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@c1ndyberman
I WAS A SISTER ONCE ― independent, selective, mutual exclusive blog for CINDY BERMAN from fear street 1984. primarily headcanon based and iconless. horror themes are present and tagged as such. low activity. follows back from te1ekentics. revived by KAELI. they/she 25+ graphics by @cur4tor. intertwined forever with @m1chaelmyers ― I'M NOT ANYMORE
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part of her wished she was worse at accepting death. that it wasn't easy for her to look at the pale faces of dead bodies, strangers or those familiar to her, and know that the same ending came for everyone. she didn't have any comfort to give, but she did nod once at cindy as she entered the mortuary, beck's hands finding the pockets of her lab coat, one wrapping around a lingering ballpoint pen there. 'yes, i . . . of course. can you follow me?' the victim was young. too young to be laying, lifeless, on the assistant's table, as if she didn't have her whole life ahead of her. to most, death always came to early, but even as they stepped in front of the table where rebecca removed the white sheet from her face, beck couldn't bring herself to feel as much empathy as someone else might. 'take your time,'
it is difficult not to grow bitter in that moment. in the way that her father left a hole in their home. or the way that her mother couldn't leave a bottle 'til it ran dry. both of their griefs weigh on the young counselors shoulders. this summer wasn't intended to be like this. they were supposed to have time to make up. to understand one another. to leave their shitty house and this shitty town - but now they'd always be stuck in one way or another.
cindy nodded back, following them, shrugging herself closer to the fabric of her oversized jacket. she had turned eighteen just a couple of months before camp had begun - yet she felt even smaller in this room. when she looks down it stings. her chest has cracked open again and the grief just spilled from her. it covers her shoes and wells in her eyes, a watery path down the curve of her cheek.
ziggy looked so still. not like herself at all, there was something wrong. brow jutted out futher than it would be in life. a serene expression in what used to be frequently furrowed brows. the wrongness almost makes her feel better about taking a step forward. without thinking cindy gently brushed auburn strands away from her sister's peacefully closed eyelids. it was like she was sleeping without the comfort of knowing that morning would always be there the next day. " that's her. " voice is tight as the tears stream down her cheeks. they drop onto her jacket, onto the floor, without occasion. cindy turned away from the body. " is that all you needed ? "
her face is gaunt. it should be her mother or father making this journey. it should not be cindy, bruised and bandaged, breathing uneven. she had slept at the hospital but just barely. the stay there had been all but unbearable without the occasionally company of fellow injuree teddy. even though it was just a day or two ago it felt so far from her. as if it had faded the moment she was caught in the cool air below ground. until she was met with flickering overhead lights and a sense of dread in her stomach. " i'm here about the young girl - the one that was found. " she chewed on the bottom of her lip. " to confirm. " it's quiet, like all of the air has left her. " they said you were expecting me. "
@ass1stant
most people wanted to live a long life, die of old age, surrounded by those who love them. family, friends, lovers, neighbors. clerks from the grocery stores they frequented, classmates they attended school with decades ago. everyone in the world wanted to be loved, remembered for the good things they did when they were alive. all normal things to wish for, all ordinary ideals to crave. from a young age, michael had been shown that he'd never have any of those things. his family had turned on him as soon as his baby sister had been born, neglect taking hold of his shoulders and leading him to a path darker than any child should walk on. no one of sane mind would approach him to become friends, and his neighbors had been scared enough of him to double check that they locked their doors at night. as for lovers, well - the only one he had ever known was sitting across from him again, and he wouldn't kid himself with thinking she'd still be there when he died. that meant, the only memories anyone would ever have of michael myers are the headlines calling him pure evil. no understanding of why he turned out this way, because he refused to tell such a drawn out story. not that anyone would believe him now, anyway.
cindy talked and he listened. it had been like that for a long time, longer than they had loved each other. she hadn't changed much, stream of consciousness leaving her with hope that any anxieties might exit with the words she spoke, though that never seemed to happen. he could answer her questions easily - there is no okay in here, there is only drifting, only silence, only feeling like a fish trapped in a too small tank while eyes stare at you from every glass corner. he blamed his family for the way that he had turned out, but no excuse was good enough for the thoughts he'd had throughout his life, gruesome and altogether violent. but she asked him not to, so he wouldn't. but he did watch her. listen to her. waited until she was done, until she decided it was a mistake to see him, and then he spoke again, voice somewhat hoarse.
'we're never the ones doing the leaving, are we,' it was less of a question, more of a statement. a fact. neglected, forgotten, used and thrown away. their lives were vastly different, neither of them were stupid enough to think otherwise, but they were fundamentally the same. michael half expected cindy to stand, to finally leave, walk away from him for the last time. when she didn't, he thought she might understand a fraction of why he'd done everything that he had thus far. 'i have answers, but not the ones you're looking for. i can't ease whatever lingering pain you still have, cindy,' name was said with hesitation, feeling somehow foreign and all too familiar on his tongue. 'i'm not the one who called. and they'll use you again and again to try to get more information out of me,' eyes glanced at the two way glass, knowing his doctor was on the other side watching them. when they landed on cindy again, they were unrecognizably soft. 'but we don't leave. even if you go now, i'll still always be there,' finger lifted to point at cindy's chest, at her heart, before he went quiet.
