World's First Ethical Uika Kinnie

I Was a Terrifyingly Powerful Necromancer King Who Got Killed by the Upstart Hero but Luckily I Had Homunculus Clone Jars Set Up To Provide Vessels for My Resurrection (Yay) Except it Turns Out That All My Clone Jars Got Destroyed in the Siege of My Dark Castle (Oh No) but Thankfully One of My Undead Thralls Managed to Escape with a Vial of My Blood to Create a New Clone Jar so I Could be Revived Except for Some Reason it Also Set Things Up so My New Body was Estrogenized (Huh) Because My Undead Thrall Likes Being Verbally Abused by Beautiful Women Which I Guess Includes Me Now

And Also I'm Out for Revenge or Something I Forget

yes and i love you

running very fastnow

the character of pjackk is really akin to a modern stock figure such as in the commedia dell'arte tradition

I’m sometimes overcome with rage at just how much everyone hates disabled people. like you would all gleefully call the people I love most in the world lazy disgusting r-words

clicking a video and realizing the youtuber is transfem has got to be one of the best feelings on earth

"fuck marry kill" is a stupid game. First of all, marriage is evil. Secondly, everyone must die.

i get a $250 million production budget to adapt beowulf into a summer blockbuster and at the end beowulf is contemplating his reign as king in his old age and the passing of time and we hear some kids say something he doesn't quite understand and he says stoically "it's as if the English i speak is becoming old..."

me þincþ hit þæt nu weorþ þis englisc eald

The core conceit of Lord of the Rings is pretty funny. You are a twenty three year old in a suburb of Maine. The little bracelet in your grandpa’s attic has an inscription on it that is the password to the world’s entire nuclear arsenal. It is up to you to walk to the only hydraulic press in the world, located in Arizona, before the FBI finds the bracelet, kills you, and enslaves the suburb of Maine you currently live in

Also the 90-year old hobo that your grandpa beat in a rap battle for possession of the bracelet while hiding from the Romanian secret police really loved the bracelet because it was coated in small amounts of LSD and tried to hunt and kill your grandpa to get it back. He was then apprehended by the FBI and instantly gave them your grandpa’s address. Seal Team Six is about to break down your door and shoot you, says your local congressman who can also do cool magic tricks

There's a guy in NY who MIGHT be capable of destroying the codes but won't coz he simply wants to spend time with his wife. So it's up to your grandpa's old friend in rural Ohio to get you the friends capable of finishing the task.

And we must not, at any point, remember the existence of aircraft and ask aloud why we can't just fly to Arizona

We can't use aircraft because the fbi has access to all the flight data how many times do we need to go over this

i thought Hiatt sounded familiar to me for some reason. it's because this is also the same company that made shackles that the US used to torture people in Guantánamo and Bagram Airfield during/after the occupation.