The silence that followed Clint's declaration was absolute, broken only by the tiny, happy gurgle from the baby in Thorās arms. Clint was already backing away, holding his silent, dark phone to his ear. "Yep, yep, got it. Big... uh... plumbing emergency at the farm. The pipes are... singing. Gotta go." He was out the door before anyone could protest.
Steve cleared his throat, his face a mask of diplomatic panic. "I would, Thor, really, but I have a... a meeting with the... Smithsonian. Very important. Can't be late." He moved with super-soldier speed, offering a weak, apologetic salute before vanishing down the hallway.
Bruce, having just recovered from his near-fatal coffee inhalation, began patting his lab coat pockets with frantic energy. "My... my allergy medication. I feel a... a big one coming on. Hulk-level sniffles. Must go... isolate. For everyone's safety." He practically ran for the elevator, muttering about pollen counts and gamma radiation.
That left Tony. Tony Stark, genius, billionaire, philanthropist, and now, sole guardian of a demi-god, half-fire-demon, princess infant. He stared at the baby. The baby, Laussa, stared back with wide, curious blue eyes that held a faint, almost imperceptible flicker of orange deep within.
Thor, completely oblivious to the true reason for their mass exodus, beamed and thrust the baby into Tonyās stiff arms. "Excellent! I knew I could count on you, Stark! She has been fed, she should sleep soon. There is a list of her needs on this scroll. Thank you, my friend! I shall return by sundown!"
And with a crack of thunder that shook the entire tower, Thor was gone.
Tony stood frozen, holding the baby as if she were a unstable arc reactor. Laussa cooed, grabbing a handful of his goatee with a surprisingly strong grip.
"Okay," Tony said to the empty room. "Okay. Don't panic. You've defused bombs with worse wiring. How different can this be?"
He looked at the scroll Thor had given him. It was elaborate, written in glowing ink on what felt like vellum.
Item One: Laussa must be sung the ballads of the First Sunrise every two hours to strengthen her connection to the light. Item Two: Do not, under any circumstances, let her near open flame. She will try to eat it and her diapers are not flame-retardant. Item Three: Her teething ring is in the pouch; it is a cooled fragment of a dwarf star. Do not lose it. Item Four: If she begins to glow, she is either happy or summoning the Eternal Flame. It is usually the former, but be vigilant.
Tony stared from the scroll to the baby, who was now attempting to chew on the repulsor node on his wrist. "FRIDAY," he said, his voice slightly strained.
"Cancel my everything. And initiate the 'Oh God, There's a Baby' protocol."
"Then make one up! I need a sterile, non-flammable environment. Baby-proof the entire common floor. And get me... I don't know... something from the gift shop. A onesie. A rattle. Something that doesn't require knowledge of ancient Norse lullabies."
He carefully sat on the couch, holding Laussa out in front of him. She giggled, a sound like tiny bells and popping embers.
"Alright, Your Highness," Tony muttered. "Let's lay down some ground rules. No forging weapons of destiny, no realm-destroying tantrums, and absolutely no setting the drapes on fire. We clear?"
Laussa responded by blowing a perfect, tiny smoke ring.
Tony's eyes went wide. "...Cool. Okay. That's... that's actually kind of cool. FRIDAY, did you get that?"
"I did, boss. Analysis suggests a 0.0001% concentration of cosmic particulate matter in the exhalation."
"See? We're science-ing already." He adjusted his hold, bringing her a little closer. She snuggled into his chest, her tiny body surprisingly warm. He tentatively patted her back. "Don't get used to this. Your uncle Thunderbrows is coming back. I am not dad material. I'm fun-uncle-at-a-distance material."
Laussa sighed contentedly, her faint glow pulsing in a soft, sleepy rhythm.
Tony sighed, a slow smile spreading across his face despite himself. "FRIDAY?"
"Order the biggest, most ridiculously expensive crib you can find. And see if we can get a onesie in black and gold. If I'm babysitting a princess of Asgard, she's going to have style."
He looked down at the now-sleeping baby, her demonic heritage completely hidden by an expression of perfect peace. "Yeah," he whispered. "Thor and Surtur. That's a story for another day. For now... you're not so bad, Sparky."