Out of the Woods

Leif couldn’t help but laugh at that, “You shouldn’t blow my ego up like that… You know what it does to me.” He shook his head. He’d been hardened to the world even back then, but it had gotten worse the older he got. The harder it became to fight off his urge to mate and have pups.

“You’ve always been devoted to family… of the pack, in a way that not even I feel like I am– It’s a very… familial trait. Omega’s carry it.”

Leif felt a sad look cross over his face. He’d felt a loss he never thought would matter to me when he discovered Castor wasn’t pregnant. Like somehow he wasn’t good enough to even father a pup. The disappointment he’d felt had been portrayed as anger at Castor. He cleared his throat and looked down, “…I’m sorry… I couldn’t do even that for you.”

“I do,” he grinned, his smile reaching his eyes. It faded quickly but it made him genuinely happy to make others happy - especially those he considered himself close to, or once close to in Leif’s case. It was nice to hear him laugh, it was a good laugh even if it wasn’t the most all-encompassing. Cas wished he could hear it more often. 

“‘s interestin’ that you were surprised. My family wasn’t, my father says he knew I was an alpha the minute I started talkin’.” Castor had always been told it was obvious from the beginning he was an Alpha, his hair-trigger and penchant for taking matters into his own hands some of the more prominent and Alpha-esque traits he’d portraited early on. “I like it. You’re an interestin’ wolf, Leif.” 

Brows furrowing at the sudden drop in Leif’s demeanor, Castor waded closer to him, his feet sinking into the soft mud at the bottom of the river. “The hell are you sorry for? The fact I don’t have pups?” He hadn’t seen the sadness that accompanied the statement before, probably because he was too busy trying not to be disappointed himself. He’d never have blamed Leif for it, it wasn’t easy for two Alphas to conceive, not even with someone like himself who was willing to submit so completely for the right person.

“You’ve always been loyal… headstrong.” Leif said with a soft smile in memory at the pup he had been. Young but determined. “I wasn’t that old then… Just old enough that I thought I knew everything.”

Leif let out a sigh, “You know… I thought maybe you were an Omega back then. Before everything. You surprised me when you presented.”

“We did do good.” He licked his lips and ducked his head under the water for just a moment before coming up for air. “And you’re pups will be born here, and they’ll know that you believed in this place from the start. They’ll know their father is a good man.”

“Stubborn,” he added, the pup he’d once been still a huge part of his present. Cas wasn’t nearly as bad as he used to be, he didn’t get into fights much anymore and his temper had cooled with age, but he still insisted on doing everything he could to make himself useful regardless of what anyone else told him. “I thought y’ knew everythin’, too. After we started settin’ up, makin’ this place our own, I was amazed by how well y’all worked together to get us on the right path. We coulda ended bloody, y’know? Three packs tryin’ to establish themselves. But we didn’t and I’m still impressed.” 

Perking up at the admission, Cas raised an eyebrow. “Really? How come?” 

The water was cool and he was glad to have made the trip. The stress of everything more recently had begun to wear more heavily down on his shoulders. he was growing older and he was feeling more and more detached from everything. He wouldn’t be surprised as he was asked to step down as one of the leaders.

Leif looked over as Castor spoke, surprised to hear him speak again. He looked up and nodded his head, “I remember… I was more intent on this place than I ever had been on anything.”

“It showed. We all were set on makin’ this place good, makin’ it right, but y’all did more than your fair share. I was...I was just some idiot pup who hadn’t presented yet, wanted t’ do everythin’ even though I knew I couldn’t. I don’t think I slept right for months,” he chuckled - it was an inherently happy sound but it lacked any of the warmth Castor’s presence carried, mostly fueled by nostalgia.

 He’d looked up to Leif back then, him and the rest of his pack’s leadership. He still did, if he was honest with himself. No matter how much he did, it’d never come close to what they had on their plates and he admired that dedication and loyalty. “We did good.” 

Maybe Castor had thought he might rebuke him, show some secret he was hiding just to make him feel better. But that wasn’t the case, he thought himself a horrid, that was no lie.

As they arrived at the river, he gave the other plenty of space. Not wanting to crowd him. He missed the days where he and Castor would be skin to skin as soon as their clothes were off. Setting his clothes off to the side, he stepped into the water so he could begin to wash off the dirt and mud on his skin.

“Alright.” He nodded his head in understanding but it was made clear that he had hurt the man in a way that made sure he’d never get a chance to truly make Castor hate him. At least this way they could still be members of the same pack.

