they are my soft babies

Fights in my mind are different from disagreements. Which is why I said fights are rare and weird. Trying to explain this is really convincing me to actually sit down and write that analysis but in the meantime I’ll annoyingly quote previous writing on how I think Esme and Carlisle fight weird:

“In their marriage they had to learn how to fight; to be honest they were still learning how to fight. Carlisle was, of course, terrified any sort of disagreement would make him her ex-husband. He’d rather die of discontent than ever make himself comparable to that man, to ever make her feel unsafe in their union...

What he hadn’t imagined was she was the one who had to refrain from becoming someone from her first marriage. She never hit him, she never would, in truth she was never anything more than angry. It was such a stark juxtaposition from the woman she typically was.

But in disagreements was the only moment Carlisle ever got a glimpse of the wife Charles had sculpted himself. Not the placating pushover who blamed herself for his abuse. The woman who had grown from a girl who challenged authority, pushed boundaries, and was stubborn as a goat and more than proud of it. The woman who emerged in their fights explained so much. It was ingrained in her psyche, disagreements were vicious wars. Defensives raised at the slightest provocations. A generally disinterested tone that triggered his own defenses.”

Now what does the rest of the family think of Esme and Carlisle's disagreements and fights?

Most of the time they’re genuinely not a witness for actual fights. Carlisle and Esme both respect each other to try to confront their bigger fundamental disagreements in private, always trying to give each other the benefit of the doubt. Key word try.

Sometimes there are extenuating circumstances. Like during Bella’s pregnancy the entire house, sans Bella’s human ears, heard Esme whisper through clenched teeth, “a word, Carlisle.” And they heard Carlisle’s even harsher, “I have many for you at this moment.” No matter how quiet the couple tried to be, their ‘children’ could hear a few jabs.

They heard the end of the fight in particular. Esme’s light out of place laugh, Carlisle’s scathing ‘you find this humorous?’ Then Esme’s eerily calm, “I’m just realizing all these years you’ve been right. I could never see why you saw yourself like that. But now I think I finally understand.” That was the end of the fight, and the end of the discussion, those words haunt Carlisle pretty much every day and she only partially regrets them.

The kids have gotten both simultaneously very good and very bad at telling when a disagreement is going to happen.

Carlisle and Esme have (at least in my head) a very specific brand of banter that can turn on a dime very easily and unintentionally. They’ve both had to learn how to communicate with the other when they’re not in the mood to hear jokes about their age or that they need flat out support without a sarcastic retort. The kids however don’t really understand this line and often misinterpret things Carlisle and Esme find harmless as passive aggressive and vice versa. Which results in misplaced protectiveness or insulting laughs.

But there are tell-tale signs that they all kind of recognize as Carlisle and Esme both refusing to acknowledge their discontent, which just comes with living with people that long. All the kids know if Esme is acting uncharacteristically nice something is wrong. One time in the 60’s Jasper and Emmett broke through an eight foot tall antique window and she did not blink an eye. “It’s just glass,” was all she said with a tight smile. She stops advocating for her opinions when upset, instead blindly agreeing to keep the peace. Carlisle lies about hunting when he’s mad, he’ll say he went after work despite his eyes being pitch black. He stops listening to others. “We’re moving, I apologize you’re frustrated with that decision but it is happening.” He works even more than usual, which is difficult to do.

A lot of the time they subconsciously try to meditate when they see these signs. If Carlisle’s working a lot one of them, most likely Emmett, will lightheartedly point it out. If Esme’s been absurdly withdrawn someone, most likely Emmett, will point it out and try to draw her back into reality.

But the three who consciously try to mediate, even during fights, are Edward, Alice, and Jasper (to an extent). Edward is really the one who cares. From 1921-1927 he was unintentionally the middle man. Carlisle and Esme didn’t try to triangulate him in. He felt they deserved to be happy and in Edward logic he could ensure that by making sure they never fought. It didn’t work, it just meant in 1927 when there was an Edward shaped hole in their relationship they fought and boy did they fight after he left. By the time he rejoins the scene they’ve learned how to communicate with each other and he often is a hindrance in their fights. This does not stop him from stepping in. Alice feels responsible for trying to stop things before they happen, which usually means disagreements turn into fights on a later day because resentment has risen. Jasper tries to appease emotions, they’re both passionate people so he feels good when they’re happy, and when they’re angry it is palpable. These attempts again don't work because conflict is healthy, and some would argue crucial for a relationship to work.

