~ Hello ~

IT'S DECEMBER WE ARE SO CLOSE TO 2018

I wish I, as a human being, matched my aesthetics.

I will get past this.

If you're reading this, I hope you have a wonderful day.

I want to write about how well I did today for a change instead of how awful I usually feel, so here's what happened today. I got out of bed reasonably early, walked around for a bit in the house, had breakfast, showered for the first time in ages, changed my clothes for the first time this month or something, brushed my teeth, ate a healthy amount of food and painted for the first time in what feels like months. And to top it off I only cried once or twice through it all. I'm quite proud of today, and I really hope that I can have a similar day tomorrow.

I want to be that guy with lots of plants (and doesn't kill them), who has decent self care, reads intellectual books instead of just fantasy books, has a career and a healthy social life. A bank account with 6 figures would be pretty cool too.

I'm beginning to love sleep, it's almost like being dead.

Getting tired of wanting to be dead, it's the same cycle every day. I wake up, I want to die, I go to sleep. And everything repeats.

Hello June. I can't believe we are half way through 2017 already.

I stopped looking right and left when I walk across roads.

Wouldn't mind becoming invisible and being away from people for a while.

I’ve done nothing but sleep again today besides make a pizza.

I’ve done nothing but sleep today.

I’d love to wake up one day, and not hate myself, not be disgusted by myself, not feel depressed, anxious or hopeless. I’d love to wake up one day and not question everything, not feel like everything isn’t real. I’d love to wake up one day and not feel like running away from my life.

I want edible flowers they’re so pretty and I want to put them in my mouth.

I think I need to start cleaning up my dashboard because there's too much on it I have no interest in or don't even want to see.

Everything I say is so repetitive.