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Seeing someone reading a book you love is seeing a book recommending a person

Saying “he’s nice once you get to know him” is another way of saying “he’s an asshole but you get used to it.”

C4 is just angry Play-Doh

“Middle of the night water” tastes so much better than normal water

It is annoying when you wake up in the morning and your phone isn’t charged, think how pissed off you’ll be in the future when you wake up in the morning and your car isn’t charged

Rich people having depression and mental illness is like when you use cheat codes in a game and get so overpowered and your inventory is so full that it becomes pointless and boring so you quit playing.

The riskiest click is turning off your alarm and resting your eyes for five more minutes.

You never know how long you can hold a fart in until you’re in a new relationship.

The real gateway drug is low self esteem and poor self control