lover.writer.woman

A couple of weeks ago, I posted about the end of a 2.5 year relationship. We decided to continue trying, because we still have so much to offer each other. He’s still the person I want to talk to before I go to bed and I’m still the person he wants to share everything with. So we’re seeing what works.

But a part of that is giving each other more time to just be. Right? So that looks like me not dropping by there every day after work (cause it’s literally on my path home and it felt easier) and him not expecting me to hang out every Sunday when I really need to be meal prepping and self caring and etc.

In any case, I’m really thinking about how my more intentional we can be in our time together and in our time apart.

I’m enjoying time to exist on my own and time to hang out with him with a purpose.

I don’t know. I’m not a good relationship person. I do not have good models cause as much as I love my aunts/uncles and my stepdad, I didn’t see anything but chaos. And I engage in that too often.

But we’re learning and figuring it out. And maybe it won’t work, at the end. And I’d be sad as fuck. But I do appreciate being with someone who is so okay with us navigating and learning and figuring it out.

Love him.

Love me.

Like, I know that if I can survive her death, I can survive his absence from my life.

He’s doing his annual Grand Canyon Star Party thing, with his “Space Cowboy” shtick cause he’s a dork from Oklahoma. I was able to go the last two years but work called this year.

Besides, it was literally packing up to leave the Canyon last year that I found out my mama died. So I can’t be sure I would have gone back this year anyway.

But, this is just me, a little high, missing my boyfriend.

Plus, this is literally what the sky looks like out there and it’s so incredible.