Resiliency and Efficiency

Jessa in Girls, talking about how death is eminent. 

I'm listening to language and culture presentations recorded by students for our final research project. The professor SPECIFICALLY told us to keep our presentations to under 15 minutes. 

And this current presentation, this lady is GOING OFF. Like seriously, my attention span on off tangent examples is limited. I'm back on tumblr because you are just rambling on and on and on. Just get to the point. Do you not realize that this is not my only class. I have more stuff to do, lady.

I am slowly starting to realize who I am as a person. And that person is NOT the same one who stepped onto the UTPA campus three years ago. That eager freshman whose goal was "Baylor or Bust". That freshman who only saw Baylor College of Medicine as her only option.

Hell, I'm not the same person I was when I started my senior year. A good chunk of the semester was spend making sure I got into Baylor, and if not Baylor, some MED SCHOOL. I mean I've done quite a bit in high school to where, I should get accepted somewhere. But underneath all that Med School talk, a good chunk was doubting my every move. 

But not the academic part. MCAT pushed aside, I know I can hack it as a MD. I'm not stupid. I've spent my whole life working my ass off for what I thought of as my calling. This calling to be a doctor, however, wasn't as sincere as I initially thought. 

Looking back to when I accepted the program, I was blinded by the thought of being a doctor. The thought of going to one of the most prestigious medical schools in the nation. The thought of having a seat saved for me in medical school while the rest of the country fought tooth and nail to get where I was at. I was gonna help people the best way possible. 

Fast forward to my senior year. My third MCAT score came in today, and I can truthfully say I haven't checked it yet. But despite the score coming in, one thing is true: Whether I got my score or not, I'm not as passionate to become a medical doctor as I thought I was. I honestly forced myself to believe that I wanted to be a doctor from the get go, that it was my calling and all the negativity was just my lack of self confidence. 

However, I think back to what I truly wanted to be. Program aside, I remember falling in love with physical therapy when I was a senior in high school. I remember switching one guy so I can have two PT sites. It was to the point where my teacher even told me, "Pauline, don't fall in love with PT now; you're going to be a doctor." I didn't think much of it then, but not I finally am listening to myself. Putting what I think is best for me before what others think is best for me. I'm pretty sure I'll get a lot of shit for doing this, but at the end of the day, I think I'm going to be a happier person for this decision. 

17 year old Pauline may not approve, but 21 year old Pauline is finally accepting the truth. 

wake up no later than 8:30AM

breakfast

study MCAT (verbal practice)

lunch 

study more (physics/chem/bio/orgo.... probably not gonna hit everything, but try to get most of it)

break

study more

dinner

GIANTS GAME AND BREAKING BAD.

attempt to study afterwards

After a pretty dang long tumblr hiatus due to my eventful summer, i feel like this is an ideal place to express myself.

Because 

It's best to express ideas somewhere than let it eat up my thoughts, which I'm pretty good at

It's 2AM and I have a meeting in 7 hours and my sleeping schedule is out of whack

Life is aiiight

After Turkey, I had a bad case of Turkey withdrawals for a good week and my sister graduated from HS

My cousin from NJ came over for my sister's graduation last Saturday and since parents and sister are busy working, guess who's playing host?

I'm totally ok with it, but I'd rather be studying for my MCAT

speaking of which, the rate at which my studying is going, I'm probably going to pull a Hazel or Tara, because I'm soo behind on studying

And you'd think I'd be stressing my ass off, but in reality I'm not so stressed

I say that now, but come next week that'll be a whole new situation