Splashing his face with water, Castor systematically scrubbed the sweat from his body, relieved to finally be clean and cool after such a hot afternoon. He was certain at any other time he’d be grinning ear to ear, truly happy to indulge in one of his favorite evening rituals, but now he erred far on the side of tense and self-critical. Leif had been speaking to him again, he’d even gotten a smile or two out of the man, and then they’d ended up right back where they started. Well, almost. 

Letting the river’s current lap gently at his skin, he simply leaned back, sinking into the water until it reached his shoulders. He probably should’ve hurried it along so he could get back in time to help with dinner, but he didn’t. Why? Castor didn’t know. It would’ve made things more comfortable for the both of them if he’d just rinsed and left but he didn’t do things the easy way even when the easy way was the best. 

“Remember when we first moved down here?"

Leif knew that he should stop this conversation before it got any further. It wasn’t fair to Castor to expose his feelings so openly, especially because he knew it couldn’t change anything. He never wanted Castor to grow to hate him and he was sure that he would.

“I’m not asking you to be anything but conflicted… I just didn’t want you to think that I hated you. I don’t. I never will.” Leif didn’t hate people, he learned long ago not to.

The next question caught him off guard and inherently he knew he shouldn’t answer it truthfully. He stared at the other for a long moment, hesitating, before finally, he nodded his head, “Yes.”

“Right, sorry,” Castor started, awkwardly clearing his throat. “I...uh...I dunno why I said that. Forget it. Let’s just...let’s just head down to the river yeah?” Fuck, he had no idea why he’d gone and asked such a thing. Goddess, he was so stupid. 

Green eyes darting back to the body of water a few paces away he hesitated a moment before heading over, stripping his shirt off and draping it over a low-hanging branch along with his trousers. There was no use bathing if he did it fully clothed, it wasn’t as if he were self-conscious or anything, he just...it just made him anxious being naked around Leif. Like he’d make the Alpha uncomfortable just by existing. 

“I believe you,” he started once he’d stepped into the cool water, “that y’ didn’t hate me, I believe you.” And he did...maybe. Castor wasn’t sure what to believe. Some part of him accused Leif of only saying what he wanted to hear just to keep him happy, but Cas did his best to shove that part down. He didn’t need that shit right now.

“I know.” Castor was a better Alpha than him, no doubt he should have been in a leadership position other than Leif. He’d be a better fit than him. God knew he’d be a great father when the time came. It’s why Leif had distanced himself in the first place.

Only now, Castor was showing just how much his actions had hurt the man, “No… Castor… It wasn’t–” He ran a hand down his face and let out a deep sigh.

“You weren’t tying me down. But it was tying you to me– someone you don’t want to be tied to.” He’d been prepared to become a father. Even if he had avoided it for so long. When he’d discovered he wouldn’t be, it almost felt like a punishment for all his shortcomings. “I just… I don’t hate you. I could never hate you.”

Castor ran his fingers through his hair, still trying to fully process all that he’d been told. He’d been avoiding this mess right along with Leif for a good while, leaving their unfinished business just that - unfinished. That one moment had forced them both to take a look at what could be and it’d scared the hell out of Cas. As much as he wanted a family of his own, he didn’t want to hold Leif - or anyone for that matter - to him for the rest of their lives when they hadn’t explicitly chosen it. Even if a pup wasn’t mating, parenting was a huge deal, a bond that held two people together even without the scar. 

He’d been as much at fault as the other for pulling away, for letting their friendship fizzle out and die in a smoldering mess of guilt and disappointment, and for that, he’d be forever sorry. “Right now, I don’t know how t’ feel. I don’ hate you, Leif - not when I thought just the sight ‘a me offended you and not now. But I can’t say I’m not...conflicted.” 

Emotions running high, Castor turned his gaze to Leif - catching the wolf’s eyes with his own. “Answer me this - if you didn’t think you were someone who shouldn’t, would y’ want to tie yourself t’ me?” It was a rash question from an impulsive wolf, but it came tumbling out before he could take it back. 

“Sorry,” Bolin chuckled as he heard he was wearing Castor out. He laughed for a moment and let his face bury into the male’s neck. He took in the male’s scent for a moment before hearing the other alpha chuckle at him too. “Sorry again, the rut has my mind on things like pups and someone carrying them for me,” he sighed as he rested on his side, holding Castor tightly.

“I would like to get to know you though,” he mentioned as he kissed the other’s neck softly. “Maybe in the morning I will kill us a deer and have some breakfast and you can tell me about who you are and stuff like that.” He knew that the rut was filling his head with the idea of romance and breeding but he had to fight his way out of the clouds and try to remember that things go on after the rut. After a few moments he felt the knot go down a little bit.

