The Gayest Ass

okay i made another quiz but this time it’s which monster you’ll get to hook up with. reblog with your result!!

I got vampire, which tracks because I’ve never been beating the allegations of wanting to be a blood doll.

not many people know this but when talking about your multiple pronoun-using friend you build up a combo meter for every subsequent unique pronoun you use

let's take it slow. like real slow. like really really slow. like not progressing at all

yes my executive function. thankyou my executive function

Nothing proves Archie and Maxie right because they are morons.

Nobody should buy GTA til they free Arion Kurtaj

What with GTA VI going up for pre-order i'd just like to remind everyone that rockstar conspired with the UK government to lock an 18-year-old away for life for hacking them.

Accidentally brushing against your titties as a transfemme like, "Oh right, I have these."

Lying on your side and feeling one tit press against the other is heaven, I think

when my bf was visiting this past spring i had to keep telling him to sleep in bed w me without a shirt on and always played it off like it was bc i think hes hot (i do) but the truth is i’m a super aggro sleeper and i was so scared i was going to grab the front of his shirt and headbutt him as hard as i possibly could. i could not risk exploding his skull.. 

when he left he gave me one of his shirts so i could put it on the djungleskog he brought me and i do regularly wake up with my fists white knuckle balled up in the shirt after going in for the headbutt and missing, ricocheting off my apartment building wall hard enough to knock my 3ds off the nightstand, due to the floppy nature of the djungleskog bear. my worries are not unfounded i hope my bf can survive.

Honestly nothing but respect to the user who tagged this post “Sleep Violence.”

*inserting new RAM into my 10 year old motherboard* "Shhh... hey, hey! It's okay girl. I didn't mean to startle you. I know it's been a little while. I've got a nice little treat for you here, okay? It's going to help you run smoother. There now, see? That wasn't so bad. I'm sorry girl. I didn't realize how much stress I've been putting you under, streaming Elden Ring with only 8 GB of memory... No wonder you're having trouble with Baldur's Gate 3. You've been doing so good though. I know you'll probably have to go soon, but we still got a few good years left. Hopefully this will help ease any pain you've been feeling. I'm going to put the cover back on the case now, okay? I love you."

Girls are you okay?

my girlfriend has invneted a new magic the gatherinf format and it fucking rules

[Talking to my princess faildaughter after I caught her making pathetic puppy eyes at the maid] Life isn't a swagophile post bitch. You’re getting married to a dude named Gunther

No we’re not “turning Gunther into a girl”. What? Are you serious. I- oh my god do I have to do the bit to make you understand. Sigh. Mommy needs this alliance so you have to be a “very polite doll” and perform traditional femininity okay? Or were fucked

They should invent a glasses that you can lay on your side in bed wearing

I suggest getting angrier about misogyny.

"at least be nice about-" no. Girl. Kill him over it. We're done. It's been centuries of this bullshit since time immemorial and he hasn't learned. Obliterate him.

They should invent a glasses that you can lay on your side in bed wearing

They should invent a glasses that you can lay on your side in bed wearing