Fuck Off Painful Thoughts

@cantstomach

A blog full of depressed shit. I just needed to vent. I'll be okay. Currently talking about #whyIdidn'treport, please share my post. September 2018.

51 posts

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korra-of-the-south

Hey, guess what?

All you fellow child abuse victims? You’re not gonna turn out like him, like her, like them. You know better. You’re better than them. You’ve suffered, but you’re stronger.

if you ever think to yourself ‘i dont want to turn out to be like them’- you’re not.

because you you know the difference. you wouldn’t ask yourself that if you didn’t

bucky-against-onision-deactivat

Unpopular opinion: You can be spoiled AND abused by your parents.

Destroy the thought process that you can’t be both.

I knew a kid. He was well-fed. He was allowed onto sports teams. He was encouraged to go to college, and his advanced classes were paid for. He had a nice phone, a nice computer, a nice desk, and access to video games. And he was abused. Spoiled sure, but abused.

I think sometimes abusers choose to cover it up by being “good” in the eyes of society. They act like they spoil the abused party, so that no one will believe any claims.

scarecrowandmrking

Just a reminder, regardless of what anyone tries to tell you, you are NEVER the bad guy for cutting an abuser out of your life. You are in no way obligated to care about that person, make time for them, care for them in their old age, get pulled into family drama that involves them, talk to them on the phone, etc. Your life is YOUR life. And you deserve to be treated with respect and not have anyone try to manipulate you into having your abuser back in your life.

thoughts-of-a-schizophrenic

Don’t dismiss someone’s Trauma and act like it isn’t a big deal when it is very much a big deal. Thanks.

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whywouldtheydothattome

I don’t know what’s worse. Finally realizing that you were abused and feeling helpless because you can’t change the past and you have to work to get better, or staying in the dark about the abuse and not understanding why you’re like this.

Or option 3: Opening up about the situation only to be told you should love them anyway

I love how abusive parents have so much fucking power they’re able to actually convince us all damage they did was completely unintentional. They just somehow, unintentionally, managed to cause severe PTSD and trauma to their kid, yeah, while totally meaning well, they just didn’t, uh, realize they were using methods of extreme torture, brainwashing and psychological abuse to control and punish their child. That’s totally a thing that happens.

@furiousgoldfish

my-intrusive-thoughts101

Me: wow, my childhood has been a horrible experience! Such a bad experience that it gave me ptsd! And more! I hope i become an adult real soon and i am able to make my own decisions.

Adult: haha, enjoy your youth its a beautiful thing full of wonder! Being a adult is a horrible thing!

Me: but my childhood is awful-

Adult: HHAHA NOTHING GOOD ABOUT GROWING UP, REMEBER TO LOVE AND RESPECT YOUR FAMILY

Me: but they’re terrible-

Adult: your mother and father are wonderful people and they love you!

Me: my father used to hit me-

Adult: what a GREAT MAN

Where’s the lie

It took such a long time, personally, for me to be able to look at my abuser and be like “You know what you’re doing to me, you’ve always known, I’ve given you years of chances (far too many). I don’t owe you a single part of my life anymore.”

#abuse #standing up

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furiousgoldfish

Abusive parents are so good at convincing us they’re such deep, complex people, there’s so much to their every action, we have to consider every single angle, how hard they’re having it in every second of their life, every single thing that could possibly bother them and prevent them from being best versions of themselves. We believe they hold in so much regret and guilt for every bad thing they’ve done we don’t even dare to talk about it lest we trigger their bad feelings, we believe they must always have such deep and wonderful intentions behind their every action, their every move can be explained away in deep complexity that makes them so sincerely misunderstood and if looked deep inside we would find a real heart and real soul, who is only waiting for the right time and place to show us their true feelings.

In reality……. all of this is complete bullshit. They’re not complex. They’re as basic as they come. Two people who didn’t get everything they wanted in life and now they jumped at the chance to torture someone who is many times better than they are. People with no fucking morals or compassion who enjoy making excuses for themselves and pretending to be better than anyone else while using a child’s life as a stepping stone. Close minded morons who think destroying happiness in child’s life is completely fine and praisable thing to do. Idiots who don’t fucking realize a child is more valuable than their shitty wants. Absolute shitbags who resort to abuse and violence to get their way. Cruel sadists who would brainwash a child to think of excuses for their torturers, and to blame themselves for every harm done. Incredible weaklings who would force a child they’ve hurt tiptoe around their feelings. Most weak pathetic individuals existing. There’s nothing to them that would redeem them as human being they’re absolute garbage. Iredeemable baffoons.

