Welcome to the shit show

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-( @everybodys-favourite-gunner )

*Fucking hell, why are there so many. They are swarming across the walls.*

-( @everybodys-favourite-gunner )

*Fucking hell, why are there so many. They are swarming across the walls.*

I have yet to hear from him since he went off on vacation

I am leaving this letter in his inbox in a last hope that he shall see it when he returns, IF he returns, and maybe then he will respond to me

It has gotten quite lonely and I am afraid I am experiencing a most serious case of a broken heart. If only my dear husband were here, I could perhaps borrow his instead, seeing as it probably works better than mine. Seeing as I don't have one.

I must away myself now, perhaps to a closet or behind a vent, so that I may contemplate his disappearance in a silence that shall only be broken by my occasional sad, yearning sighs.

I love you Jonny, please return soon. I am bored. Sincerely, @tally-fucking-ho

*Jonny's having a great time scrolling through his asks, catching up on everything he's missed. This one catches him off guard.*

*He forwards it through to the Toy Soldier in their private message channel along with his reply.*

You really missed me this much? I mean hell, I would have thought the others would keep you company. You all knew I was coming back.

...Still missed you too, though. My sword's safe, took it with me. Had to gut a few guys to get it back at one point but theres not a scratch on it - might need to look into gettin' something less bulky as a momento, I want something to carry around.

After the gifts are done, come to my quarters, yeah? I'll make it up to you for staying away so long.

Love you.

Dear husband! You've returned!

Yes, I really did miss you that much. The others kept me company of course, however none of them are my dear husband. I knew well you would be returning, but that didn't change the fact that you weren't there.

I'm happy to hear you missed me too! Well, specifically I'm not glad that you missed me, but I'm glad you care and I'm happy to know we'll both be enjoying reuniting! How incredible that your sword is safe, gutting a few chaps is nothing you can't handle. I am inclined to agree about getting something smaller, seeing as I frequently have to leave my sword behind. Perhaps we should have gone for daggers?

Absolutely! I'll be seeing you there! I'm excited for whatever you have in mind! Do you need me to bring tea? :¦)

I love you too!

No tea, just yourself. I might have actually stolen some of your stash before I went, so you'll be happy to know I drank shit that wasn't alcohol.

Duly noted! And don't worry, I'm well aware. Why do you think my stash looked the way it did when you stole from it? ;¦)

Getting clumsy, are we? Suppose I'll probably have some mending to do as well once I get settled back in, if I'm feeling nice.

I'll meet you there then, I've currently got our resident quack stuck to me like a splimpet.

*And it doesn't respond after that. When Jonny returns to his quarters, the Toy Soldier is there waiting, sitting politely on his bed. Its uniform looks like it was just straightened, and it looks as if it took extra care to neatly tuck its hair in its hat. It smells slightly more like tea than usual. It beams once Jonny walks in.*

Dear husband! There you are! Do you need some help with those?

*He gives in and lets it help, slinging the backpack off his back and setting it down. For a brief moment they are both just standing there. Then Jonny takes the last step forward and leans in to cup its face with both hands, touching their foreheads together. His right thumb strokes the painted wood of its cheek.*

I don't mind terribly if you get it dirty. I've missed you quite a lot, and I'd quite like it if you kissed me...

*Kissing lips made of wood is always going to be a slightly odd experience but Jonny clearly doesn't mind. He kisses the Toy Soldier eagerly, purposefully, almost smacking his nose in his haste. One of his hands drops from its face to the small of its back to tug it closer.*

*It openes its mouth to speak after Jonny does, getting interrupted by him kissing it again. It takes Jonny's hand, the one still on its face, and gently brings it down to cup it with both hands.*

"Nothing, just talking t'myself," *he lies.* "I should clean off before we get too comfortable, but first-"

*He gently dislodges his hand so he can bend down and pick up the discarded bag. There's excitement in his eyes as he opens it up and pulls out the contents. They are, in order:

An unfamiliar military uniform of deep scarlet and brilliant gold-*

"Took it off a general in some skirmish I passed, looked to be about your size. I thought it would fit your collection, if the fit is off I can adjust it."

*-a boxed set of hair pins and sticks, decorated with intricate pieces of sea glass carved into flowers and cats with multiple tails-*

"Since you've been wearing it longer recently, or 'least you were when I left and you are now. I tried describing an octokitten to them but I don't think they got what I meant."

*-and an elegant glass figurine of a bird, a canary maybe, flying joyously from its cage. This one Jonny looks almost wary to be touching as he holds it out.*

"Careful with this one, s'fragile, almost broke it while I was running from some assholes with a plasma cannon."

