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I guess I don’t even have to explain anyone who understands will understand without me saying it out loud.

after march 10th I have been through so many emotions there is no way I can describe it. Sometimes I hated Heeseung sometimes Jungwon sometimes I loved all 7 then I hated the fans then I was shocked and angry then I was understanding and forgiving I was shocked by jays words I was hurt and confused then I was happy and ready to move then something happened again and I was down then I was missing Heeseung like a bitch then I was missing enhypen like a bitch but it hurt too much but I thought maybe I’ll just need some time to watch them as 6 then I was shocked and depressed that it truly was Heeseung’s decision which is still messing with my head but I chose to ignore it blablabla I could go on and on. It’s not possible to put everything I’ve been through the last four months in words.

One of the main reasons why I chose to stay in this fucked up family was this blog. Because I truly truly truly regretted that I was on a hiatus and I felt like I had to finish the two series at least before leaving. And like I said sometimes I had a booster of energy which is why I was able to publish some fics after march 10th. I truly wanted to at least give you the last chapter of burden of vow but I just can’t finish it. Thinking about the members just gives me pain.

I was having a hard time with some engenes to because wdym you dgaf about a whole ass human being???? The situation is just so complicated. Like yes I understand this and that but it’s making my head spin.

I could go on and on and explain to you guys what I’m thinking but tbh I just don’t have the energy anymore in me.

But yeah it’s not Heeseung who fucked things up for me, it’s the other six people. It was the biggest slap in my face to realize that they only care about themselves and not their fans. And they have shown it a multiple times the last four months.

But I don’t want to be a fan of someone who’s only looking at their own well being. I really tried to be understanding the last months otherwise I would’ve dipped the moment Jungwon said he’s not having a hard time. But today he showed me that they only care about themselves and don’t understand that fans are shouting it because it’s fucking healing to us.

So yeah Jungwon Jay sunghoon Niki Sunoo Jake can go with engenes and saranghae this way and “Evan” can go with Evers that way but I’m refusing to pick a side.

It feels like I’m a child of divorce lmao. It’s like Heeseung is the dad who left during night and the mom is crashing out and doesn’t know what to do so she’s taking it out on her child who is just so fucking confused because till march 9th they didn’t tell her that they’re fighting and filing for divorce and now she’s just confused because huh????? We were such a fucking happy family????

And the mom is keep telling her to not give a fuck about the dad who left but the daughter is like what??? That’s still my dad I love him so much ??? And I know he loves you too but he fucked things up because his mind was fucked up???

This is just an analogy but maybe someone will understand my feelings.

So yeah I’m a child of divorce and I just don’t want to see or hear about both of them anymore. I’m tired and hurt and Jungwon is clearly only thinking about his own members ok I’ll stop I’m spiralling and repeating myself.

So here’s the thing:

I just have this itching feeling in my heart that I have to post my drafts.

I will just post my unfinished drafts later on here because I just want to get it off my chest.

They’re gonna be incomplete and confusing because they’re just drafts.

After I posted everything I will let you know and then I will delete this app. I won’t delete my account because I also once had a 1d blog and after they went on their “little hiatus” I deleted it. But now I’m regretting it because they were such a big part of teens but it’s okey mistakes happen.

Enhypen was a big part of my early adulthood, I’m one year younger than Jay and I admired him a lot. I wanted to become like him. He and Enhypen really helped me to shape the woman that I am today. They really taught me a lot and I think this is why this pain is so much worse than anything I have been through in life because they were everything to me and overnight everything changed. They were my peace my anchor in life. Whenever I was mentally drained they gave me so much energy. And now things are just too fucked up. Now they have shown me the that they don’t love their fans as much as we or I love them or like they always tell us they do.

I have stanned 1d and other groups before and Holy fuck enhypen’s pain is 100x worse than them.

I have so much to say but I have to stop myself.

Is it really my fault that I believed them?

Is it really my fault that I fell in love with them and their lies?

please do not scroll, this is a very important message that ALL ENGENES must do if we want heeseung back.

as most of you might know, heeseung has "decided" to leave the group to focus on his solo career. BUT, this is not true.

heeseung DID NOT decide to leave the group, he was forced to. he was apparently seen crying and "crashing out" in a hybe hallway which CLEARLY shows it was not his decision. to add on, just a few days ago he was speaking about the world tour coming up, and participating in activities and events LIKE NORMAL. it was be so weird just for him to leave like that.

ENGENE, we are a team. we can bring heeseung back. for example, MARK FROM NCT. he left the group exactly like this but came back due to the FANS PROTESTS. WE CAN DO THIS FOR HEESEUNG ASWELL! PLEASE DO THIS SO OUR HEE CAN COME BACK.

THIS IS NOT FAIR! OTHER ARTISTS LIKE: YEJI FROM ITZY, TWICE MEMBERS, TXT MEMBERS, BTS MEMBERS AND MANY MORE ARTISTS ARE ALLOWED TO PURSUE THEIR SOLO CAREER WHILE BEING IN A GROUP. BUT NOT HEESEUNG??

we all call for heeseung's return while ALLOWING HIM THE FREEDOM TO PURSUE HIS SOLO CAREER.

ENHYPEN WILL ALWAYS BE SEVEN!

SEVEN OR NOTHING!

please reblog to spread awareness!!

by @jjwoned 🤍