The life

I don't know what's been going on, but recently I've been feeling terrible. I keep thinking about older days been missing the way things were, angry at myself for not being happier with how my life is. Getting stuck in a rut is awful, but I've been in a few and always felt amazing when I get out of them. I don't know if it's books I've been reading, podcasts I've been listening too or games I've been playing, but it's been weird. It's a good consolation prize to know the people I care about are doing well In life and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I can't wait to get there. I'll be good, I'll get out of this rut and get back to loving the life of a dumpy fuck.

New duds

I have a hunch that the next breakthrough in particle physics is going to be the discovery that at the smallest level, everything is made up of poop emojis and middle fingers. 💩🖕

Da Berd

Going from wanting to watch the world crumble to gaining satisfaction from seeing people build and construct their lives is one of the best things that's ever happened to me. Having markers to remind me of this is very important.

Today I think I'm ready to start letting go of bad parts of my life and embracing what good is/was there.

Every day

Grinding hard or hardly grinding? Gotta get them morning tunes going.

Happy birthday to me!

I'm not perfect, but I'm always trying.

It's so easy to get wrapped up in the many things that make our lives what they are. It's so easy to become bitter or spiteful because of the many problems in our society. But yesterday I saw someone who needed help, so much help. I felt his emaciated body through his jacket when I went to pat him on the back, he looked frightened by my approach, I'm pretty sure he is homeless and confident he spends most his life on the streets. I don't know his story and I don't know what circumstances he struggles with everyday. Maybe he suffers from a drug addiction, he certainly struggles with some kind of mental and physical ailments. He had some kind of speech impediment, he had a limp in his gait, he had a semi vacant expression. It was cold, his clothes looked rugged and thick, but not warm enough. Everything about him looked worn and tired. I don't know how I know, but I know this man had been subjected to less warmth and human compassion than I could handle. I saw a failure of our healthcare system, the cities, the state and our country. Nobody should live like that in a land of such abundance. I was going to pick up 2 pizzas when I saw him receive some money from a stranger and run across the street to the gas station. On my way back home I made sure drive by the same place. I wanted to see if he was still there, and if he was I wanted to see if he had gotten some food, not drugs or booze. Sure enough he had. He had gotten some kind of steaming noodles and what looked like a jerky stick. He was struggling to pull the lid off the noodles. It looked like he had some kind of palsy, maybe mild Parkinson's, or maybe Tourette's, I started to cry. I tried to get my composure back before getting home. I had to tell my girlfriend we couldn't have both pizzas and that I needed to at least give one to this person if he was still there. I didn't even have to ask, as I began explaining she just asked if I wanted to do just that. So she drove me there and that's what I did. I could have done more, I probably should have. The pizza isn't the hug I'm sure he needs, it won't fill the sense of companionship he might need, it isn't the warm clothes, the money, the caregivers, or the shelter that he probably does need. But it was something and I hope it helped. I told him God bless you and I asked him to try to take care of himself. The point I hope everyone can learn one day is simple. Please try to be compassionate to other human beings. Try to understand how hard a life can be without the feeling of warmth and love that we get from each other. Try to smile more, remember to be nice and kind when you can. Don't forget how much small help or kind gestures can go for those that have so so little in their lives. Please don't forget that everyone was someone's son or daughter. Remember that not everyone is loved by their parents as you or I have been. And don't forget that people aren't just faces and number but a human being with a story and feelings. We need to take care of each other.

On international peace day I think it’s important to celebrate the peace we experience around the world. Im so lucky to have lived my entire life this far without experiencing the atrocities that are committed by monstrous people every day on our earth. It’s a day to be proud and thankful for the life that I get to live. But it’s also a day to try not to forget the struggles of others. It’s a day to pray, have hopes or wishes, to be mindful of those who aren’t so lucky. It’s so so important that we don’t forget about those who fight the good fights out there. It’s important to be proud of those who go defend others from the actions of tyrants. This is an article I opened up more than a year ago, and I haven’t ever closed it since. For me it’s an everyday reminder of how horrible it is in other places. The evils of man knows no bounds, which is why we have days like this to celebrate peace and triumphs over such evils. 
There are only a few things in my life that have touched me like this article has. I implore you to read it and not forget it. Be thankful of peace if you have it, don’t lose sight of it if it’s currently absent in your life.