*It watches curiously as Jonny opens the bag.*

You brought things for me?

*It sounds surprised, happy*

*It grabs the uniform and starts inspecting it. The seams look to be of high quality, and it quite likes the shape and color of it. It runs a wooden thumb over one spot, it seems mended, from what the Toy Soldier can tell, the general previously wearing probably got slashed. It recognized the mending as Jonny's work.*

This looks quite dapper! You know my style well, I shall have to try it on later! Thank you!

*It seems to assume that would be all, but then Jonny pulls out the next thing. The Toy Soldier sets the uniform down so it can grab the box. It opens it carefully, running its fingers over the designs. It looks up at Jonny when he mentions describing an octokitten.*

Did you have these commissioned for me?

*Its voice shakes slightly, as if it were about to cry. It puts the box down for a moment to take off its hat. It starts twisting its long hair, wrapping it in a circle, pausing to pick one of the hair sticks, which it then secures it's hair with. It turns its head to let Jonny see. It feels a bit weird not wearing its hat, but it feels pretty.*

*When Jonny holds out the glass figurine, the Toy Soldier doesn't say a word. It simply grabs it with perhaps more care than it has grabbed anything in centuries, and stares in awe. It gently turns it around, bringing it close to its face to investigate all the detail. When Jonny finally looks at it, he sees its entirely blank expression, almost as if it's so caught up in admiring the figurine it forgot to emote.*

*Jonny gets a bit awkward when it asks if he commissioned the set, scratching at his jaw.*

"Yeah? They had good work on display but none of it fit right for you, so... y'know, got to get something you'll actually use..."

*He trails off as it starts twisting it's hair up. Is his heart ticking louder, or is that just him? He swallows.*

"Looks good on you."

*More than anything else, Jonny is tense as he watches it stare at the bird. That fucking bird. He'd had to get it the moment he saw it - something about the joy in the pose of the bird's wings, the exaltation of freedom from ownership entrapment. It was a bitch and a half to take care of. It nearly got broken half a dozen times getting it back to the stolen ship, not to mention all the times since. And now TS isn't saying anything. Its face is blank. Shit. Is that good or bad? He can't tell, and he really wants a cigarette, he should have had one before coming to his quarters-*

*His train of thought is interrupted by suddenly having arms full of Toy Soldier. He 'oof's, stumbling backwards and belatedly bringing his arms up around it. Ah.*

I love them, I love them a lot, thank you! The uniform fits my collection perfectly, the hair pins and sticks are really pretty and I'm excited to show them off, and the bird... Oh the bird is so stunning, I'll take the best care of it, I'll display it somewhere everyone can see, I'll dust it every day, thank you, thank you, thank you!

Air... Air is important...

*When its grip loosens he groans, forehead thunking onto its wooden shoulder. He hugs it back before it can pull away and laughs, winded.*

By jove are you okay?! I broke my husband... I've never broken the others before...

*It seems a bit relieved at Jonny hugging it back though, and veeery carfully pets the top of his head.*

I'm sorry! I got too excited!

Hell, don't you dare. He's already swindled me into a date tomorrow so he can take a look at them then. Tonight is just you and me.

*He reluctantly pulls back from the embrace, grimacing at the marks he's left on the Toy Soldier's once-pristine uniform.*

*The Toy Soldier notices the marks when Jonny grimaces. It gently scrubs at them, not seeming to mind terribly.*

Ahh, yes- getting cleaned up really does make you feel all jolly better, doesn't it?

*It says, then it thinks back to that night where Jonny had ended up polishing the Toy Soldier after an unfortunate event involving a sneaky anon with a marker.*

*Jonny agrees. He pauses at the offer and seems to genuinely consider it for a few moments before shaking his head.*

Oh of course, I don't mind at all! Take all the time you need, good chap!

*He tosses the towel into the corner, stretching his arms over his head with a couple of concerning pops, and there's something strangely human about the way his yawning mouth cracks into a grin when he meets the Toy Soldier's gaze. The exhaustion and adrenaline of a long vacation coupled with the relief of being back are softening the edges of his usual brashness. It's an odd look on him, but not a bad one. He tilts his head to the side and saunters over casually.*

*It can't help but smile as their eyes meet, covering its painted red cheeks with its hands.*

Right, that was it. *he agrees.* So if I just...

