mily

can't wait to relate every song on midnights with the marauders.

being an aftg fan is so difficult. literally every time i talk about it to someone new i start by telling them exactly why they shouldn't read it. i have to separate myself from a lot of the fandom because even though fanon aftg is a lot more popular than canon aftg (for obvious reasons) i cannot, CANNOT talk to ppl who like any version of nicky hemmick or seth gordon without accidentally judging them. the first time i read the books i finished them in two days and didn't remember what happened in them afterwards because that one scene in the raven king triggered me and sent me right into a dissociative episode. nora sakavic is my worst enemy. i can't think about andrew minyard without psychoanalysing him. i'm in a reading slump except for aftg so i've only been reading aftg. every time i see a fox or the colour orange i think about neil josten. every character is The Worst and i love almost all of them anyway

neil snatching andrew’s burnt out cigarette butt from a grubby pavement was the sluttiest possible thing he could’ve done. i dont think we appreciate flirty-menace-neil enough, he GOES for what he wants 

I do think that Allison had a whole phase where she dyed her hair new colors almost every month (if not more frequently). Part of the reason why was to spite her parents because they wanted her to have a picture perfect image so she dyed it pink, purple, blue, any outrageous color. After that, it just became her way of expressing herself. When her hair was brown, or a reddish color, it was her way of distancing herself from her parents because her mother was blonde and her dad had black hair. That way she had even less in common with them. Eventually, Neil decides he wants to dye his hair a random color just for the hell of it because he’s never had the opportunity and he goes to Allison and Renee for help. Allison offers options of short term hair-dye and Renee tells him which ones will damage his hair the least. They both dye their hair in support so he doesn’t feel so weird about it. (Allison and Neil dye their hair together several more times over the years)

You know when I first read The Foxhole Court, I didn’t realize that the foxes genuinely thought Andrew was a psychopath. When I read the part when Neil was like “you’re not actually a sociopath are you?” and Andrew said “I never said I was”. I was like??? Of course he isn’t. But then Neil said “does Wymack know?” And I was like, hold up- is this an actual revelation that he’s having??? Was the team not joking when they referred to Andrew as “crazy” and “psycho” and “monster”??? It was then that it hit me that they actually, really, genuinely thought he was crazy. And it really hit me hard because it’s so sad that Andrew had to live his entire life as an outcast and then he joins this team that’s supposed to be filled with people just like him and maybe, just maybe, he could finally get some understanding but no. They’re just as judgy as everyone else and they also believe he’s a monster that needs to be caged. Needs to be controlled. When Andrew almost breaks Allison’s neck after she hit Aaron and he left, Matt told Nicky “if Neil can control Andrew then why can’t you?”. Like- what the fuck? This is a human. This is a person. This is someone who has gone through shit without anyone ever believing he was worthy of basic respect, basic human treatment. And it really fucks me up to think of Andrew Minyard going through life with everyone thinking he’s a fucking monster when in reality he’s just a person that needs some understanding. And that’s why he’s so dumbfounded when he meets Neil. This goddamn person who believes him, listens to him, trusts him, understands him, loves him as he is.