Steve aka Capsicle

Some people think that Steve and I argue too much. We like to call it challenging each other.

We do?

Sure, Cap might do things like jump out of planes without a parachute, but he really doesn't seem so tough after you've heard him whining about the heat not being turned up high enough.

It was warmer in the ocean

Barnes was staring at me today with such a murderous look, my testes retreated so far up, I'm pretty sure I could feel them by my tonsils.

Meanwhile, I was just zoned out trying to remember where I left my motorcycle last.

Clint just ran into the room holding his bow, announced, 'I don't want to alarm anyone!' and then ran off. You failed, Legolas. You failed.

He forgot his arrows...

Another year coming to a close, and another year Cap's the only holdout for us to release a swimsuit calendar. I swear, one year he'll give in.

...no.

Nothing summons Steve faster than saying Bucky Barnes is a war criminal. But it also summons his shield, so duck if you try it.

Trying to convince Pepper to go antiquing with me, and by antiquing, I mean having sex with Steve Rogers.

Was this something you ran by me?!

That's part of the antiquing process, Cap. As soon as I get the green light from Pep, get ready to be seduced.

Okay...well...good luck, I guess?

Trying to convince Pepper to go antiquing with me, and by antiquing, I mean having sex with Steve Rogers.

Was this something you ran by me?!

Given all the Captains on the team, I floated the idea of starting a website called Only Caps. Despite the huge money-making potential, the idea was not greeted very enthusiastically, I'm afraid.

...this has something to do with my shirts shrinking, doesn't it?

Everyone knows Barnes has resting bitch face, but did you know, Cap has resting dad face?

I accept that, but please stop referring to me as 'Daddy' in the mission reports.

I caught Cap running naked down the hall, using the shield to cover his junk. He now refuses to talk about it or even admit it happened in the first place. I KNOW I DIDN'T DREAM IT, STEVE!

Never happened.

Cap is always saying he's not built for this heat, and yet he refuses to wear the chainmail bikini uniform I designed for him.

It's crotchless!

I've always said that depression and PTSD are the key components in making a good superhero.

Are you calling me a good superhero?

Is he saying there are superheroes who DON'T have depression and PTSD?