*He climbs onto the bed - scratch that, he keeps going. He all but climbs on top of the Toy Soldier, leaning his weight on one hand as he glances playfully from its face to its painted lips.*

*It wants to answer the question seriously, it really does! But the way Jonny's looking at it, (especially the fact that he's naked,) makes it really hard.*

I think what we were doing before was perhaps a bit different,

I have yet to hear from him since he went off on vacation

I am leaving this letter in his inbox in a last hope that he shall see it when he returns, IF he returns, and maybe then he will respond to me

It has gotten quite lonely and I am afraid I am experiencing a most serious case of a broken heart. If only my dear husband were here, I could perhaps borrow his instead, seeing as it probably works better than mine. Seeing as I don't have one.

I must away myself now, perhaps to a closet or behind a vent, so that I may contemplate his disappearance in a silence that shall only be broken by my occasional sad, yearning sighs.

I love you Jonny, please return soon. I am bored. Sincerely, @tally-fucking-ho

*Jonny's having a great time scrolling through his asks, catching up on everything he's missed. This one catches him off guard.*

*He forwards it through to the Toy Soldier in their private message channel along with his reply.*

You really missed me this much? I mean hell, I would have thought the others would keep you company. You all knew I was coming back.

...Still missed you too, though. My sword's safe, took it with me. Had to gut a few guys to get it back at one point but theres not a scratch on it - might need to look into gettin' something less bulky as a momento, I want something to carry around.

After the gifts are done, come to my quarters, yeah? I'll make it up to you for staying away so long.

Love you.

Dear husband! You've returned!

Yes, I really did miss you that much. The others kept me company of course, however none of them are my dear husband. I knew well you would be returning, but that didn't change the fact that you weren't there.

I'm happy to hear you missed me too! Well, specifically I'm not glad that you missed me, but I'm glad you care and I'm happy to know we'll both be enjoying reuniting! How incredible that your sword is safe, gutting a few chaps is nothing you can't handle. I am inclined to agree about getting something smaller, seeing as I frequently have to leave my sword behind. Perhaps we should have gone for daggers?

Absolutely! I'll be seeing you there! I'm excited for whatever you have in mind! Do you need me to bring tea? :¦)

I love you too!

No tea, just yourself. I might have actually stolen some of your stash before I went, so you'll be happy to know I drank shit that wasn't alcohol.

Duly noted! And don't worry, I'm well aware. Why do you think my stash looked the way it did when you stole from it? ;¦)

Getting clumsy, are we? Suppose I'll probably have some mending to do as well once I get settled back in, if I'm feeling nice.

I'll meet you there then, I've currently got our resident quack stuck to me like a splimpet.

*And it doesn't respond after that. When Jonny returns to his quarters, the Toy Soldier is there waiting, sitting politely on his bed. Its uniform looks like it was just straightened, and it looks as if it took extra care to neatly tuck its hair in its hat. It smells slightly more like tea than usual. It beams once Jonny walks in.*

Dear husband! There you are! Do you need some help with those?

*He gives in and lets it help, slinging the backpack off his back and setting it down. For a brief moment they are both just standing there. Then Jonny takes the last step forward and leans in to cup its face with both hands, touching their foreheads together. His right thumb strokes the painted wood of its cheek.*

I don't mind terribly if you get it dirty. I've missed you quite a lot, and I'd quite like it if you kissed me...

*Kissing lips made of wood is always going to be a slightly odd experience but Jonny clearly doesn't mind. He kisses the Toy Soldier eagerly, purposefully, almost smacking his nose in his haste. One of his hands drops from its face to the small of its back to tug it closer.*

*It openes its mouth to speak after Jonny does, getting interrupted by him kissing it again. It takes Jonny's hand, the one still on its face, and gently brings it down to cup it with both hands.*

"Nothing, just talking t'myself," *he lies.* "I should clean off before we get too comfortable, but first-"

*He gently dislodges his hand so he can bend down and pick up the discarded bag. There's excitement in his eyes as he opens it up and pulls out the contents. They are, in order:

An unfamiliar military uniform of deep scarlet and brilliant gold-*

"Took it off a general in some skirmish I passed, looked to be about your size. I thought it would fit your collection, if the fit is off I can adjust it."

*-a boxed set of hair pins and sticks, decorated with intricate pieces of sea glass carved into flowers and cats with multiple tails-*

"Since you've been wearing it longer recently, or 'least you were when I left and you are now. I tried describing an octokitten to them but I don't think they got what I meant."

*-and an elegant glass figurine of a bird, a canary maybe, flying joyously from its cage. This one Jonny looks almost wary to be touching as he holds it out.*

"Careful with this one, s'fragile, almost broke it while I was running from some assholes with a plasma cannon."

