone to heatstroke so that isn’t any better, making it worse i’m at the VERY top of my house, the attic room i basically have a whole floor to myself.

bc it’s an attic room and the room is so big i have only one tiny window and one of them big windows that are slanted that are super hard to open!! which just makes it worse, so i’m sat here in my room sweating and heating up praying im not getting heatstroke while in here while fanning myself with a paper fan because my family thinks a fan is a stupid investment…

yeah i might be dying this year please wish me luck lol

like i cannot go a week without my lashes or else i will not be bothered to keep doing them. i feel like i’ve let myself go because of it!!! and i really wanna take some cute pics but i hate posting myself on insta without any lashessssss

it’s such a none issue but it’s an issue to me i miss them and it doesn’t help that my girlfriend mourns me when i have lashes on. like she gets upset because i decided to make myself feel better and put lashes on!

idk if i’m crazy but i feel like that’s so ridiculous and i’m also not in the mood to deal with her being upset over the fact i decided to do something for myself! idk i might be over reacting but still i think she’s the one over reacting!

anyways after writing that i’ve decided i will do my lashes but just to be petty.

silly lil barn owl drawing i basically copied of pinterest lol.

guys i swear i have creativity i just lack it when it comes to creating original drawings!!! hope you guys like it tho!

i know it’s random but it just makes me sad because i think sex is beautiful and should be taken as an art form!! it’s between two people who love each other regardless the gender, it’s as if their two souls are being put together and staying with one another!

i think it’s the fact porn has been so normalised and like only fans as well. i’m not saying it should be banned all together because it ruins what sex is meant to be, im just saying it’s created a visual for young adults on how it’s meant to be when all that is seen in porn is just a glorified version of the act.

anything can happen during sex and it will happen!! people (again mainly YOUNG men) don’t realise that they think that this should happen and that should happen when it most likely won’t happen.

i will admit i have watched porn and so many people i know have as well which includes my girlfriend and the people i know that have watched it realise it’s fake and it won’t be so glamorous as it’s made out to be.

i’ve went off topic but sex has been just changed into something that should happen between two people who will never see each other ever again and it’s sad.

i don’t know if i made much sense with this but i just write everything that comes to mind in the moment lol.

as much as i enjoy creating stuff out of clay and other bits it is harder to have those tools at hand in a sense. i feel like pens, paper and pencils are easier to get and way less expensive!

just the whole idea of not being able to create the most amazing drawing just makes me have zero motivation which is just sad because i loooooove creating and i wish i was able to keep doing it for the rest of my life but if im only good at media that's 3D and you can hold is there really any point in having ambition to do it for the rest of my life?

i understand art comes in many forms and it is every where you look, art is life. like sex is art, nature is art and the coffee you drink in the morning can be considered art.

it really does just come down to the person i guess, i just want to be as good as i used to be at drawing, i miss it

and i was just really deep in thought about her because she just wanted to be liked i guess?? like she did everything that was trending since people who did that got a form of attention.

she could’ve just been following in the trends but the more i think about it she defo just wanted someone to see her and like her.

not saying it’s a bad thing because everyone does that we all want to be loved and seen no matter what it takes wether it’s following trends, putting ourselves in uncomfortable situations or just posting a fake version of ourselves.