“Don’t Feel Stupid, Ever”, or “Why I Think Intelligence Isn’t Real”
This is going to sound like a real jerk thing to say, but I kind of hate it when people call me intelligent. The reason why might be a little convoluted, but as a summary or thesis, I sort of believe what people believe to be intelligent is all a bunch of parlor trick traits that have nothing to do with being smart, are based totally off of a social construct, and sort of undercut actual struggles that some people might have in other situations.
I was kind of a suck-up and a teacher’s pet when I was a kid. I had undiagnosed inattentive ADHD, which really manifested in me not picking up on social cues well. Often times I couldn’t get along with kids my age, so I molded and masked my way into a type of person I thought could get approval from adults, especially when I didn’t have much of it at home. Because of this, in some situations people will perceive me as smart, but in other situations people were perceive me as airheaded, awkward, and really stupid. Here is an example:
Reasons people think (and thought) I was intelligent:
-I wanted approval so bad I worked hard at having the best school grades, even if it meant sacrificing hours of my free creative time.
-I did not engage in outward “normal” adolescent expressions of individuality, like trying out alternative fashions or displaying my interests. I did everything I could to look as normal as possible when I was young. I was also very quiet and respectful.
-I have an incredibly expanded vocabulary from hours of being alone reading books and watching documentaries. I am good at public speaking and writing essays because of this. (However, I also talk how I write, so sometimes I get made fun of for it, by other adults now).
-I don’t typically swear, and say please and thank you.
Now here’s the reasons people think I’m stupid (and why they are extra harsh on me when I don’t live up to their first impressions of me)
-I am conversationally impulsive, and say and do weird things because I don’t pay attention enough to nuances or cues, or I get nervous.
-My memory glitches out a lot.
-Left and right, size scales, and time means nothing to me. Told my brother I was taking 500 mg of Zinc with confidence. I was taking 50.
-I keep asking for clarification for directions on things because I’m afraid of getting it wrong and having people be mad at me.
-I take forever to finish basic tasks, because of memory, attention, and perfectionism.
-I make really glaring obvious mistakes.
-I trip on stuff, drop things, and I have punched myself in the face on multiple occasions accidentally.
-I will make the same mistakes in something that requires fine motor control over and over. I once spent an hour on crash bandicoot because I could not make one (1) jump that required a bit of cognitive timing.
-I can’t do basic math. I once gave a previous high school teacher I knew the wrong change, and she made fun of me and said I needed to go back and learn that in school. I had just graduated with my first 2 year college degree when she told me that.
-Directions who? I will often point the opposite cardinal direction of where I need to go and get made fun of.
-I’m inexperienced in a lot of basic things in life. This gets me bullied by both coworkers and family (who probably should have been helping me out, but whatever).
All of this stuff together leads me to believe that looking “Intelligent” is just a bunch of social tricks based on preconceived notions. I’ve met tons of people with real world knowledge who would easily beat me in my own fields of study or literally anything else. But just because I act a certain way and talk a certain way, people seem to think I should know how to do everything, but I barely hold myself together on a good day. I have trouble with reviews in almost any job I have because although I pass the preliminary interviews well, the rest of my coworkers see me as a bumbling idiot once they get to know me. So just some random person saying I’m intelligent as one word doesn’t help me. Just like any person I am nuanced, I am good at some things and have a really hard time with others. I did really well academically, but in the work and social world I am screwed.
So btw, don’t feel stupid. Other people might tell you that but if they think I’m smart than they’re easily fooled.