have a winning day!

this is genuinely one of my favorite videos

I got a job at a gas station across from a casino and a guy keeps coming in to buy whole cartons of cigarettes and talks in the third person calling himself "snake eyes pete" and every time I tell him his total hes like "tell ya what if old Pete rolls a snake eyes why dont you give it to him for free?" and he rolls the same set of loaded dice on the counter and it does not matter how many times he rolls snake eyes I will not give him the cartons for free he gets so mad

but actually genuinely why is the ant sad and leaving with a bindle

Sometimes your bad coworker will be like "I can't do anything right & I ruin everything I touch :(" and you can't even comfort them because like damn. Yeah. You really can't do anything right and you do ruin everything you touch☝️

HE'S GETTING FIRED. NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAMS!!!!!!!!!!

my dead wife. the ad free internet

"Whimsy" is truly a wretched term. What maketh thee so carefree?

thy mother

Art thou for fucking real

mmm oh I can't think about that or I'll die

happy decade to the horrible beast i have wrought

I have GOT to stop spending $30

$30 is the new $5 but $100 is still $100 #Fucked

You never know what color pallette someone's Tumblr is till ppl are screenshotting posts and tags

Oh wow.

Some people on tumblr are reading ancient scrolls and you'd never know