Rosalie is pretty much always on Esme’s side in fights. No matter what. Even if, objectively, Esme is being stupid, Esme is one of the two people Rosalie will play ‘Devil’s Advocate’ for. I’ve joked Rosalie would kill Carlisle if Esme asked, or pack up a bag and drive the getaway car, but I mean it.

At first they were really hesitant to even disagree in front of Rosalie, which resulted in them having their second or fourth biggest fight ever, depending on who you ask. But Rosalie assumed the worst when they both returned on the verge of impossible tears. When Esme refused to really speak about Charles or Royce for weeks afterward, that was practically confirmation of the theory Rosalie had built up in her mind. She had avoided speaking to Carlisle directly at the point but she managed to get Edward and Esme out of the house somehow and then she let him have it. She gave Carlisle forty-two seconds, yes she counted, to explain himself, and he had never spoken so fast. He reveals how far back Rosalie has set back Esme, how he is not the one hurting her, ect.

From then on they don’t shy away from disagreeing in front of Rosalie. She needed an example of a “healthy” relationship, and assurance that Carlisle was not abusing his wife.

Edward 99.5% of the time is on Carlisle’s side. (Unless Esme’s safety is in question then that’s a different story and the Mama’s boy who killed her first husband jumps out).

Emmett doesn’t really care all that much. He respects how they can easily disagree but makes jokes to Carlisle about missing out on “makeup-sex” which resulting in Carlisle desperately attempting to hold his tongue, and if Edward is in earshot wishing for death.

Alice and Jasper try to help out a little with their gifts but don’t objectively care all that much besides trying to “keep the peace.”

Bella on the other hand needs to see resolution. Her narration is very insecure, especially when it comes to romantic relationships. I imagine it’s very possible Renee had more than one boyfriend introduced as a permanent fixture only to be gone a week later. But even if not, the stories of Charlie and Renee’s relationship wouldn’t give Bella the best confidence. So in canon it’s no wonder she idealizes and romanticizes some of the Cullens and that “perfect” family they present themselves as (or Edward idealizes and the narrative sticks but I digress). When she hears Carlisle and Esme openly disagree for the first time she interprets it as the end. The next time she saw them they were acting completely normal but she was still suspicious.

A few weeks later she’s in Carlisle’s study and quietly says she’s glad he got back together, and then something about how she wouldn’t want him to go through the pain she saw her parents go through.

After a while he finally looks up from his laptop. “My apologies, I missed who was getting a divorce?”

“You and Esme… but you two are back together, which is good. I'm so happy for you. Did I say something wrong? I’m sorry I brought it up. That was stupid, forget I said anything,” Bella stammers.

“Es!” Carlisle shouts across the house. She’s in the study in a minute. “Did you know we're leaving each other?”

“I don’t have it on my calendar,” Esme said. “But can we do it next week? It works a lot better for me.”

“Isabella thought we had decided to go separate ways.”

Esme laughs but they’re both looking at Bella for an explanation. “You guys had that fight in the kitchen, and Esme you said that you were “done with the conversation and couldn’t keep having this fight for the rest of your life.””

Esme and Carlisle were matching frowns for a half minute until Esme understood. “The fight about him putting my Tupperware in the dishwasher?”

“They had red lids, you have said for decades the pink ones can go in the dishwasher. Red is in the same color family as pink, you the artist should know that.”

“The pink ones are Pyrex, completely different things, and they don’t go in that thing either.”

That’s when Bella realizes while they’re “fighting” they’re not mad, they’re both smiling, Esme’s arm is casually wrapped around her husband’s shoulders, he had angled his desk chair as she walked up so she could stand by him. She feels stupid for even worrying, of course they wouldn’t end an almost century long marriage over dish-ware but she was afraid, and that fear was real.

Carlisle and Esme recognize this pretty instantaneously and share a quick look of ‘we don’t know how we found another wildly traumatized teen but here we go.’

All that to say they make a point around Bella of either reemphasizing commitment or reconciling all together, even if they’ve talked it over in private they’ll fake a public truce. Sometimes that emphasis looks weird to everyone else; like Carlisle being welcomed home with an “I’m mad at you.”

And he’ll respond with a calm “Sounds good, we have dinner plans with Dr. Walters and her wife on Friday.”

“Great, what are we bringing?” Esme will ask, and then they’ll talk about why she’s mad at him.

In short: Each kid has a different reaction, some really mind and others not so much.