Spread love and laughs

I know you want mommy to recreate that lesbisn makeup image but do you know how hard tight lining is? Mommy will partially blind you.

L + Unskilled Mommy

Kitten I'm not gonna lie mommy is straight ass at this

going over to my minimalist girlfriend’s house and she apologizes profusely for the mess and there’s just a single perfect, fresh pea on the floor of her living room

Blue Lois

can i help you

Red Marge

jesus christ. I Am Under Fucking Attack

World Heritage Post

i deserve a medal for this post. not because i was particularly funny but because i survived an onslaught of nearly one hundred gimmick blogs in the wake of this post popping off, and the fact that i didn’t try to track any of them down and snuff them out with my bare hands is a testament to my immeasurable strength and should be rewarded. at one point i had “the official letter h” add on to this post. you wanna know that blog’s gimmick? the really funny and original and worthwhile gimmick the official letter h blog had? yep you guessed it they just gave me the god damned letter H and then fucked off. only jesus knows the suffering i endured over that harsh winter, and he wept for me

My friend really changed once she became a vegetarian 

its like ive never seen herbivore

i sighed so loud my mom asked me if i was okay and she’s two rooms away

If you were really my friend you’d do this highly unethical experimental surgery on me

remember to bury the dead with a phone, everyone. these days the ferry terminal at the river styx wants you to download a fucking app

free my girl she did all that and that’s what makes her such a compellingly complex character. that’s her essence

i got that dog in me but it's poorly socialized and i don't take it on as many walks as i should

Well Ok I like this

this fetish stuff is getting out of hand what the fuck is word play

developing the hots for ryan gosling because of project hail mary is so fucking embarrassing I swear to god. that is a conventionally attractive man. a noted hollywood heartthrob. he's even blond, are you kidding me? did he win people magazine's sexiest man alive? I don't know. I'm not going to check but it wouldn't surprise me at this point. it's such a mainstream taste. such a clichéd celebrity crush. like oh I fancy ryan gosling and my favourite drink is coca-cola and my favourite snack is ready salted crisps. jesus christ. 'b-b-but i only like him when he's in a science pun tshirt and playing a dorky-awkward loner type!' doesn't matter. he's still ryan 'ken from barbie' gosling. it's so trite. I feel like the weird nerd girl in a teen coming-of-age romcom falling for the super popular jock. don't I know that I have a reputation to uphold here? cringe.

mind palace that was formerly a palace until the ruling family was killed mercilessly for its crimes. and now it's the thinking woman's socialist republic.

It's actually super unethical to keep a peeve as a pet

yes!!! thank you!!! I hate when people do this, it's one of my uh... one of my... oh no...

atheist quarterback throws a hail darwin

agnostic quarterback throws a hail maybe

christian pitcher throws a christian baby

you've met me at a very "yeah i'm trying to work on that" time in my life

I can smell the poison in my goblet but I lowkey don't even care anymore

What if Mike was short for Micycle

every now and then theres a text post that gets stuck in my damn head. here it is. im never going to be free of micycle

What if bike was short for bichael