cindy thought she could have been a leaver once. when she was bright and shiny, the summer just before everything went bad. in the months just before love had taken root in her heart she had dreamed of train tickets, late nights, and going where the wind took her. of the freedom she could feel outside the suffocating gaze of their hometown. of who she might be if she had an actually shot at it. cindy hoped that there was a version where that did happen. or was she always destined to grow where she was planted? she doesn't look at him but gives a nod that is so small that if you weren't looking you'd miss it. " guess not. "
it feels strange when he says her name. it doesn't come out as smoothly as it used to, instead it seemed almost hesitant to her. that hurt worse than anything else because it was evidence of how much had changed. she shrugged after a moment. " can barely feel the pain now. " she said. it had been their all along. even before the incident. in many ways it felt like it was apart of the dna of who cindy was. it informed all of her decisions - even this one. " you can't even soothe that micheal, not really. " it lived where she lived. cindy knew that she couldn't outrun the feeling so she was trying her best to figure out how to live with it. " you were one of the few to try though, but you don't have to do that anymore. "
it's a slow turn of her head to glass behind them. she doesn't trust her own reflection, micheals' face reflected just above her shoulder. it was like a funhouse mirror, not quite right, not quite there. " they told me they wouldn't. " she said quietly. " i had asked. " cindy didn't want to cause him anymore hardship. from her own stints around doctors she had grown to have a healthy distrust of their intentions. especially for the doctors who gravitated to places like this, who wanted to dissect people like him. " but they probably didn't keep to that. wanted me to ask you this questionarie too - i said no - "
she sat in the silence at his last remark. cindy could feel the scar burn beneath her blouse and it felt like being cut all over again. " where would we go ? " she finally asked. " if we could. if we could leave here," she gestured around the room, " or here. " cindy added, pointing to michael's own chest. " if things had gone different. "
the devil, in all his glory, was just a sad little boy. older, michael may be, but the ordeals of his childhood stuck with him, no matter how many years he added onto his life. he'd grown accustomed to being alone, understanding that he'd be that way for the rest of his life. cindy coming along had been unexpected, her sticking around, even more so. the emotions she brought out in him were new, frightening enough to cause discomfort within his mind and body, though not enough to make him walk away from her. he glanced at her from the corner of his eyes as she saw down beside him, taking another moment of comfortable silence before he took the dessert form his camp tray and passed it along to hers, instead. @c1ndyberman.
in front of him she didn't have to be perfect. it had been an image cindy projected so seamelssly that she forgot how heavy it weighed on her. the pressure she was putting on herself had caused more harm than not. so desperate to get an opportunity to do more with her life than wear in the barstool at their local pub. and when you were like her , poor, and without parental assistance, it meant you had to want it twice a bad. it had been unexpected but camp - while a job - was a reprieve from it all.
mostly thanks to micheal. cindy set her tray down next to him, throwing her napkin onto her lap. it is wordless, and almost automatic, but she find his dessert on her own tray. she smiled and bumped him lightly with her shoulder. " you have to promise to take at least a bite - i want you to enjoy it too. " she said, so softly that it almost sounded conspiratorial.
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she couldn't imagine him dead. not even in her mind's eye. cindy felt better when she knew he was breathing. which is why the words felt so sharp. cindy lowers her gaze to avoid his. it was stupid of her to have come. a part of her knew that. knew that others were probably right about the way to move on. it was her that insisted on being stuck. and she feels the familiar ache of what once was. she didn't know why she always wanted to put the pieces of the broken parts of her life back together. she had tried it first with her parents. and then her image at school. she just couldn't stand to look at something broken if she had a modicum of power to fix it.
a hollow laugh comes from her. " i'll have to tell her you agree. " of course cindy wasn't going to do anything of the sort, because then she would have to admit that she'd seen him. that a part of her soft bruised heart wanted to repair something. " you've always done that. " she said quietly. " assume something i would have never thought. " she notices the ring on her pointer finger, nervously twisting it before looking up. " i've never not believed you. you think i ever bought into how they painted it in the media? no. because i know you micheal. " then after a moment. " or knew. " she couldn't be quite sure which one it was.
cindy tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. she could feel the tiredness of the day settle into her shoulders. too exhausted to hold the tenseness. she relaxed a fraction, resigned to this being a mistake. “ know all too well what being left feels like that i guess i just don't have the heart to do it. “ it tasted bitter on her tongue. like a dig against herself for the way she let others in. cindy leaned back in her chair, wishing that there was a way she could avoid the glare from the fluorescents. it was so bright, it made her want to shrink. " we were friends once. " she said softly. more than friends but that was then. she isn't sure he cared about that anymore. perhaps the ghosts of who they were had but the mangled people who sat here now were far from that image. " it's just - are you okay - in here ? i thought if i came i might finally understand why - or how - " cindy stopped herself. in all her years in therapy it had never fully gotten through to her. understanding did always heal the wound. she shook her head slowly. " you know what - don't answer that. any of it. it's silly. " she said with a deep breath. " it was silly of me to come. i should have known better. "
@m1chealmyers / continued from here
@mothflamed.
