Submissives crave structure. If you create a world where the decisions are made, expectations are clear, and she knows what to expect, your submissive will do everything in her power to please you. The thing is that youβll hear a lot about structure and consistency, itβs eluded to all the time, but youβll rarely hear people talk about what that it looks like.
Structure is more than a set of rules, though rules are a great start. If itβs structure youβre after consistent behaviors are the building blocks. Structure is built by the Dominant, and maintained on both sides. For submissives thereβs freedom in knowing what to expect. It may seem boring to most people, but I love knowing that my days will start and end in exactly the same way, and I think most submissives would agree. So itβs down to the nitty grittyβ¦ taking a look at what structure looks like.
Disclaimer: Β Itβs not the same for everyone, and thatβs okay. Relationships are different, and these examples are to give an idea to those who are struggling. They are not meant to be the be-all-end-all, that defines structure. Also I use feminine pronouns for subs and male for Doms, not because Iβm silly enough to believe thatβs the only way it goes, but because thatβs the sort of relationship I personally am in.
Does she wake up knowing the first thing to do? Is there a message on her phone from you? Is she supposed to let you know that sheβs awake? Should she start the coffee while youβre in the shower?
When she goes to get dressed is there a reminder of you? Do you pick out her panties each day? Does she send you a picture for approval? Are skirts expected on certain days?
Sheβll be late home tonight. Does she call and let you know? Leave you a text message? Is the note scribbled on the calendar enough?
She wants to make a purchase but she canβt get in touch with you. Does she make it anyway and tell you after? Can she decide to spend, but only up to a certain limit? Does she wait unless itβs an emergency, even if sheβll miss the sale?
She knows you like her legs shaved and smooth. Keeping them smooth is a rule. Does she shave every day? Every other day? How about when she has her period?
So these might still seem like just rules to you, but how about thisβ¦
Is it safe for her to come to you when sheβs disobeyed. Sure, she should expect punishment, but does she know that your reaction, and her punishment will be rational and equitable?
Does she know that you will call if youβll be late?
Is she sure sheβs doing well because you tell her consistently? Or show her with your affection? (Structure is about eliminating doubt too)
Do you hold her when youβre falling asleep? Do you realize that when you donβt she might worry sheβs done something wrong?
If she journals for you, does she know that youβll read it within a certain time-frame? Do you let her know when you have?
Does she know when to worry that you havenβt contacted her? Does she know youβd never miss a goodnight message unless something is wrong? Or does she assume youβve fallen asleep or not charged your phone and give you time? How long? 12 hours? 24?
When these questions have answers itβs a sign that a submissive has structure. She knows what to expect, and she knows what is expected. A lot of it is about having rules, and what @instructor144 calls βdefaultsβ (Knowing what to do when youβre not there to ask. ex: If she sends you a picture of her outfit for approval and you donβt respond within 20 minutes, then the outfit is automatically approved).
Some of it is about being predictable as a Dominant. Predictably strict. Predictably observant. Predictably fair. Predictably affectionate. All these things stacked one on the other create the structure that makes a submissive feel safe, loved, and cared for.
vaporwave
yousharknotpass
jacobvanloon
