cagney carnation is banned in over 20 states

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A/N: Now, before we get started on this partayyyy….I would like to formally apologize for these being so late. I haven’t checked tumblr much due to a lot of life stuff (mainly finishing up college, starting HRT, actually hanging out with people IRL woah who would’ve guessed I had a life?!?)….Despite everything, I still love Cagney. Buttttt it has been a while, so forgive me if my characterization is a little off! Also these headcanons are probably gonna be random/out of order since I’m new to this….Anyways, enjoy you freaks. 👹👹👹👹👹

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Out in the meadow lies a little clearing…

(Before the relationship:)

A lanky carnation can be seen fiddling with a personalized bouquet of flowers. Each flower holds a special meaning, all in assortments of your favorite color (s)…..

Cagney was never good with romance. His first attempt was when he was a wee, uncorrupted sprout, innocently asking the nearest flowery fellow to be his date mate. He didn’t really know much about them, but they were just too pretty to pass up! His optimism was quickly shut down when he was promptly rejected. Lmao.

Ever since then, he never really tried. Well, it wasn’t just that *one* bad experience that ruined it for him, it was mainly his harsh reality-check and swift personality change that took away any thoughts of romance from his mind. Growing up in the forest is no easy task, after all.

So when someone takes genuine interest in him, laughs at his mumbled remarks, always checks on him…

He…doesn’t really know what to think. At first he passes you off as another nuance, another bother like his useless friends, Hilda and Goopy.

But your presence…slowly, but surely, becomes a routine. One he eventually finds himself looking forward to. And deep down, that scares him more than anything.

Vulnerability is not his strong suit, but here you are, peeling away the layers of hateful facades and years of artifice, to find him, to see the real Cagney. One he hasn’t even seen in an awfully long time.

It takes a while for him to recognize his feelings. I mean like, a REAL slow burn. Most likely a couple years of knowing each other before he even considers seeing you in a romantic light.

When he does finally cave in and realize that he IS in love…eugh…he shudders. Both out of fear, and the fact he’s disgusted with himself for using such a cheesy word.

He tries to ignore it at first. Keyword “TRIES”. But seeing the way a faint blush creeps onto your face every time you two are in close proximity, the way the sun hits your face just right as you laugh at one of his snarky remarks, when your presence makes the metaphorical drag of his impure soul feel lighter…..God damn it.

While figuring out a way to tell you, Goopy and Hilda catch wind of his new “school-boy crush” situation.

You best believe those mother fuckers teased him to NO END. Which, to no one’s surprise, resulted in (very flustered) him throwing a wave of thorns at the two morons and yelling at them to “SCRAM!”.

…Despite being jackasses, they still are his only friends. So of course, later they come around and help him figure out a way to court you. Hilda suggests something theatrical and wayyy too out of character for him. Goopy suggests he fight someone in front of you, as a show of strength. Which, he won’t lie, he considered for a second… but he isn’t one to showboat his strength that easily, especially if it’s wasted on some random sap to impress someone who would probably condone the senseless violence in the first place.

Amidst their bickering about whose idea is better, Cagney forms a softer idea.

A bouquet of leaf-picked (lol) flowers made just for you, to be presented during one of your “friendly” picnic hangouts with him. Something humble and in his comfort zone, with no other to witness his confession but you.

The day of the picnic comes a long, and he finds himself over thinking things internally. You being dressed in flowery clothing and a bright smile plastered on your face is not helping his composure.

After he mentally slaps himself and reminds himself that he’s a feared man (flower???), he’s able to quietly bring up the idea of love with you. You two have a deep talk under the clouds, hands inching closer and closer. The topic drifts into something…a little more intimate. Something more serious, yet calm between you two. Your hands find each other and gently intertwine. He doesn’t know how much time passes, but by the end, you two are something new.

He voices his worries and fears. You do the same. But with hope and a little bit of love, you two are willing to try, to make this work. Both as friends and as lovers.

Sunset-colored clouds slowly drift out of the sky as the hours pass, making way for a star-scattered inky sky.

…When it’s time for you to leave, he remembers the bouquet and slaps himself. During your long talk, he completely forgot to gift it to you! He frustratedly hands it to you and explains that he was going to hand it over earlier but…

You’re quick to stop his fumbling and laugh it off. With a quick peck to his cheek, you take the gorgeous bouquet and wish him a good night.

Cagney watches you go with a dazed look on his face.

Yeah, you’re gonna be the end of him.

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DURING THE RELATIONSHIP:

Cagney has a bit of a possessive streak. What can he say? He’s never had much in his life. Growing up on unstable foundations leads him to hold on to what little he has, even if he doesn’t show it much. You mean the world to him, and if he ever lost you, he’d burn down what’s left of it.

No matter your height, the carnation will always tower over you.

Because of this, he likes to tease you frequently. Whether it be keeping things out of reach so you can ask him for help ( …he also likes watching you struggle. He’s a weird freak like that.) or holding things above your head like an annoying jackass. When he does the latter, you’re quick to pull on his stem and plant a kiss on his smug face, cussing him to drop whatever he was keeping from you. Works everytime.

