lovedrabbles

I want to be a clock, needed but not wanted.

Being looked at when necessary but ignored on a lazy afternoon.

I’m alright of being push around but you will remember when you need me again.

I want to be a clock, a device of time that people can easily forget.

Stacked, on a wobbling balance

With eyes so bright, in the dark

Delicately, piece by piece placed together

Not jigsaw but like shards of glass

Tumbled, down you went

Scattered, thoughts shattered

Tears streaming down my cheeks and as much as I try to make them stop, it pushes through like a broken dam. I hear your shallow breathing and my heart breaks along with yours. I want to take back the cruel words that spilled from my mouth but I can’t. I won’t because I can’t keep lying to myself anymore. I can’t keep thinking that it’s okay that you’re not in love with me.

“What difference does it make? I love you! Isn’t–isn’t that enough?”

Your voice reduced into a whisper but I haven’t heard anything more clear as if you are shouting in my face. I shook my head and I want to reach out to you, to hold you like before but I know you won’t let me. You moved back a couple of more steps like I’m repulsive. It hurts but I knew it would the moment I wanted to tell you. I wanted to tell you that what we have is a concept.

Being together with you is a wonderful fantasy. You’re a great person who takes care of me, selflessly and wonderfully but I can’t be selfless. I’m flawed and selfish. I want a earth shattering love where when I look into that person’s eyes. I want my breath to be taken away whenever I see that person and only that person can make me alive again. I want what you feel when you see her.

Waking up next to you is the best feeling in the world. Your strong arms circled my waist while I sleep, giving me a sense of safety. That’s it. Being with you makes me feel safe, here in bed. Your steady heartbeat and breaths in my ear became the best constant in my life with legs tangled. As I shift in your arms, you slowly tighten your hold on me. It makes me smile and a little overwhelmed. Butterflies erupted in my stomach as I go over your features. The twitch in your eyelids makes me wonder what you are dreaming about. Your high cheekbones with your sharp jawline still makes me weak even after being with you for so long. I traced your lower lip as it jutted out in a pout. I guess your dream aren’t going so well. I leaned in closer to you and traced your lips with my own. You slowly opened your eyes and your pout went away. I blushed thinking because I made you happy but not as much as you make me.

“Morning, love.”

You lazily said as you kissed my nose. With that gesture alone, I tucked underneath your chin and breath in your scent. A lavender smell with a trace of vanilla filled my nose. I need to ask you what body wash you use because I’m so addicted. We stayed in this position for a while. Maybe only two minutes passed or an hour. It doesn’t matter because as long as I’m with you, time stops and only you exist.

“I wish we can stay here forever and not leave.”

I laughed at your wish because I want the same thing. It’s Sunday so why can’t we make this wish come true.

“Do we have to go to your sister’s wedding? I mean, we can totally skip.”

Oh, that’s why. My sister would not forgive me and possibly kill you if we miss her wedding considering I’m also the maid of honor. I feel you slip your hand under my shirt and slowly rub circles on my lower back. You know how that makes me feel: content and lazy.