I want to regress all the way to babyspace.
$LAYYYTER

titsay

if i look back, i am lost
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
noise dept.

@theartofmadeline
One Nice Bug Per Day
wallacepolsom

Kiana Khansmith

β
Sweet Seals For You, Always
hello vonnie
styofa doing anything
Game of Thrones Daily
will byers stan first human second

h
almost home
Sade Olutola
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@cammie-chat
I want to regress all the way to babyspace.

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My stomach is a little oogly, and I have to deep-clean my entire bedroom today. But I'm awake, and I'm here, and everything is going to be okay. I have Dunkin coming, and I'll get going nice and easy.
Lol now Iβm nauseous for no reason, I swear to god my body has begun crumbling at every seam the second I donβt have health insurance just to be a bitch!
Thank GOD Tuesday is my easy day. Just my one class and then I get to go home and, unlike last week, go to bed at a more reasonable hour.
I want to curl up in the tiniest ball under the softest blankets that never feel too hot and be held by people who love me and are proud of me and tell me that over and over and over, my god is that too much to ask?!
I'm so glad I only have my night class tonight because I just want to hide in my apartment as much as possible. I kind of want to light an autumnal candle to celebrate the fall, but can I even smell it right now? And I'm so anxious over fucking NOTHING. Girl relax.

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This cold has the longest fucking tail. I am so sick of being sick, my ears are so fucking clogged, and I generally feel like roadkill. Even now, all I want is to go back to bed.
Okay I'm actually really glad I went to brunch after all. It was fun and nutritious and full of protein and not alcohol, and I got Sarah's Teacher Perspective on what's been going on in class and then spent a lot of time listening to her and Shay talk about the Enders' series, which I've never read but is holy shit bugnuts and made for a terrific TED talk. I'm definitely still sick, but given that? My energy levels are actually solid. And now I'm home, with all my windows open for fresh air, in my comfiest clothes that don't feel like pure pajamas. I am freshly showered and birds are chirping and I'm just glad to be alive and getting a second chance and I should go watch Something Wild now because that's the other homework I planned to do today.
My nose is still nastily backed up (like, I'm snorting like a pig to clear it), I'm coughing, drainage has begun into one of my ears so it constantly hurts and my hearing and balance are altered, AND I have a pimple right underneath my lip so huge and face-sucking that my phone's facial recognition software did not recognize me. FUCK this body, please someone issue me at least a temporary new one. At least I'm not hungover anymore. I learned a valuable lesson Saturday night about the alcohol strength of soju.
I told Shay and Sarah I'd go to brunch with them in a little bit and I'm deeply regretting that right now. At least I have coffee on the way (yes, I sprang for a latte, I'm sick and I can't deny myself anything when I'm sick). In the meantime, I'm gonna do my TV Producing reading until I have to go.
8/28/25
Ohhhh brother, I am not having a good night. Really struggled through Business of Entertainment. I've heard that class raved about, as well as the professor, but right now it's just a little too dry and he's just a little too negative. I'm absolutely willing to re-evaluate next week, though, because I was in actual fucking agony from my stupid illness. We had a cookie cake for Mallory's birthday, and I gave her feedback on her script, and she hugged me, and apparently I do not even give a fuck at all. I blame my illness and exhaustion.
And then, to top it all off, there was some drama at the parking garage and I was stuck in there forEVER. I live 10 minutes away from campus, when there's no traffic at night. It took me over an hour to get home.
And now apparently I might have given Ellie sinusitis, and I feel just awful. I don't feel good about myself at all. I don't believe a single soul in this program likes me, or respects me, or thinks I'm talented. I just wanna drink my last two juneshines and crawl into bed.
8/28/25
Ohhhh, man, am I sick. Sick, sick, sick. I am so congested and uncontrollably runny and my sinuses are so congested that my whole face feels itchy and painful and swollen, and I have such bad brain fog that it feels like I'm even congested in my mind, too. Welcome back to school, here's a bitch of a cold. Fuck, I feel terrible.
So, suppose I should mention, I'm back in my hometown. Getting my masters' at the college. Living in the upstairs apartment, but I don't even need to-- my mom got a position on a board in Palo Alto, so they're off to California for two years. We swapped. Not that I was chomping at the bit to live with my parents again, but it feels weird and wrong without them. They're not running the farm anymore, and I'm not used to all that empty, quiet land. It really drives home how alone I am out here. So lonely my bones feel cold. But I suppose that's the price you pay for being a failure.
Gotta chin up. It's not all bad. The classes I'm taking are actually wicked useful (wicked, ha. Welcome back to New England, I guess) and the other students in my program are surprisingly cool, even if we're not all best friends yet. This will give my career, my life, the juice it needs. Even if getting home at 10pm four nights a week makes me feel like a character in an H.P. Lovecraft story.
Blah, feeling so ill is not helping my mood. I'm gonna go to the bathroom and drip some more.

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