Spinner of the Silver Wheel

Washington December 2017

Find Them in the first sip of hot coffee that doesn’t quite burn. Find Them in the rising sun and the safety of warm sheets. Find Them in the silver light that heralds the sun.

Amazing origami artwork by Cristian Marianciuc.

by Deborah Hollins As we move into the dark time, I wanted to share a poem I wrote to give heart that the light is always with us.

Arianrhod

She stood upon the feverish sands, with lonely heart, and empty hands, as the mists gently offered damp kisses to her cheeks.

The wind aroused her crimson tresses to dance like the folds of silken dresses, upon the breeze that cooled her disheartened countenance.

The sea heaved truly before her, akin to the lover who once adored her, when lips did touch and fingers met skin warm and soft.

With robes sweeping wildly Erin green, she looked as a shade in a child’s dream, which walks on air whispering silent covenants.

As she gave witness the sun did set upon the crest of the waves it met, till darkness cloaked her within a ravens embrace.

She stood on the shore, her eyes beholden to the full moon it’s visage golden, bleeding pure light upon her furrowed brow.

And when the moon did reach its’ peak, standing in waters cold and deep, she raised her hands to the stars above.

“Arianrhod, I call to thee, Mother of the Sacred Three, pray thee hear my petition in beautiful Caer Arianrhod.

My lover tis dead, my clan tis scattered, all that to me has ever mattered, has slipped through my hands which once were strong.

And I know not why I have been cursed. nor why upon me this scourge loosed, in your woven tapestry that is my life.”

Seen through a tear that doused her eye, the Silver Wheel in the sky, began to spin and whirled a shining path.

A thread of light did gently land upon the sodden moonlit sand and from it’s brilliance a woman buoyed forth.

Her radiance lit the seaside far, as round her flamed the hallowed stars, that were the celestial lanterns of Emania.

Then from her mantle did she lift a silver scepter with amber tip and pointed to the rolling sea.

“Turn ye waters from this shore and from this one who does implore from me the answers to still her heavy grief.

For I shall not to her bestow the answers she fosters within her soul, nor will your waters give her release. No coward stands here.”

Anon the waters did recede and from the woman took their leave, till her sodden form stood bathed in Goddess light.

Then the Mother looked upon her face with tender eye, and with soothing grace Her ancient voice drifted melodically to her ear.

“The lyceum in Emania holds a thousand warriors, brave and bold whom answered the call to battle with their lives.

And as I move through the passageway, I ask each one what they would say, now that they have left behind what they held dear.

Nary one has spoken yet of suffering, bitterness, nor regret. Instead they speak of gratitude for having been.

So listen Daughter to what I say within my light you shall find your way, you need only make the journey to who you are.”

Then the Goddess disappeared and with Her took all the woman feared sweet warmth replaced the coldness of her soul.

Celtic Goddesses Collection

Artwork- Yanka-arts-n-crafts

Silver is the disk she spins,

Watchful is her knowing stare,

Listen to the wisdom she sings,

Her song is one both harsh and fair.

 _

Watchful is her knowing stare,

She calls when you cannot hear,

Her song is one both harsh and fair.

She is with you when you are not near.

 _

She calls when you cannot hear,

Her cry is a caw, fierce I s her howl,

She is with you when you are not near,

Her wings take flight, her form an owl.

 _

Her cry is a caw, fierce is her howl,

Listen to the wisdom she sings,

Her wings take flight, her form an owl.

Silver is the disk she spins.

 _

In a transactional relationship, you expect that if you do the right things, you’ll get the right result. You work the hours you agreed to work and so you get paid. You commission a piece of art and pay for it, and the art is delivered to you. You put in the hard work and turn your essay in on time, and you get a good grade. Effort in, result out.

But a transformational relationship is completely different. If you approach a romantic relationship like it’s transactional, things fall apart pretty quickly – or you end up at the ‘nice guy’ conclusion of assuming that because you put in the effort, you’re owed the desired sexual/romantic contact in reward. In healthy romantic relationships, you don’t do something for your partner because you expect they’ll do something for you in return. You do it because you love them, because you want them to be happy, and because being together makes you both better people.

I think far too often we can fall into the trap of treating our relationships with our gods as transactional. I build the alter, I give offerings, I give prayers of praise, so I should be rewarded with the blessings I ask for, or signs, or a clear godphone connection. Effort in, result out, right???

But it doesn’t work that way. When we work with the gods we’re dealing with real, intelligent, individual beings with opinions and wants and needs of their own. They aren’t vending machines. The gods aren’t obligated to respond to us any more than a person is obligated to date someone who was nice to them. 

Rituals, ceremonies, offerings, prayer, meditation, etc can all seem really pointless and hollow if you don’t understand the point behind those actions. The point is not that you’re putting in the effort for the expected result. The point is that in doing these things, we transform ourselves into better versions of ourselves – whether or not the gods actively respond to our actions.

Within the Tumblr pagan community, it seems like there are a lot of people who worry about doing things the ‘right’ way to make the gods like them. It carries with it the ‘nice guy’ implication that if you do everything just perfect, the god or gods in question will like you, will give you signs and blessings and a clearer godphone. My experience has been that there is no ‘right’ way to do things, there is only the relationship between you as an individual and the god as an individual.

When I try to explain my relationship with my gods to someone who isn’t religious or spiritual, the response seems to mostly be “Wow that sounds like a lot of work, what are you getting out of it?” For awhile it frustrated me that I didn’t have a solid answer to that, but this conversation with my (religious but definitely not pagan) father really turned it on its head. 

What I get out of my devotion to my gods is a better me. My time thinking about them, talking to them, praising them, that changes me, gives me a better idea of how I fit with the rest of the universe, where my value comes from, what I’m capable of. It helps me to be more forgiving, and slower to anger, with a longer perspective than the problem-of-the-moment perspective we so often get stuck in in our modern world.

I think with the emphasis (particularly on Tumblr) on godphone-type communication with one’s gods, it can be really easy to lose sight of all the ways we can feel the gods’ presence in our lives. Focusing more on how I have changed, how I am actively changing now, where things would have troubled me before but don’t anymore – focusing on that makes it clear how much I really am getting out of my relationship with my gods, in a way that isn’t at all transactional.