If they manage to convince you for a second there’s anything deep or regretful about them, you’re not thinking of how they feel, you’re thinking of how you would feel in that situation, how you would feel if you ever hurt a child that badly. That remorse and regret you think they feel is a projection. That’s how horrible you would feel. That’s why you don’t do that to children, because it would feel horrible for you. You especially don’t do it over and over again. Why do you think they can do it, over and over again? Because there’s no regret, no remorse, no compassion. They’re just an empty shell filled with evil. You were the only humane person there all along.

I really fucking needed this.

I think a lot of times (at least in my case) it’s perfect fuel for abuse apologists to run with. “Oh they love you so much, it’s just their trauma caused this and this and this” “Their mental illnesses are very complicated, complex things that we have to learn to deal with” uhhhhh biiiiitch I have mental illnesses too! Because of them! And I don’t abuse people.

I also like your point that abusers are selfish, constantly jumping at someone else just because they themselves didn’t get one thing. They hurt everyone around them BECAUSE THEY WANT TO. It’s not an accident, it’s not some weird coping mechanism for their tragic illnesses. It’s 100% on purpose.

Excellent post OP, thank you <3

*listens to upbeat music while thinking about my childhood trauma*

traumaeyed-deactivated20210519

Abusive parents

Will see you as an extension of themselves and never as a separate individual

Will blame you for their shortcomings

Expect you to parent them while you raise yourself

Refuse to listen, they will undermine you

Have unrealistic expectations then punish you for being unable to meet them

Put themselves first

Tell you you’re “crazy” and make you think you’re the problem

Will compare you to an infamous member of the family or compare you to another abusive parent

Will obsess over you or, alternatively, will want nothing to do with you

Will cross every physical and emotional boundary you have

Say they own you

Will claim anything you make or build for yourself is theirs too

Will manipulate you to think the way they treat you is normal

Deny any mental illnesses you have, even if you’ve been professionally diagnosed

Will turn family members against you

Will hurt your pets

Ask to borrow money from you then refuse to repay you

Will not allow you to attend therapy or they will lie about you to your therapist

Refuse to apologize if you’ve confronted them about something they’ve done that’s hurt you

Think they can buy things for you and everything will be okay

Will make you feel bad for having basic needs

It’s not in your head.

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Repeat after me: Abuse is abuse.

Let’s talk about it.

I reported it the first time. Didn’t get much out of that. The person who did it to me did go to jail. They got out very early. I learned that people who had ruined my life, who had hurt my body, could still be good enough for the people who ran the law. He hurt me and he got away with it, as far as I was concerned.

When I was with a girl, I didn’t tell anyone when she was abusing me. I didn’t open up about it to people, even after she turned me into a pariah. I simply told them the tail end, and no one believed me because she had already woven a story.

When I reached college and experienced physical domestic abuse with a guy who wanted to date another girl, who wasn’t even with me, who I’d never even kissed. It took me months to work up the courage to report it to the police. I had screenshots, pictures of my bruises, and the names of others who witnessed the events. His friends sided with him. The police said I should just avoid him, the college banned us from each others’ dorms, meaning I was stuck in mine...with all of his angry friends whose names I had listed as being witnesses.

So when I experienced domestic abuse with a boy who told me he loved me, including bruised eyes and broken bones, I didn’t bother to report it to anyone. I didn’t bother to leave.

When I was fucking a guy and he didn’t stop when I said to, I blamed us both. I blamed me too. He said he didn’t hear me, so I believed him, and I shoved it down when it happened again and he told me to just shut up, that it never happened.

When a guy expected me to fuck him in order to have a place to live, I did it. When he broke his side of the agreement, I knew no one would care, so I kept doing it.

When a girl preyed on me and expected me to fuck her. When she said she’d kill herself, when she asked me to look at her ass and when she came in the room and laid down I didn’t tell anyone except my boyfriend. When she tried to butt in on my boyfriend and I’s relationship, I expressed discomfort but I didn’t stop her. I knew no one would stand up for me, and when she assaulted me no one did. I didn’t let her touch him.

At least I didn’t let her touch him.

That one who hurt me when I was a kid. He hurt more. They let him out. And he hurt more.

#whyIdidn’treport

#whyididn'treport #why i didn't report #survivor #please read this

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