they're trying hard to weaponize you and i

this album hit me hard and fast.

when a friend suggested i check twenty one pilots, out back at the end of april, i fucking laughed. legitimately had no desire. i stopped paying attention to them the second i heard “heavydirtysoul” for the 18000th time however many years ago. i never paid attention again. i was aware they existed but was deep into different things and sounds and wasn’t curious in the slightest. that’s a good thing. i wasn’t in a place where i could’ve appreciated any of it. especially not this album when it came out.

my friend never told me where to start. so i did what any sane person would do. i made a randomizer for the albums and then once the album was chosen did a randomizer for the songs and started there.

the first song i heard? “redecorate.” arguably not the place i would now advise anyone to start, but i was hooked. i then played the entire album and realized this was exactly the style i love. so imagine my surprise when i learned this isn’t the fan favorite??? that it’s considered their weakest album??? i… can’t even begin to comprehend this.

the way this album is a musical manifestation of on the outside everything is fine but inside you’re drowning and dying is fucking genius. the serious topics layered with uptempo beats and synth pop adjacent? the bright colors distracting from the messaging? how it calls out for help but also i swear i’m fine. i don’t know what tyler was smoking during this period but it’s borderline genius to create an album that masks itself fully and completely. an album that is so categorically different that you’re forced to ask why. an album that allows for serious conversations with a safety net of fun and whimsy.

i feel like people are probably incredibly confused about why i’m suddenly in love with this band. but when you find something that is a musical manifestation of your entire young adult life and dare i say into your actual adult life? you latch on hard and fast. in a weird way it’s made me feel like i wasn’t crazy. i’m not crazy. having days and weeks where you question what’s the point of continuing on while cracking jokes, smiling and being friendly is just something some of us will forever struggle with.