Keep Calm and Push Arrows

Team Mom taking her time figuring out how Aussie tech works. 

One of Helen’s henchmen (or Axton) sits them down in from of the tf2niverse’s equivalent of Google and explains how a search engine works. 

I’m just imagining Helen’s lapdogs, the best of the best, as lost as old people trying to figure stuff out... not knowing how to right-click or turn the volume down on a computer...R and K finding Wolfram Alpha and never needing their slide rules again...the wonders of google translate...Ax trying to explain a meme or Snapchat filters...the possibilities are endless

RABKA

BAKE A CAKE FROM SCRATCH | RIDE A HORSE | DRIVE A SUBMARINE | SPEAK A SECOND LANGUAGE | DANCE | CATCH A FISH | PLAY AN INSTRUMENT (saxophone and voice) | THROW A PUNCH | BUILD A DECK | ICE SKATE | UNCLOG A DRAIN | PROGRAM A COMPUTER | CHANGE A FLAT TIRE | FIRE A GUN | SEW | JUGGLE | PLAY POKER | PAINT | FLY A KITE | SCULPT | WRITE POETRY | CHANGE A DIAPER (can do this in under 4 sec) | SING | SHOOT A BOW AND ARROW | RIDE A BIKE | SWIM | SAIL A BOAT | DO A BACK FLIP | PLAY CHESS | GIVE CPR | PITCH A TENT | FLIRT | STITCH A WOUND | READ PALMS | USE CHOPSTICKS (taught by James) | WRITE IN CURSIVE/ CALLIGRAPHY | USE AN ELECTRIC DRILL | BRAID HAIR (fuck yes) | MAKE A CAMPFIRE | MAKE A MIXED DRINK | DO SUDOKU PUZZLES | WRAP A GIFT | GIVE A GOOD MASSAGE | JUMP-START A CAR | ROLL THEIR TONGUE | DO MAGIC TRICKS | DO YOGA | TIE A TIE | SKIP A ROCK | SHUFFLE A DECK OF CARDS | READ MORSE CODE | PICK A LOCK

KURIEN

BAKE A CAKE FROM SCRATCH | RIDE A HORSE | DRIVE A SUBMARINE | SPEAK A SECOND LANGUAGE | DANCE (well) | CATCH A FISH (learned in New Mexico) | PLAY AN INSTRUMENT | THROW A PUNCH | BUILD A DECK | ICE SKATE | UNCLOG A DRAIN | PROGRAM A COMPUTER | CHANGE A FLAT TIRE | FIRE A GUN | SEW | JUGGLE | PLAY POKER | PAINT | FLY A KITE | SCULPT | WRITE POETRY | CHANGE A DIAPER | SING (also really good at this) | SHOOT A BOW AND ARROW | RIDE A BIKE | SWIM | SAIL A BOAT | DO A BACK FLIP | PLAY CHESS | GIVE CPR | PITCH A TENT | FLIRT (probably his best talent) | STITCH A WOUND | READ PALMS | USE CHOPSTICKS (taught by James) | WRITE IN CURSIVE/ CALLIGRAPHY | USE AN ELECTRIC DRILL | BRAID HAIR | MAKE A CAMPFIRE | MAKE A MIXED DRINK | DO SUDOKU PUZZLES | WRAP A GIFT | GIVE A GOOD MASSAGE | JUMP-START A CAR | ROLL THEIR TONGUE | DO MAGIC TRICKS | DO YOGA | TIE A TIE | SKIP A ROCK | SHUFFLE A DECK OF CARDS | READ MORSE CODE | PICK A LOCK 

tagged by: find-a-health-kit

tagging: @bloodied-lace (for Eir and Julia) @obliiviscatur (for both Atlas and Axton) Let’s see who the most talented Vanguard is. 

(Two NPC muses beneath the cut)

I am American with partial Syrian ancestry. 

Syria’s indépendance day, when the last of the French officially left. 

Rabka and Kurien like to have a little celebration even when they’re out of mission. If they're at the base, Rab sets off a ton of her homemade fireworks. 

FOR RABKA  

              general .

NAME  :   Rabka Lemaitre (nee El-Khoury) NICKNAME  : Moooooommmm (drawn out in annoyance, accompanied by an eyeroll) AGE  :  Born 1911. Do the math.  SPECIES  :  Human.

                  personal .

MORALITY  : lawful /  neutral  /  chaotic  /  good   / evil  /  true RELIGIOUS BELIEF  : Eastern Orthodox Christian (observant but casual about it) SINS  :   greed  / gluttony /  sloth  / lust / pride  / envy  / wrath VIRTUES  :   chastity  /  charity  /  diligence /  humility / kindness /  patience  / temperance PRIMARY GOALS IN LIFE  :  For years, it was just to raise her sons, but they’re all grown up. She’s switched to mothering the team. LANGUAGES  KNOWN   : Levantine Arabic, Modern Standard Arabic, French, Australian English  SECRETS  :   Rabka’s husband is paralyzed from the waist down. She blames herself for the incident. There were Nazis involved. Long story.  SAVVIES  : Making bombs, keeping her cool in stressful situations, setting up situations so stupid people get what’s coming to them, can change a diaper in 3.1 seconds. 

                  physical .

