lover.writer.woman

He’s doing his annual Grand Canyon Star Party thing, with his “Space Cowboy” shtick cause he’s a dork from Oklahoma. I was able to go the last two years but work called this year.

Besides, it was literally packing up to leave the Canyon last year that I found out my mama died. So I can’t be sure I would have gone back this year anyway.

But, this is just me, a little high, missing my boyfriend.

Plus, this is literally what the sky looks like out there and it’s so incredible.

It’s my late day at work; I don’t go in until noon. And so it should feel better, getting to wake up slow and start my Monday not rushing to be at work. It used to feel that way.

But I am finding that I struggle with it now. I wake up and I feel so melancholy and getting to work on time feels impossible even though that’s not true for the rest of the week- when my report time is 8 a.m. Like, I just told my supervisor I’m taking a couple personal hours so that I can go in later.

But as I’m sitting here, near tears like I have been lately on Monday mornings, feeling overtired and overwhelmed, I think it’s just grief.

I think it’s the realization that another week is starting and that’s just another week without my mama.

And Mother’s Day is nigh and I’m thinking about her all the time still.

And yeah -