he’s in the toxic slutch

Please stop he is drowning…..

Put your harpy girl in a harness, then attach a big rope to the harness, then take her to the park and fly her like a kite

☝️Probrlem

Whats the problem

when i was younger i had a really bad fear of danny devito when i was going to sleep so my older brother gave me a watch that he set to like 8 hours ahead so that it was always daytime on the watch when i was asleep and he told me it would confuse danny devito and he would think it was daytime and get scared of the sun and leave me alon

Your brother is the best

Who the fuck changed this from vampires to Danny devito

the real question is why I was completely ready to accept that this person had a debilitating childhood fear of Danny Devito

World Heritage Post

something either is or isnt happening to me

dude honestly shout out to my guards i told them to seize this guy and before i could even finish my sentence they soze him. My goats

I’ve seen this on my dash at least ten times now and somehow every single time I am once again unprepared for how the cat looks.

Alright. Okay, Everybody listen up. We have good news and bad news. The bad news, the bad news is that as you've likely already noticed, The Beast without Measure or Mercy or Knowable Form has once again begun descending nightly from its highland lair to ravage our humble farming village, we are, once again, being ravaged. You've likely already noticed. That's the bad news. That's bad. The good news is, uh, the good news is that right now it appears to be exclusively attacking and devouring all of the, uh, all of the very small children. Specifically the babies. No, hang on, shut up, shut up, all of you shut- No, I don't want it eating the babies, Jesus, lady, let go of me- I'm just saying that it's not really negatively affecting our ability to respond strategically by doing so. Because besides a few bouts of grief-induced catatonia we're still at like 99% operational capacity here, right? The babies were all very cute but they were not gonna be the ones packing into this hovel to come up with a game plan. Babies weren't the ones with institutional knowledge of how this thing was banished last time, babies aren't the ones who know how to forge pitchforks and light torches. In fact, babies didn't do shit around here! Easily our weakest link. If it was starting with the twenty somethings we'd really be fucked. I mean forget about the athletics involved of the monster hunting, we would not be getting the harvest in before first frost

Look, everyone, just- okay, I get it, many of you liked your babies, a couple of you still do, I get it, I get it, I get it, but put me down and think big picture here! We are a humble farming village. We were always gonna lose a bunch of 'em to mountain scurvy and mumps and all that humble farming village shit. It's just that this time it's a Beast of Form Unknowable that bursts through your wall at night and eats your kid right out of your arms, so you're experiencing the loss as a sudden sharp shock instead of as a long winding despair where you're watching it happen while knowing you can't do dick about it because the marauders marauded off with all our seed corn. For example. It's not part of the, the background radiation of your life yet, that aching, ambient sense of failure, yours or the worlds, you aren't quite sure. You'll never be sure. But once you've gotten used to never being sure? Well, compared to someone of fighting age, the turnaround time on a new baby is actually pretty- guys. Guys. Please put me down