BUILD  :   scrawny  /  slender  /  toned / athletic /  curvy /  herculean  /  pudgy  / average HEIGHT  :   5′5″ HAIR  :   Dark brown, technically wavy but pulled straight from its length. It almost reaches her knees when loose. She does all sorts of styles with it, but wears crown braids most often.  SCARS / BIRTHMARKS  :   Two scars on the right side of her rib cage. From when some Nazis beat her with a piece of rebar. A scar from smallpox vaccination.  ABILITIES / POWERS  :  Can make a bomb out nothing but a compressed gas cylinder, can synthesize just about anything from common household items, knows how to decaffinate her own coffee, doing ridiculously fancy braided hairstyles on her own head without a mirror, killing snakes by throwing things at them, playing the saxophone.  RESTRICTIONS  :   Struggles with languages. Doesn’t like trying new things very much. 

                favourites .

FOOD  : bouillabaisse (fish stew), figs, kibbeh (ground beef with pine nuts)  DRINK  : .Wine, Arabic coffee/Turkish coffee,  sparkling water  PIZZA TOPPING  : Had never eaten pizza before joining Team Vanguard. She thinks it’s greasy and gross.  COLORS  : Burgundy, dark purple.  MUSIC GENRE  :  Jazz, classical.  BOOK GENRE  : She loves the classics (mostly books that were published in French, because she doesn’t read English for fun.) Jules Verne is her favorite author. Vingt mille lieues sous les mers (20,000 Leagues Under the Sea for the Anglophones) is her favorite book.  MOVIE GENRE  : Drama, war movies. She can’t stand rom-coms and usually ends up yelling at the screen.  SEASON  :  Summer  CURSE WORD  :   As a rule, she doesn’t swear. But when the team ran into some white supremacists at a bar once, Kurien heard her bust out a kess ishtak.*  SCENT(S)  : Incense (she loves the stuff), acetone, gunpowder, 

             fun stuff .

HALF  EMPTY  OR  HALF  FULL ?  :   Half full SINGS IN THE SHOWER  :   Nope LIKES BAD PUNS  :  Yes, given that she understands it. 

*For the curious, this literally means “your sister’s vagina” in Arabic.  It’s used pretty much like “fuck you.” 

FOR KURIEN 

NAME  :   Kurien El-Khoury NICKNAME  : I don’t think he’s been given one yet.  AGE  :  Born 1925. Do the math.  SPECIES  :  Human.

                personal .

MORALITY  : lawful /  neutral  /  chaotic  /  good / neutral  / evil  /  true RELIGIOUS BELIEF  : Militant atheist  SINS  :   greed  / gluttony /  sloth  / lust / pride  / envy  / wrath VIRTUES  :   chastity  /  charity  /  diligence /  humility / kindness /  patience  / temperance PRIMARY GOALS IN LIFE  : To have much fun as possible and live in comfort LANGUAGES  KNOWN   :  Levantine Arabic, Modern Standard Arabic, French,  English. Knows some Italian and Spanish.  SECRETS  :   He has dysthymia (doctor diagnosed) and casually thinks about suicide more or less every day.  SAVVIES  : Robotics and computer programming. Designing booby traps. Learning languages. Statistical prediction of risk. Herpetology. Know how to stay calm after being bitten by a venomous snake. 

                physical .

BUILD  :   scrawny  /  slender  /  toned / athletic /  curvy /  herculean  /  pudgy (just the tiniest bit)  / average HEIGHT  :   5′7″ HAIR  :   Dark brown, curly.  SCARS / BIRTHMARKS  :   Scars on left calf where necrotic tissue was removed after a pit viper bite.  ABILITIES / POWERS  :  The only one who understands the vending machine. Ballroom dancing. Master of strategic seduction. Pretty damn good in the sack.  RESTRICTIONS  :  Gains weight fairly easily. Low moods affect his productivity sometimes. 

              favourites .

FOOD  : Scalloped potatoes, crepes with ham, basbousa (coconut cake) picked up a fondness for Mexican food during his time working for Mann Co. DRINK  : .The girliest, most sugary cocktails.  PIZZA TOPPING  : Dried tomatoes and pesto, pineapple, eggplant, salami COLOURS  : Dark green, burgundy  MUSIC GENRE  :   Techo, movie soundtracks.  BOOK GENRE  :  Reads a lot of well-reviewed middlebrow fiction because he thinks that makes him sophisticated.  MOVIE GENRE  :  Rom-coms, drama SEASON  :  Spring  CURSE WORD  :   In English: Fuck, damnit. In French: Merde, va te faire foutre. In Arabic: alama, ya ibn el  sharmouta SCENT(S)  : Cologne, sugar, secondhand perfume, cedar chips, 

          fun stuff .

HALF  EMPTY  OR  HALF  FULL ?  :   Half empty  SINGS IN THE SHOWER  :   Nope LIKES BAD PUNS  :  Yes!