“I think we’re about to be unstuck,” he sighed, wiggling his hips a little to see if it had gone down enough to pull out.

“’s alright, I get it. My ruts make me want pups even more than I usually do,” he laughed, snuggling back into Bolin’s embrace. Castor was quite the cuddler, he just liked the warmth and intimacy of it regardless of whether or not he’d had sex, but that urge got stronger after something so physically and emotionally intense as rut sex. It didn’t help that Bolin was burying his face into his neck, pressing kisses to the sensitive skin that made his whole body thrum with content. 

“Sounds nice,” he sighed, legitimately interested in getting to know the Alpha as well. Bolin was the second in command of his pack, he’d been nothing but genuinely kind, and he was hot as hell - Castor wanted to know what else the wolf was buried under the surface and not just because he was dazed and stupid after his intense orgasm. “Y’ gotta promise t’ tell me ‘bout yourself, too.” 

He nearly laughed at that. He did what he could for the pack because it was the right thing to do. Not for his own happiness or his own gain. He never thought he’d end up happy, with a family of his own. His father had made it clear that anyone with his temperament, with his attitude; didn’t deserve that.

“It’s complicated, as usual.” He responded with a quick nod of his head, “I do enjoy looking after the pack. Making sure you are all cared for.” He hummed softly, “it’s the least I can do.”

“I…” He hesitated for a moment, wondering it was appropriate of him to say or not before deciding he had nothing to lose. “I miss you.”

“Well, lemme know if you ever need any help, y’ know I like t’ do what I can,” Castor smiled, trying not to get hung up over the end of Leif’s response. ‘It’s the least I can do.’  He felt the same way every day, every single time he spent an extra hour pulling weeds or an afternoon watching pups. His pact was everything to him and he wanted nothing more than to keep them all safe and happy after everything they’d given him. 

Stopping in his tracks at the sudden admission from his old friend, Castor blinked. It was unexpected, to say the least, especially after he’d been avoided for what felt like forever. Unexpected but hard-hitting, like a blow to the chest, the resignation to their current relationship shattered in less than a second. He didn’t know how to feel. 

“I've been here the whole time. I’ve been here, y’ just won’t look at me,” he started, not sure where he was going with his words. “I thought y’ hated me, y’know? I thought y’ never wanted t’ see my face again after everthin’. Not that I blamed ya. Y’ don’t want a mate or pups and I was ‘bout to tie you down with one.” 

Mathias smiled as he held up two fingers towards the bartender, before turning his attention back to the attractive male. “I would hope you wouldn’t, if I had to drink alone, then I would start to think I have a problem.” joke Mathias as he winked to the other, “so, what do you do here?”

“Nah, no problems here,” he chuckled, smile widening at the young man’s little wink. It was cheesy as all hell and yet Mathias managed to make it look good. “Officially? Me and my brother are lumberjacks, but I’ve been here since the beginnin’. I do all kinds a’ stuff ‘round here when I’ve got the time - always have and always will. Y’need anythin’ just ask and I’ll be happy t’ help.”

Grinning at the bartender when their drinks arrive, he raised his glass to the other Alpha before taking a sip, throwing his own wink in there for good measure. Considering he couldn’t actually wink, it was more just seductive blinking, but Castor wasn’t in the business of caring too much about that kinda thing. He saved his anxieties for bigger things like his pack and trying to stay as useful as possible without dying of exhaustion. “Cheers for the free drink, Mathias, ale always tastes better when y’ don’t have t’ pay.” 

Cameron relaxed a bit more as the other smiled at him before leading him towards the path that led towards the river. Cameron allowed the night air and the scent of the river to relax his body even more, following after Cas in a leisurely pace. The alpha noticed the other seemed to go out of his way to be beside him instead of in front of him, and smiled faintly as he realized how come. 

When the other asked his question, Cameron winced slightly. He knew it was coming…It’s only fair after all. It didn’t make the recalling of it any less painful. But listening to the man’s story was a good start…Opening him up to the idea as well as making Cameron feel like he’s not the only one who’s dealt with these issues. “My last pack wasn’t…Friendly. They saw what was in between my legs and saw me as more of a toy than a wolf.” Cameron explained with a sigh as he ran his hand through his hair. “The moment I came of age they…Used me.” Cameron admitted as he looked down at the ground. “Saying that a true alpha would have been able to escape or that a true alpha wouldn’t have a pussy between their thighs…” Cameron shook his head and sighed. “It was…Just horrible, to be perfectly honest. But I didn’t have anywhere else to go.” 

