"Oi! Sad sap! Would ya cheer up yer fuckin pathetic"

Gizm0 hangs lazily out of the ceiling

"A boring chapter in your sad life"

*He manages to catch it, barely, and drunkenly flips Gizm0 off. His dishevelled state says it all really.*

"Oh piss off, who says I'm upset? M'not upset. I can drink as much as I fuckin' like, whenever I like, whyever I like. Got an iron- iron liver. On account o' the iron heart bringin' it back when it fails."

( @jolly-good-fellow )

Right, well I know nobody on my actual crew wrote this one. None of those motherfuckers would know loyalty if it spat in their face.

Dear husband? Are you terribly busy? I seem to be having a small issue.

*Without waiting for an answer it lifts its hat to reveal. Unfortunately. A penis painted on its head.*

It's... Not coming off.

- @tally-fucking-ho

*Jonny just stares at this for a moment. Then he turns away, bringing a hand to his mouth, but not fast enough to stifle his snickering. Look. That's hilarious! That's fucking hilarious.*

I have yet to hear from him since he went off on vacation

I am leaving this letter in his inbox in a last hope that he shall see it when he returns, IF he returns, and maybe then he will respond to me

It has gotten quite lonely and I am afraid I am experiencing a most serious case of a broken heart. If only my dear husband were here, I could perhaps borrow his instead, seeing as it probably works better than mine. Seeing as I don't have one.

I must away myself now, perhaps to a closet or behind a vent, so that I may contemplate his disappearance in a silence that shall only be broken by my occasional sad, yearning sighs.

I love you Jonny, please return soon. I am bored. Sincerely, @tally-fucking-ho

*Jonny's having a great time scrolling through his asks, catching up on everything he's missed. This one catches him off guard.*

*He forwards it through to the Toy Soldier in their private message channel along with his reply.*

You really missed me this much? I mean hell, I would have thought the others would keep you company. You all knew I was coming back.

...Still missed you too, though. My sword's safe, took it with me. Had to gut a few guys to get it back at one point but theres not a scratch on it - might need to look into gettin' something less bulky as a momento, I want something to carry around.

After the gifts are done, come to my quarters, yeah? I'll make it up to you for staying away so long.

Love you.

"have fun!"

*Jonny is laid out on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He's clearly made some effort to clear up the results of his bender - the discarded bottles have been pushed into a miniature mountain against one wall, and his bedding has been stripped and set aside for cleaning too. Still, the whole room is heavy with the stale stench of the last couple of weeks, and its written over every inch of him. He is, blissfully, mournfully, alone.*

*And then the Toy Soldier is there.*

Welcome back chuckle fuck!

*He's distracted enough responding to messages that he doesn't react in time. It smacks into his head and he shouts.*

Look, alternate dimensions are weird. You see enough of them and you learn not to question the rules.

As for what's stopping me, I don't know, maybe the last remaining dregs of my sanity? It was already bad enough when they decided to do an uprising a few months back, they don't need encouragement.

...It would be pretty fucking funny to unleash them on the rest of the crew, though.