He doesn’t like going out much, but dating you has him seeing places he normally never visits. Obviously, he stays on the down-low. Wearing an old trench coat from his rickety tool shed and staying in his smaller form, he blends in a bit better than he normally would. He doesn’t want to draw attention to himself, both out of awkwardness and the fact he has a bad reputation. For that exact reason, he always tries to keep an eye out, thorns slightly peeking out of his stem just in case some mook tries to harm either of you.

He isn’t very good at PDA, but he will always be close to you. On good days, his hand will find yours during a majority of your outing.

If anyone gets too close for comfort, he will find himself standing a bit taller - a protective vine wrapped around your waist pulling you taut to his side.

You can see right through him, gently laughing at his obvious jealousy. You reassure him later though, as to not cause any long-term problems. Despite his thorny exterior, reassurance is needed sometimes… after all, why stay with a recluse like him when you could go for someone better?

You’re always quick to shut down anything negative about himself; even if he doesn’t voice it, you can always tell.

Speaking of! If you were to ever feel down, he’d try his best to comfort. Albeit he’s a bit…awkward. He’s trying.

A comforting leafy hand wrapping around your shoulder, flowers being placed anywhere on your form (tucked into your hair, if you have any), his (playfully) mean remarks are toned down.

If it’s a really bad day, he may not even speak at all. Instead, opting for wrapping around you, head laying in your lap in a position similar to a cat. Comforting silence and the presence of someone you love is sometimes better than what any words can convey.

You and Cagneys respective places get a lot brighter.

Cagney’s meadow becomes a lot less quieter. Some of your own personal items and little gifts to him are strewn about. Flowers seem to bloom bigger and brighter now.

Your place, on the other hand, has also gained a bit more life. Flowers growing up and around the walls of your home, paintings/photos of you two sit comfortably on wooden shelves. Gifts from him are placed by the windowsill, basking in the sunlight.

He normally doesn’t initiate any kisses, but when he does, they’re soft and intimate. The complete opposite of what you’d expect from the dangerous man.

One way to leave him flustered is to pepper his face in kisses. Either that, or kissing his outreached hand like something from a princess movie. Corny, but it works on him.

His little flower cousins come around sometimes. They like to place flowers in your hair, tease their elder, and play 100 questions… Cagney is quick to shoo them off, but honestly? The little freaks are growing on you.

Hilda and Goopy are no exception to the teasing. Cagney will never hear the end of it.

Despite it all, the two friends are genuinely glad their childhood friend has found a lover. Especially considering when you’re around, he doesn’t chase them off as much as he normally would. LMAO

When Winter rolls around, you are quick to invite Cagney into your home, worrying for his safety. He initially declines, saying how he handle it, but you can see right through his stubborn facade. You refuse to let him suffer alone.

This often ends up with you dragging him into your house, alongside some of his smaller plant cousins.

He definitely doesn’t like how crowded the space becomes. But after a while, things go into their own rhythm.

The flower also gets to experience sleeping in a bed! He…thinks it’s strange, but when curled up next to you, he doesn’t mind all that much.

Random, but I think if you’re gonna date a flower, you gotta be ready for dirt to trail everywhere.

I also like to imagine you watering him sometimes. You think it’s hilarious. He thinks it’s humiliating LMAAO

He loves making you laugh. Not many know this, but with his witty remarks and sharp mind, he’s actually a pretty funny guy! Some of it is a little dark, but overall he could definitely keep a crowd entertained if he wanted to. Of course, he despises crowds so that would never happen. Plus, who needs a crowd when you’re the only person he cares to entertain? He hates to admit it, but he’d make a fool of himself if it meant he got to see you smile.

He loves it when you wear bright clothing. I like to imagine him and other flower folk like brighter colors, similar to bees in a way. God forbid you wear his colors, he’ll be turning a bright shade of red.

holy YAP FESSTTTTT that’s a lot. but I feel like could’ve wrote more idk…..

Okkkk that’s all for now because I really need to get back to work (carving away at wood for an assignment. Sorry Cagney I killed your cousin LOLLL)

- Brazilian. Everyone in the fandom knows this by now…right? Even if he isn’t human, it still fits.

- The headcanon by @/love-minor-poltergeist (didn’t wanna randomly tag them shdhjshdhs) about him being the butt of short jokes until he had his growth spurt is one of my personal favorites!

- Adding onto the height thing, I think he used to be a little self conscious? Not in the “am I ugly or pretty” way, but mainly in terms of power. obviously he’s a pretty “””normal””” guy in terms of self consciousness (and stuff along that topic, especially since he does not give a fuck about beauty; I think he just wants to shoot up places) so I don’t think he cared THAT much, but he definitely did not like that his height did not match his big ego.

- After the growth spurt, I think that little bit of body shame mainly went away. Maybe deep down he still has problems, but those deep-rooted (lol) ones are less about his past self consciousness and more about his life in general….I’ll save that for another post (if you guys want it).

