Things are starting to feel so out my control I'm not sure what to do or how to act anymore. Â Things are bad, money is bad, work is bad, the only thing that is not bad is Michael and I. Â
We spend so much time trying to figure out how to stay a float and not sink into our growing mountain of debit that I am honestly afraid we are never going to start the life we want, and I so desperately crave. Â I can understand why he wants to wait, and I do completely understand he wants everything to be as perfect as he thinks I deserves and he wants for himself. Â I get it and I would never take that away from him. Â I am so sick of waiting though. Â I just want to get married and start our little insane accident prone family. Â I want the little starter house with the walls I can paint and my own little kitchen where I can play suzzie homemaker and just be happy. Â
I'm tired of feeling like I'm second in my own life, but I feel like I'm drowning, and the debit isn't getting better and Michael is being turned down for job after job and I know it's taking it's toll on him, so I just stay quiet because I know reminding him that I am not getting anything I want right now it's going to do nothing for his mindset. Â I don't think I will understand why life insists on kicking us while we are down, but I'm starting to wonder if I will ever be able to stand up.Â














