SENSITIVE // SATAN

“ He started doing one , two , five victims in one month and he ended up getting caught . He was getting too brave , and too impatient ... I just don’t want to see anything happen to you , Kai . I care about you .”  Tate’s dark , dark eyes turned down at his hands ; He twiddled his thumbs around one another , visually uncomfortable with questioning The Divine Rulers methods , but he felt it was important sometimes to settle him down . He was a very ... excitable man .

Every other attempt Tate had made to get Kai’s attention onto him had proven pointless ; He jammed a finger into his sides , shook him by the arm , and even bit him on the shoulder once but the older of the two had just brushed him away , insisting he was busy .  “ Kaaai !!”  Tate called out , starting to get genuinely frustrated at this point .  “ I’m trying to talk to you !!”  Getting up on his knees , his perpetually icy hands took him around the face and forced him to meet him halfway through a lean ; He planted kiss after kiss against Kai’s stubbled cheek , then blew a particularly wet raspberry in the same spot .  “ Stop ignoring me before I scream in your ear .”

“ Something tells me you don’t care as much as you let on .”  It was probably the fact that he was standing here , continuing a playful conversation with him rather than reporting him to the bouncer . Rather than holding his hands up and saying he’s not touching this one with a forty - foot pole .  “ C’mon ,”  Tate tried to bribe with the best puppy - dog eyes he could let on .  “ One drink . Something mixed , I’m not really a beer kind’ve guy .” 

“ I’m different now ,”  Tate insisted ; Though this was a promise he’d made before , hadn’t he ?? That the senseless murders of fifteen school - aged children was a one time thing , he swore to her when the secret had come to light . It was a drug - induced slip into the darkness that resided inside of him , it wasn’t who he truly was . He hoped his promises came off as genuine as he felt .  “ I haven’t --- I haven’t done anything bad , to anyone , in a really long time . I haven’t even really talked to anyone , other than your dad , I mean .”  He anxiously pulled against the sleeves of his sweater , covering up his pale - white hands and bundling them into his fists .  “ I can prove it to you if you give me the time . Hang out with me , Vi . You’ll see !! I’m not like that anymore .”

“ The creepy basement ?? Seriously ?? That was your first clue ??”  Tate couldn’t help but laugh a little ; This poor girl and her family had no idea what they were getting into . He supposed he could warn them , but also , he promised long ago after the disaster that happened with the Harmon family that he wouldn’t get too involved with the living anymore .  “ Not the fact that the house comes with a warning that thirty - something people died in there , and is casually referred to as  ‘ The Murder House ’ .”

“ What makes you think I’m not bad people ??”  Tate closed his locker , turned himself fully at Jonathan now and leaned against the steel at his side . He didn’t have a reputation quite like anyone he hung out with --- Out of Billy , Tommy and Carol , he was actually fairly quiet and reserved . He didn’t chime in any words when it came to unnecessarily rude comments towards their fellow peers , but even so . Byers didn’t know anything about him . He hitched his rucksack further up his shoulder , arms crossing along his front .  “ They’re my friends , you know .”

Carol’s hesitance made Tate laugh a little , but also feel a bit sad for her . How many times had she been betrayed by her so - called friends to have such little trust ??  “ It’s all true ,”  he assured .  “ I um ... You know , I try to be nice to people as much as I can .”  But that statement teetered on a dangerous edge , as Tate could very quickly become a nightmare to be around if his buttons were pushed one too many times . Eyes cast downward before he slowly slid his way against the brick wall until he was seated on the still slightly dewy grass .  “ You wanna sit ??”  He offered , grabbing his rucksack and laying it out flat next to him .  “ You can sit on that , if you want . Nothing’s important in there .”  Just text books he’s never read and unfinished homework . His mother was going to kill him . Another drag of tar and ash was taken before he continued their conversation .  “ Oh , trust me . I wouldn’t have left Cali if I had a say in the matter . This place totally sucks --- It’s cold , and it’s wet , and it’s boring as shit ... Me and Billy have already kind’ve discussed heading back out to the west coast when we’re able to .” 

With his knees tucked up close to his chest , Tate took on a fetal position that mirrored when he was just a child and he’d come to Dolores for comfort ; Constance was often too drunk to really care , and even if she was sober , he knew now that she didn’t have the emotional capacity nor the patience for someone as sensitive as he was .  “ They won’t let me ,”  he whined , referring the violent thoughts that so often ran through his mind .  “ I try --- I really , really try , I promise I do . But they won’t let me .”

“ But what if you don’t know who you are ??”  With death came confusion . Some days were more troubling than others , but in general , there was a typical dissociation . Memories of his former life would sometimes pop into mind if he came into contact with something familiar --- An object , a sound , a smell . But they would often get mixed up with dreams he use to have , making him unsure of what was and what wasn’t real . People would tell him things that he’s done that he doesn’t remember , nor could he ever imagine himself doing .  “ I know who I think I am , but everyone says different . I’ve done awful things , and I don’t know why I did them .”

Angry wasn’t the half of it . Oh , Tate was completely inconsolable with the pure , unadulterated rage he felt on the inside . And inside is where it’d stay ; Locked away from the general public , as he was petrified he was going to hurt someone if he ever let it out . The blond sucked in a breath that shuttered audibly from the force he was using to try and internally manage himself .  “ I’m fine ,”  Tate swore , although it was very obvious that he wasn’t .  “ I’m good . I just --- I need a cigarette , that’s all . To take the edge off .”

But it was so hard to think in a positive light when he was feeling this way ; Completely hopeless , and completely helpless . Tate had barely moved an inch that entire day , only getting out of bed once or twice to fetch a drink or use the restroom . No matter what bribes Mickey tried to lay out on the table , or what encouragements he cooed into his ear , there was no energy available to exert within the blond’s frail body . He hugged his body pillow close to himself , hiding his face down against the cotton case over it .  “ I just feel like … Like the good days are such a tease sometimes ,”  he mumbled .  “ Like how good my life would be if I didn’t have to feel like this so much .”