cancercadaver

honestly, if ravi hadnt come out with buck and eddie, i think anyone buck tried to go over to and talk to would immediately start with a 'hey, you and that guy seem like a perfectly nice couple, but im not looking to be a third tonight'. theyd IMMEDIATELY assume that buck and eddie were a couple based on their... EVERYTHING, and would get denied because nobody wants to be a third to whatever those two guys have got going on.

the fact that, in 9x07, eddie seemed SO preoccupied with bucks romantic life ("neither have you", "youre single too, buck", "wait, which one") could serve both as a deflection so that he doesnt have to worry about his own romantic life and can settle under the guise of being more intrigued by bucks, but its also interesting to consider the possibility that hes pushing buck to get into a relationship because he can FEEL the realization of his sexuality on the precipice, but he isnt quite ready to acknowledge it. so, he figures that if he pushes buck to get into a relationship, he can stall his feelings from reaching him and keep denying what he knows deep down to be true. because, if buck was taken, then his feelings wouldnt need to be acknowledged, because there would be nothing he could do with them.

something so special to me about ravi panikkar is that he is a character who is a childhood cancer survivor without that being his entire character. he is allowed to be a person outside of that diagnosis. it is so rare in media that i see characters such as myself who have survived battles with cancer who don't get that aspect of their person forced into being their main personality trait. and while, yes, it IS still a thing that happened to ravi, and not just some random detail that the writers forgot about, its not his main personality trait. sure, it impacted him, as all traumas do, but hes still a fully formed character outside of it. i do, however, want to get a little more backstory on his struggles and a more in depth look at his childhood. not in the 'its not talked about enough' way, because i think its talked about an entirely appropriate amount, especially considering the fact it was a CHILDHOOD diagnosis and he is now most likely in remission, but in more of a 'potential interesting storyline and character trait to dissect' sort of way.

i dont even care how unlikely it is i need paul strickland to come back to 9-1-1. bring him to the 118. i need him here. i think he could fit into the cast very well.

theres something so special about the fact that the first time we see eddie dance once he gets back from el paso is in bucks house, with christopher, with a fellow queer member of the 118, bathed in sunlight and just ENJOYING it. the pure joy from the entire scene is just so pure and potent that its undeniable that eddie has FOUND his true home, a place where he feels safe and free to feel joy. and its with buck.

eddie growing up and having all of these expectations of him. ballroom dancer, man of the house, etc. there was always SOMETHING he had to be doing in order to impress others, otherwise he just wasnt good enough. meanwhile buck had to fight for every scrap of attention he got, often having to hurt himself in order to get it. buck HAD no expectations of him, his parents barely cared about him, so he had to find something himself to excel in in order to impress. these two things both leading to eddie finding a home with the 118, and furthermore, with BUCK, where he doesnt have to be perfect and doesnt always have to impress others, and buck finding a home where he CAN excel and he CAN receive attention for doing things well and not just for screwing up. and buck and eddie being able to give eachother the attention they were never able to get in childhood, with buck allowing eddie a safe place to expose his flaws, and eddie allowing buck a safe place to feel like he matters and that he IS talented.

thinking about the fact that buck was probably considered a pretty strange kid at school and probably had little/no friends growing up. like this might be obvious and im stupid for not realizing it sooner but. buck was the kid who would always be jumping off of anything and everything he could find. when kids would tell him not to do something because it was dangerous, he would ignore them and do it anyways because so what if it was dangerous? he had been raised and conditioned in such a way that he saw danger as one of the only ways to receive his parents love. he was the kid who was getting sent to the nurses office every day for getting a bloody nose running into a wall or scraping his knee jumping off of playground equipment. all the other kids probably saw buck as some obnoxious brat who would do anything for attention, even if it meant hurting himself. or, worse, they saw him as entertaining, and would cheer for him and dare him to do more and more ridiculous stunts because they wanted to see how far they could push the poor kid before he broke. this could also connect back to buck not really understanding how friendship really works in adulthood and thinks that putting yourself at risk of serious bodily harm is normal, even expected of friends, because if hurting himself was worth it purely for entertainments sake, then surely it would be worth it for his other friends, right?

you think ted is ever talking to his coworkers and goes "hey does the homeless guy ever whisper weirdly specific advice that is applicable to your life to you or is that just a me thing"

local ted spankoffski lover watches time bastard for the first time and loses will to live

i just watched spies are forever does anyone know how to undo the incomprehensible damage that this has done to me

im sorry but th*mas would definitely be one of those dudes who says hes 'not political'

they all lie. the real hardest part about writing a fanfiction is finding the best lyric to be the title.

buddie is making me even more autistic because i heard the term sublet today and all i could say is 911 reference.