*It watches curiously as Jonny opens the bag.*

You brought things for me?

*It sounds surprised, happy*

*It grabs the uniform and starts inspecting it. The seams look to be of high quality, and it quite likes the shape and color of it. It runs a wooden thumb over one spot, it seems mended, from what the Toy Soldier can tell, the general previously wearing probably got slashed. It recognized the mending as Jonny's work.*

This looks quite dapper! You know my style well, I shall have to try it on later! Thank you!

*It seems to assume that would be all, but then Jonny pulls out the next thing. The Toy Soldier sets the uniform down so it can grab the box. It opens it carefully, running its fingers over the designs. It looks up at Jonny when he mentions describing an octokitten.*

Did you have these commissioned for me?

*Its voice shakes slightly, as if it were about to cry. It puts the box down for a moment to take off its hat. It starts twisting its long hair, wrapping it in a circle, pausing to pick one of the hair sticks, which it then secures it's hair with. It turns its head to let Jonny see. It feels a bit weird not wearing its hat, but it feels pretty.*

*When Jonny holds out the glass figurine, the Toy Soldier doesn't say a word. It simply grabs it with perhaps more care than it has grabbed anything in centuries, and stares in awe. It gently turns it around, bringing it close to its face to investigate all the detail. When Jonny finally looks at it, he sees its entirely blank expression, almost as if it's so caught up in admiring the figurine it forgot to emote.*

*Jonny gets a bit awkward when it asks if he commissioned the set, scratching at his jaw.*

"Yeah? They had good work on display but none of it fit right for you, so... y'know, got to get something you'll actually use..."

*He trails off as it starts twisting it's hair up. Is his heart ticking louder, or is that just him? He swallows.*

"Looks good on you."

*More than anything else, Jonny is tense as he watches it stare at the bird. That fucking bird. He'd had to get it the moment he saw it - something about the joy in the pose of the bird's wings, the exaltation of freedom from ownership entrapment. It was a bitch and a half to take care of. It nearly got broken half a dozen times getting it back to the stolen ship, not to mention all the times since. And now TS isn't saying anything. Its face is blank. Shit. Is that good or bad? He can't tell, and he really wants a cigarette, he should have had one before coming to his quarters-*

*His train of thought is interrupted by suddenly having arms full of Toy Soldier. He 'oof's, stumbling backwards and belatedly bringing his arms up around it. Ah.*

I love them, I love them a lot, thank you! The uniform fits my collection perfectly, the hair pins and sticks are really pretty and I'm excited to show them off, and the bird... Oh the bird is so stunning, I'll take the best care of it, I'll display it somewhere everyone can see, I'll dust it every day, thank you, thank you, thank you!

Air... Air is important...

*When its grip loosens he groans, forehead thunking onto its wooden shoulder. He hugs it back before it can pull away and laughs, winded.*

By jove are you okay?! I broke my husband... I've never broken the others before...

*It seems a bit relieved at Jonny hugging it back though, and veeery carfully pets the top of his head.*

I'm sorry! I got too excited!

Hell, don't you dare. He's already swindled me into a date tomorrow so he can take a look at them then. Tonight is just you and me.

*He reluctantly pulls back from the embrace, grimacing at the marks he's left on the Toy Soldier's once-pristine uniform.*

*The Toy Soldier notices the marks when Jonny grimaces. It gently scrubs at them, not seeming to mind terribly.*

Ahh, yes- getting cleaned up really does make you feel all jolly better, doesn't it?

*It says, then it thinks back to that night where Jonny had ended up polishing the Toy Soldier after an unfortunate event involving a sneaky anon with a marker.*

*Jonny agrees. He pauses at the offer and seems to genuinely consider it for a few moments before shaking his head.*

Oh of course, I don't mind at all! Take all the time you need, good chap!

*He tosses the towel into the corner, stretching his arms over his head with a couple of concerning pops, and there's something strangely human about the way his yawning mouth cracks into a grin when he meets the Toy Soldier's gaze. The exhaustion and adrenaline of a long vacation coupled with the relief of being back are softening the edges of his usual brashness. It's an odd look on him, but not a bad one. He tilts his head to the side and saunters over casually.*

*It can't help but smile as their eyes meet, covering its painted red cheeks with its hands.*

Right, that was it. *he agrees.* So if I just...

*He climbs onto the bed - scratch that, he keeps going. He all but climbs on top of the Toy Soldier, leaning his weight on one hand as he glances playfully from its face to its painted lips.*