The Captain

Most dangerous animal on earth?  FUCK YOU. 

I won that war without breaking a sweat.  Now excuse me, I need to go eat some plastic and find a banjo pick to chase down the hallway.

What's the one thing that sounds worse than metal banjo picks on fake hardwood floors?

See that fucking fuse box behind me?  It was closed. Now it's open.  Fuckin humans.  They don't know shit about making functional fuse box doors.  A waste of opposable fucking thumbs.  So what?  I opened it.  You know what else I did?  Flipped the switch is what.  That's right, see what happens next time you try to blow dry your hair while you microwave brussel sprouts, Bitch.