Depression’s Trophy Wife

And I’m afraid to see it through

Happy Thanksgiving. It was a pretty good day, calmest Thanksgiving in years. I thought about you, I wonder how your day looked and I pictured you all at the table. A part of me really does hope it was good and you were happy. But. Another part hopes you thought of me too and wondered what I was doing. Maybe you did, maybe you didn’t. Life’s just funny like that. I really wish you hadn’t popped in for a second and then left just as quick. I mean i definitely still thought of you, but this just sent me back down the rabbit hole. I understand and I don’t, I guess I can’t blame you for why you stayed. I just wish you would’ve had that figured out before you even tried to meet me. Maybe you never noticed me before like you said. Maybe you meant every word you said. All of these thoughts haunt me. Constantly. And I really wish I didn’t know that you still love me.

I never quite measure up.

I just felt alone. I had a boyfriend I thought, but every time I hoped for reassurance or comforted I just got short and cold. But it was all in my head. He thinks he was fighting the ghosts in my head.

But now I’m just a placeholder

If only it were that easy

More than it really was

And also so overwhelming

What if I lost him again