Anyways, we’re starting to tread into angst territory so let’s move onto the funny and normal shit 😒😒😒 nobody GAF about his mental health smh #ihatemen

- I know many people ship Hilda and Cagney (which is cute!), but I personally see them more as Frenemies in a way?

- Like, we all know Cagney isn’t the person you think of when you hear “friendly and outgoing”. His attitude towards his neighbors is no exception to this.

- Although Hilda flies over his field occasionally, they don’t interact much. Those two definitely share history from their younger days, and while they STILL are friends, they just…don’t talk as frequently?

- Not because they genuinely dislike each other, but because that’s just how Cagney is with people he considers “friends”. He’s just not the greatest at communication and keeping up. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you, though! He’s just…awkward and doesn’t like frequent company. He’s pretty introverted and likes his alone time. (If you’re really close with him, he’ll try a little bit harder, and by harder I mean less death threats and a basket of flowers at your doorstep for your birthday.)

- Hilda (and occasionally Goopy) will pester him though, and he will begrudgingly hang out with them. The frenemies part I mentioned early? Yeah, Cagney and Hilda bicker a LOT, less like “an old married couple” and more like close friends whose love language is insulting each other, then immediately talking shit about someone else. It’s nothing serious, though. It’s just how those two are. (Mean, bitchy, and probably evil…perfect friendship right there!)

- The flower will occasionally travel farther in his home isle, but only for two things: to consult the Root pack for compost (It makes great fertilizer for his garden, damn it! He refuses to use man-made fertilizer.) and for the once-in-a-blue-moon visit to the frog brothers’ clip joint. What can he say, he’s bored of sitting around sometimes!

- Contrary to what the rumors say, he surprisingly has the decency to not do his various acts of crime in his home isle. Not because he cares for the people here, but because this place is more of his hiding spot, in a way. He’d rather not bring trouble so close to home. He may be out of his mind, but he’s not (completely) an idiot.

- If the Cuphead show story boards has anything to go by, this man has probably killed people. LOL! Or at least caused some heavy damage to others.

- I feel like his path towards darkness mainly stemmed from him being weaker and probably running into a lot of trouble when he was younger. He’s always been pent up with rage , for not only being pitied and dotted on, but for being the target for a lot of misfortune. The forest isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, and Cagney knows that all too well. Once he learned he could use his “soft” facade to manipulate and trick others, his rise to notoriety grew from there.

- His crimes started from conning others, to petty theft, to now robbing places occasionally. Also maybe drug dealing with his plant buddies? God, what hasn’t he done?

- I don’t think he’s all that bad. As the RDR2 quote goes, “Hearts are rarely pure, but equally they are rarely impure either.” This can apply to Cagney. I’ll save the ramble for the (only if requested) Cagney insight/mental health post, but for now I’ll say this: He has MANY flaws, but he is not as terrible as the Devil. To some, he’s a feared man, to others, an old friend. And to most who don’t know him much…just some weird recluse who lives in the forest. And finally, to him, he’s a gardener who just happens to have his leaves in a couple bad places.

Ok. Enough rambling. I need to CHILL. Short and sweet headcanons now..

- He loves lilies. He thinks they are gorgeous. Is that weird for him to say as flower himself?

- Beautiful garden kept in pristine condition.

- He dreads the winter, and often endures the first bit of it, shivering and refusing help for his own ego. Once his friends convince him he’s a fucking idiot and is gonna freeze his petals off, he (eventually) gives in and takes shelter during the worst of the snow storms. He secretly worries for his little flowers- though he’d never admit it.

- Sexuality wise? I don’t think he cares. Mainly because I don’t think he’d ever see himself in a relationship. Too many factors in his life go against it, he says. He doesn’t need anyone, he insists. But on particularly cold nights (or lousy holidays like Valentines), beneath all the hatred, there is a small bit of yearning.

- He doesn’t have a favorite color.

- Despite his side “hobby” of crime and his terrible manners, he’s actually a little… chill? Like, yes he IS manic and batshit insane sometimes, but other times he’s just…a grumpy guy tending to his garden and sitting around doing fuck all.

- In his moments of calm where he isn’t committing heinous acts, he sunbathes. You may even catch him in a vulnerable position: cloud watching and lost in thought.

- He’s pretty stubborn when given advice for something he’s done wrong. When your advice works, he’ll wave it off with a grumble and a “N’yeah yeah, whatever, I knew what I was doing…”. Internally, he is a little appreciative.

- He sleeps in a cat-like position with his head in his arms; Normally sleeping under the tree we see in his fight.

- I think when he’s by himself he’ll normally be in his cute form, since he’s not being antagonized (or visited) by anyone at the moment.

- He sometimes makes poor choices, as seen in the book. He’s a very poor spender and often makes huge risks. He’s a fucking moron but luckily he can just steal all that money back, unlike most other poor saps.

ok that’s all for now because im tired. request more you heathens 👹👹👹👹👹