“The pack is great…And no one has treated me like my old pack,” Cameron hastly said. “But part of me just keeps waiting for it to happen…To wake up to people’s hands touching me whether I want it or not.” Cameron said with a frown.

Cas clenched his teeth to keep himself from growling, immediately regretting ever bringing the topic to light now that he knew what those nightmares were about. It was despicable what Cameron had been through. It was beyond anything he could’ve possibly expected even with his limited knowledge of why the Alpha had come to Athos. He wanted to tear the throats out of whatever disgusting people had masqueraded as Cameron’s pack before Venois. For him, pack had always been synonymous with safety and comfort. With love, acceptance, and loyalty. A pack was supposed to make a wolf feel safe not turn them into an object for their own personal amusement. No wonder the poor kid had nightmares, Castor doubted anyone could come away from something like that without a few psychological scars. 

“’m not the best with shit this heavy, I get too heated ‘bout it and no one needs an angry Alpha tryin’ to help ‘em, but I’ll say one thing - you’re in control. Of yourself, of how people interact with ya, of where you go and what you do. Of everything. I can promise you that.” Swiping a hand down his face, he sighed, disappointed in himself and his lack of a decent response. Castor was supposed to be helping and instead, he was bringing to light things that not only upset Cameron but made him angrier than he had any right to be. What was he thinking trying to help with trauma-induced nightmares? He wasn’t magic, hell - he wasn’t even good with words, the best he could offer was time and his willingness to listen. 

“The spot’s up ahead. We should be there in no time, less than five minutes.” 

Bolin chuckled as he was told to meet Castor half way. He leaned up and met the alpha’s lips with his own, kiss him sweetly. He brought a hand up to hold the other’s face close to him as he kept the kisses going. Knotting was incredibly intimate and was suppose to be done when you knew you wanted to get another wolf pregnant. Bolin knew that he needed help getting his rut to cool down and Castor had been a real trooper, putting up with him.

“I might need to keep you,” he whispered against the other’s lips., letting his hand caress the other’s cheek. “I bet you would look beautiful carrying my pup,” he said, his hand wondering down to the other’s stomach and touching it like they were expecting. He liked the idea of having a family one day. He been a father figure to his brothers growing up so he took time off to just be an alpha. But he was getting older and the thought of a family was sounding sweeter.

Smiling softly into their chaste kiss, Castor had finally gotten his breathing to even out after their coupling, his body spent and sweaty. He sincerely hoped Bolin was tired enough to rest after his knot went down because he didn’t think he could go another round with a rutting Alpha without his beauty sleep. “Y’ sure know how t’ wear a guy out,” he commented, breaking their kiss and instead leaning into Bolin’s touch, the hand on his cheek appealing to his romantic side. He wanted a mate, things like this reminded him of just how much, but he didn’t want to rush into things and regret it later. As stupid as it sounded, he wanted to be a part of someone’s happily ever after. 

Their lips pressed together in another lazy kiss, Cas wasn’t expecting Bolin’s musings nor the hand on his stomach, caressing the lean muscle there as if he were actually pregnant. It was strange, not necessarily in a bad way, just strange. The last time he’d thought seriously about pups was when he and Leif had their scare, and it’d left him feeling guilt-ridden and short one incredible friend. 

Bolin was always amazed at how much cum came out when trying to get someone pregnant during a rut. He was filling Castor up and it felt amazing. When he started to come down from the orgasm he opened his eyes and looked up at the other alpha above him. Moving ever so gently he put them on their sides so they could lay together. Wrapping his arms around Castor he went in to kiss and nip at his neck. “God,” he breathed out, nuzzling against the other’s neck.

“We are going to be stuck like this for at least twenty more minutes. Did you get off?” he asked as he reached down to take Castor’s cock in his hand stroking him slowly. “Kiss me, Cas,” he moaned, kissing at the other’s jawline with a hunger. He always became very affectionate after a knot. It was like an instinct to show appreciation and care for the one taking him.

Castor grunted in discomfort at the change in position. Regardless of how careful Bolin was, his knot still momentarily tugged at the rim of his hole, sending a sharp pain down his spine. It’s was quickly overshadowed by pleasure, though, the feeling of being bred something he’d never be used to but had grown fond of on the rare occasion he found himself in the position to experience it. Even better was the warmth of Bolin tucked against him, the other Alpha’s scent blanketing him as the man gave affectionate nips and kisses to the back of his neck.