The man behind the mask

Tyler brightened up at the mention of Cas’s cousin. “How is Robin doing? I miss her too.” His aunts house was across the street from Robin’s growing up. He could remember countless summer nights of them playing hide and go seek. Robin being as small as she was could always find the best hiding spots.

“She’s doing well, she writes us sometimes. I don’t hear from her as much as I wish I could, but she’s doing her thing and no one is gonna hold her back,” he smiled, glancing down. "Where are your cousins now?” Cas asked, looking up and inadvertently catching Tyler’s gaze, “can you visit them?” 

“Do any of us really know how to be in love? It sort of just happens. You look at that person one day and bam, you find yourself in love. But honestly, I don’t think two loves could ever be the same even if you’re lucky to find it twice, anyway. Different people, different time and place. Different you, even.” Tyler took a drink from his cup, giving himself a milk mustache.

“Yeah, you have a point. I’m not who I was when I met Sherri, not who I was a year ago. Everyone talks about soulmates, and maybe I’m skeptical, but I have to wonder what happens if you miss yours. If life fucks it up for you, or you fuck it up for life,” he shook his head with a half-grin, “I’m not as good at seeing beautiful things as you are.” He stifled another laugh as he noticed the milk mustache, “um, you--never mind.” At that, he couldn’t fight it anymore and started to laugh.

Tyler sucked a deep breath through his teeth. Wow, this conversation was like being on a rollercoaster. “I define being in love as being mutual. It’s a deep affection until it’s reciprocated. So no, not in love. Just deeply…in like?” Tyler smirked. “How bout you?”

Cas nodded in agreement. “I have only ever loved one woman,” he confessed, adding quickly, “in the romantic sense. I’m deeply in love with my daughter, but that’s kinda different. It’s only ever been her mother. I’ve felt a lot for others, strongly in like I guess, but in love, no, only once. I don’t know how to do it again, if I’m honest.”

Tyler was only slightly caught off guard by Cas’s question but it was one he didn’t mind answering. He cleared his throat a bit, a soft smile touching his face. Even though he was no longer with Noah and no longer in love with him, Ty could still look back on their ‘greatest hits’ with fondness. “Acceptance of my past. Seeing the best in me.” Tyler glanced up at Cas then. “Letting me into his darkness and trusting me to turn the light on.”

He listened intently, a slight tug on the corners of his lips, silent until Tyler finished. “I like that,” he mused in a breath, “yeah, I like that.” Not enough people gave Tyler the credit for the wisdom he had beyond his years. He asked quietly, with some hesitation meeting his gaze, “have you been in love since?” 

Ty truly did love to hear Cas laugh so it made him smile even if he was a little embarrassed about the whole thing. Not because he was ashamed that it was Bria but more that he knew that she was totally out of his league and it was a pity/lonely fuck on her part. “No, I didn’t love her but right after it happened I was a little infatuated with her for a while up until Griffin was back. I thought I loved her but it wasn’t… Wasn’t until Noah that I realized what love was. He was my… Uh… Other first. Then he went into the military right after and I was so heartbroken and wrote him all the time. I felt like an army wife.” Tyler laughed easily.

He smiled, leaning forward, his elbows resting on his legs. “The first time you’re in love feels like the first time all over again. I don’t like to count my actual first as a first, it was empty. But when it’s real, so is the heartbreak.” He shrugged, laughing at Tyler’s army wife comment, “what is love? I think it’s different for everyone, but you said Noah showed you what love was...what is it?”

Tyler listened to Cas’s first time with a curious expression. He could never imagine just sleeping with a random person he just met but he figured everyone was different. Oh boy, now it was his turn. “First of all, lemme just say that they were semi broken up at the moment.” Ty started, already looking nervous. “I had a horrible day at this roofing job. I was the youngest there so they were jerks to me. Finally I had enough of their shit that day and quit. But not before leaving them up on the roof with no ladder. I stole their donuts and ran to the shack.” Tyler grinned up at Cash, proud of himself in that moment. Just as quick oy he looked slightly embarrassed again. “And there she was. Bria. She was upset because Griff had just left town without telling her and I was there for her. In a few different ways. It just happened. It meant nothing… And everything. But yeah… Bria was my first.”

Cas sat without a word, reserving all judgment for the end. He was sure it was Carmen, considering how close they were, but Bria Martins? His mouth dropped open, and he couldn’t help but laugh: not mocking, more out of shock. “Wow! Bria? She really would have your balls if she knew I knew.” He crossed his finger over his heart, “secret dies with me.” He hesitated, before asking anyway, “did you love her?”