i was unemployed still, so the instant i woke up id be drenched, and look at my phone. scrolling through my same files for a few hours, edging once to every single file.
once i was starting to go a little nuts, i'd turn off all the lights, and have at least two screens playing loud porn in my headphones, where i had about four videos playing at once, on repeat.
then id lean really close to the screen while salivating, and id snort like a pig over and over.
at this point id start laughing manically because my dopamine was into overdrive. so id turn on the vibrator on max power, while deepthroating my dildo, never looking away from the screens.
ive ignored important phone calls or work applications or even friends having an emergency in favor of porn. id turn my phone on silent and my eyes would roll back, knowing id abandoned them for porn.
id fuck myself for hours in a row, no food, no water, no hygiene, no lights, just screens and toilet paper and lube.
i feel pleasure so intensely that i often start sobbing and my eyes roll fully back as i squirt to porn over and over and over, never removing the vibrator until id force out another orgasm and my whole body would start shaking.
at this point i would have had maybe 10-15 violent orgasms, each more intense than the last.
my brain was so astronomically high that id stop functioning for up to a minute with an orgasm and with the most violent misogynistic white supremacist porn on screen. or seeing men fuck fleshlights and shit their intestines out.
sometimes i'd write insults on myself with a marker all over my body and look as ugly as possible on purpose, seeing my own reflection in the screens, snorting like a pig with her eyes rolled white.
by that point it's evening and i have to tidy the house and do my chores before my husband gets home. id edge more, then get to work.
id keep the vibrator in my underwear while cleaning/cooking etc, and if i had to go out id have hour long audios downloaded of women getting fucked until they pass out, or the wet sounds of a cock slowly fucking a sloppy fleshlight in and out, and id play them loudly in my headphones while in public and talking to people. they had no idea.
i was incapable of seeing them as humans and id edge in bathrooms.
when my husband would get home, id jump on him like a dog, and slide his belt off.
"aww, my little nympho sounds desperate huh? how can i say no to a cute little face like that?"
and he'd pound me into OBLIVION unprotected, sometimes looking at his own porn. id piss on his Fat White Cock and sob as he strangled me in a chokehold.
"i think you've cum plenty enough, squeeze tighter on this fat dick, beg me not to let you cum, worthless garbage.
it's high time you listened to me, kid. you're spending more time on porn than me. and i... will not allow that. is that fucking clear?
this keeps up and your dopamine receptors are as good as fucking annihilated."
id cuddle with him and we'd talk and id worship him and then giggle looking at my phone
17 hour porn screen time, just like always.
"you've got to stop this."
dad implemented i had to ask him for permission for every orgasm, have full access to my accounts, i was to edge my brains out but never cum, and he'd limited how many hours a day i could spend on porn.
this originally led to me having a meltdown so he had to ease the conditions.
slowly i spent less time on it, even if just a little, and now we are introducing my oath to complete chastity, where only he has the key.
im ready to pledge my loyalty to holy denial and worship my husband even more than i already do.
don't fall for the porn trap. it's designed to break you. your soul will sink deeper and deeper into something you might not be able to come back from.
its a real addiction with real withdrawal and potentially more powerful than heroin.
some porn is fine, but serving the patriarchy means exclusively thinking of your husband and owner's needs and demands.
a woman worth anything at all would focus EXCLUSIVELY on a man, and that alone.
her pleasure does not matter if not to train her.
and i will heal from all my female afflictions and addictions to better serve the patriarchy.
i will become the best wife my husband could ever hope to have, forevermore.
thank you for denying me. thank you for guiding me.
i thank porn for its immense pleasure, but i will soon leave it behind.
