kate

Waves form and crash as I keep moving on my line

Things come to me because of something called

Gravity, I am so pulled to you

Im not big enough to be the world

Just captivating enough to bring light to dark nights

I’m the nocturnal sunshine

You won’t call me nessacary

I have been here so long

Experienced so many tragic love songs

Have I not expressed my loyalty?

I love you.

Look at all I do

Look at all I do

Look at all I do

For you.

Is my opposite too kind?

Does she give you life?

If you get too close she burns you

Mankind has landed on the moon.

Our stark differences are apparent in touch

Maybe they provide a reason as to why you like her so much

I just don’t want to be stuck here in orbit

Looming around like an idiot.

Burn your eyes with the light

the night there forward gleams for you

There forward, I am making room for dreams

In some sick hope your fantasy will be of me.

Can I run?

There are too many options in space

Meteoroids form your face

im a horse being put on display

running laps around a stable

eating from the hand that owns me

I don't control myself

I gallop around the same path I always have

the grass is less green on each side

as long as I live I run

I run and run through this path

mud accumulating on my hooves

the run makes me beautiful

muscles large and stomach flat

more appealing to look at

much less of a animal , im

monetized as a person from time to time

my heart beats so fast I can feel it exploding

when the moon is out I sleep standing

I should never let my guard down

I take and take from empty men

dish out what I have left

a trick or two, a ride if im up to it

im not most of the time

I feel broken in

the people who walk me

tell me this is what im meant to be

I never wished for this

I feel diseased

my mind is a cycle of whips and treats

but this is how im meant to be

yet I let numbers that could mean nothing blur my vision

if I stand up too quickly or fast for too long numbers go down and more dots appear through my eyes

through my eyes its beautiful, finally running my hands over bones I don't know the names of

watching soap fall off my malleable body like heroin addict watching the needle go in their vein

shoving food in then out of my body like a mother chick feeding her children

when I finally do eat I hoard my food like im a goddamn animal

truthfully those numbers dictate how I feel

the high

the high

the high

of when they go down

an inch or two off my waist

the low

the low

the low

of going above my limit ive unintentionally set for myself

because if im not losing weight im gaining it

and I can't have that

the comfort of the cold that can be settled by worry

my mother saying im too skinny

almost fainting in my room

is what I have always known

im so scared to recover I don't have a metaphor for it

im so scared to gain weight I obsess over my body and lifestyle

im so scared I have been missing out

im so scared of recovering and realizing what ive been missing

because I could have been writing or baking or learning or loving every part of me even when im not malnourished

and I stayed in bed, comparing myself to people I think like but would never admit to

Talk to you till three a.m., bc I know you need to speak

I know my efforts don’t go unnoticed

You open up, that’s my reward

Sarahs words flow and cause laughter

im awkward every time I chatter

Sarah and I are effortless

Sarahs blonde hair in the wind tangled without sin

my grades that drop below zero

Sarah and I are happy

Sarahs friends crush mom rich grandmas

my occasional high with bad guys

Sarah and I are the same

our life replenishes with late nights

whether to study or to cry

are our ears listening to the same melody? the lyrics that reveal so much sincerity would you think about a deeper meaning and brag? be totally wrong - yet so confident you speak of god and explanations to things you don't know

the moon glows the same way words did in the dark so many crevices so much light - with half of you shunned hidden you hide so much behind personas you create you know what you want what you need who you are its too disgusting for the church's eyes so you showed mine

11:11 the train reminds me - a blare signifying an alarm time to tell you how much you are - not anymore I miss hearing it thinking its endearing childlike dreams for you separated the truth I had attention blinding me, too many people in the way to see what we really were.

its nice to know fantasying is an option

because I know ill never get the real thing

my dreams fall short, I try to sort

through my failures and my hopes

they aren't different, not really

the farthest I can see is me

or 20 years from now

sad because I didn't do all I could

cause I was too scared id get rejected

and I can't begin to say

a single word or phrase

straight to your face

transfixed by the idea

that you think im pretty

or perhaps I look too gritty

when our eyes meet

on the rare occasion we speak

its not long or sweet

but it makes me think

about how we could be

your older and talented

that much I know

should I fess up and speak