The Isle of Marm

Whatcha doin’, Coldstuff?

Birthday lunch.

Is it your birthday?

Nope.

…Do you often celebrate other people’s birthdays when they’re not around?

First (super)cut, index:

Alfalfa working pants,

Athletic pants,

Balloon pants,

Bell bottoms,

Bespoke pants,

Cargo (pants, shorts, skirts, see “Balloon”),

Cartoon pants,

Dazzle (, Razzle) camouflage pants,

Expensive pants,

Fat pants,

Hammer (Magic, M.C.,) pants,

Jodhpurs. (Jodhpurs?) Jodhpurs.

Jeans

Chuck Norris action,

baggy,

bleached,

cool dad,

girl,

pegged,

relaxed straight leg,

spiked,

super skinny,

70’s,

Tina Fey style mom,

Rappy pants,

Secondhand pants,

Stretch pants,

Suit pants,

Sweatpants,

Underpants,

Women’s pants,

(no pants)

I’d always sort of assumed on some level that I would have to Jenny Fields my way into motherhood; but it was not until that moment on the plane—as I flipped through the safety guide—that I had an epiphany, complete with proverbial lightbulb in the water and sky: I think it is somewhat likely that I will find my child while adrift at sea.

I’d think about naming him something found-water-baby appropriate; like Moses, though I would quickly enough run through name troubleshooting and assume that kids¹ will call him Grandma, and if he is not my biological offspring perhaps he will not naturally have thick skin; so either “Moses” and I would tease him from a very young age, or—more likely—would choose something like Marko Alexandrovich Ramius² (maybe just Alex). I assume I have a little time to figure it out.

But, in any case, I would surely encourage my ward from the sea to always be at home in the water, as I was and am always at home in the water and as it would surely be something that would come up in the future.

¹ Or terrible jokey parents the likes of which I would imagine I would immediately become upon taking on a human stewardship position.

I scalded the bejesus out of my index finger pulling a tea-kettle off the stove the other night and was thinking about the fact that it was among my top 4 fingers (inclusive of both hands and apropos of this song, which is on the arguably terribly short list of tracks on CDs that I purchased in the 90′s).

…Which was secondarily on mind because of a subway incident last week, which solidified my general Sally Draper stance on the city.

I realized just now that I have only really purchased music by dudes I’ve loved a little, whether it’s the new WSH album (which has been playing on a loop here), 3 of DL’s (timetravelling bedfellow!) albums, or I dunno, what other CDs do I own? You wanna call me out on the “Out to Sea” Soundtrack? It has Walter Matthau on the cover AND includes Lt. Commander Data singing on it: heck yes that was a weird affiliation driven purchase!