CATMOM™

“They break your heart, I break their face. Simple as that.”

“Trust me, I know people.”

“I SAID DON’T TOUCH ME!”

“I’m hugging you, shut up.”

“Oh my god are you hugging me?”

“Stop doing that it’s creepy.”

“YOU JUST LICKED ME! SHE JUST LICKED ME!!”

“I tolerate you.”

“See this is why we can’t have nice things.”

“Ok but look, sometimes he gets off in his own little world all alone where he doesn’t care about anyone else. You don’t wanna be like that. No one likes that person.”

“If you do that again I’m hitting you…”

“I’M TELLING MOM!”

“Get out of my head please.”

“W h a t are you wearing?”

“Is that my shirt? That’s my shirt isn’t it….”

“No you can’t have my pants, I need them.”

“Eh, just go grab something from the closet and you’ll be fine.”

“I need you to dress me today.”

“I’m wearing your shirt. It’s mine now.”

“Would you stop taking my clothes with out asking?!”

❝can you believe my sister commented on my last instagram picture thati look like satan?❞ 

❝listen… i may be tiny but my kicks are can reach very high don’t try me. ❞

❝ actually, you’ve got it all wrong, darling. my middle finger salutes you. ❞

❝ i look like shit, this is exactly why no one wants to date me. ❞

❝ did you know in that in eighth grade i kicked someone’s knee and broke it? ❞

❝ he deserved it, no one fucking compares me to a semi-trailer and gets away with that. ❞

❝ do i look like my brother’s keeper to you? ❞

❝ the best thing that happens when couple combine their names on facebooks is that you can block them both in one press. ❞

❝ you know, it’s so weird that the saying is butterflies in your stomach, it should me just flies because usually the person you fall for is a piece of shit. ❞

❝ you know you should all just break up with your boyfriends and just date me, we could be each other’s sisters wives. ❞

❝ yes it is morning, good however it is not. ❞

❝ why do birthdays happens only once a year? i want to get birthday gifts every week.

❝ i’m literally the biggest sinner in this city. ❞

❝ how does my grandma always sees me from her window, for fucks sake, there’s a building in front of hers! ❞

❝ i just hope my grandma won’t tell my mom she saw us kiss.. ❞

❝ if you piss me off one more time i will throw my phone at your face. ❞

❝ scaring people is kinda my thing. ❞

❝ what do you mean thanks? bow down to your fucking queen. ❞

❝ what do you mean thanks? lose your clothes. ❞

❝ why yes, throwing water balloons at our boss is a good idea. ❞

❝ well you see there’s thing thing called google, how about you use that instead of driving me nuts. ❞

❝ oh for the love of god, all i wanted was a bit of silence and rihanna’s voice is that so fucking bad? ❞

❝ we should watch porn together, that will be fun. ❞

❝ who’s idea was it to do this again? ❞

❝ i swear i’m a nice person once you get to know me. ❞

❝ i am not a midget! i’m 5′0 for godness sake! ❞

❝ when will the aliens save me from his awful planet? ❞

❝ do you think anyone will notice if i burnt down the school? ❞

❝ honestly, who cares, i mean if i break my leg then i will get babied by you so just push me off the bar i beg of you. ❞

❝ i wish i was an ice cream cone. ❞

❝ you can’t handle being punk rock, you can barely handle being cheesy pop. ❞

❝ if you punch me in the face i’ll give you a dollar. ❞

❝ honestly i’ll give everything for the hulk to fight me. ❞

❝ i feel as if someone is baking me in an oven. ❞

“So if we’re going to try this, I need to know that you’re always coming back. “

“I figure, every time someone dies and it’s not me, my chances of survival go up.”

“I’m not nearly drunk enough for that.”

“I’m sorry, I’m having trouble hearing you. I’m getting a lot of bullshit on this line.”

“Okay, yeah, you’re on your own with that.”

“Why are you curled up on the floor?”

“You can’t believe everything you find on there.”

“How do you know when someone is romantically invested?”

“Had to be me. Someone else might have gotten it wrong.”

“If it’s all civilized, you’re not doing it right.”

“I didn’t realize you had preferences.”

“You obviously haven’t seen ______ swim. It’s a lot of flailing and splashing interrupted by occasional bouts of drowning.”

“Long story. Nobody will believe it anyway.”

“When I die, it will not be in bed. I am at peace with that.”

“This isn’t their fight. But they are buying us time with their lives.”

“It’s a brilliant tactic when you think about it.”

“Only few people get what they deserve, good or bad.”

“Next time you need something, just ask. We’re all in this together.”

“But if you don’t respect your enemy’s capabilities, you’re in for one nasty surprise after another.”

“Can it wait for a bit? I’m in the middle of some calibrations.”

“Well, that sounds like a major step backward.”

“They tell me it’s a suicide mission. I intend to prove them wrong.”

“Yeah, that was the only way to get you inside.”

“The universe is a dark place. I’m trying to make it brighter before I die.”

“You want me to sit there and watch you cook?”

“You know he’s going to keep bothering you until you tell him.”