in the blood

General Information

Welcome to bydcsign. This is an independent Multi Muse roleplay blog run by Caston. I am 21+, pronouns are she/her, I live in Canada and my timezone is EST.

I have BPD; Borderline Personality Disorder and am currently medicated for it. If you can’t handle that; please don’t interact. I am currently in treatment for management. If anyone puts me into a bad episode; I reserve the right to hardblock. If you want to talk to me about my BPD; I will freely and openly speak. All I ask is you be understanding and respectful.

Basic Rules 

This blog is 18+. Minors will be blocked. This blog is semi-selective and leans toward mutuals. Follow backs come if you have a completed rules and about/bio page.  This blog is OC friendly and focuses mostly on OCs.  LGBT+ friendly and focuses LGBT+ themes. Anti-LGBT+ behavior will result in a block. Duplicate muses are loved, appreciated, and welcomed.

Important Links

I’ve been considering it for a while, and after taking an extended break, I think I just simply need to quit. The issue I have is being here makes me feel absolutely horrible, and forcing myself to be in a place where I am not happy and all I get is negative feeling isn’t okay. I need to put myself in a positive place, a positive state - I need to heal myself. I am still very much not okay from last years incidents (some of you know what that was and that it stemmed from this site) and I need to take the time for me.

I will still write - just not here. And only with people who come to me to do so. I have made a private proboards forum specifically for writing and that’s where I will be continuing. I will not be checking here anymore. I’ve given out my discord enough times that those who want it should have it by now. 

I’m not going to forget the good times. Those of you who wrote with me and plotted with me and spoke to me - thank you. I appreciate that and you. 

I unfortunately cannot justify staying in a place that mainly negatively impacts my mental health. I need to recover - I need help. I need to reevaluate my life and make the right choices for me, no matter how hard they are. This year I am going to focus on myself and what is right for me. I need to get better. I can’t keep on like this. I want to get better, I want to be happy - and I have to take the steps to make sure I can get there. 

I am doing well right now. I took my break, and connected with people, found a community I adore being a part of, though it has nothing to do with writing. I have taken on responsibilities that keep me active. I am medicated which keeps me on a decent sleeping schedule. I’ve restarted an older game and gone pretty far in it. Learned a new role in that game, a new main character - it’s been positive. I’ve been feeling less negative and closer to happy. I want to keep it that way. 

Will I come back? I don’t know. I can honestly say I’m making no plans to return. If I come back, then I come back. But for now - I need to leave and focus on me. I know I’ve been terrible on here. I’ve lashed out, I’ve hurt people, and all of it stems from my poor mental state. That needs to be fixed, and I’m rooting out the problems and cutting them out. So for now - this is goodbye. 

it’s 2021 and my first art is my man

First off; answer my threads. I need to. Reply to stuff. Once I get my writing mojo back from the grave. Second; add more original characters. Actual original content and not fan characters. I want to open that up more. Or try to. 

That’s all my plans. If I ever. Feel awake enough to do it. Because I am still having issues adjusting. I’m working through it with solutions given to me by friends. Trying different ( safe ! ) things. Currently it’s adult multivitamins in hopes this is a vitamin deficiency thing but we will see. 

My sleep is back on track and I am awake now every morning at 8 EST and usually head to bed at 7 EST to 11 EST as best I can. So that’s good. That’s the new schedule because... medication requires me up so. Up I get. 

uhhh that’s about it for the future. Hopefully it works out!

I mean I’m also now busy Mon, Wed, Fri. I help Ana with streaming and we do the stream from 2 PM EST to 6 PM EST. Loose schedule but we’re trying to be regular with it so I’m MIA on those days. I also have other outside tumblr commitments I’ve made and manage so... 

I think my presence here might go? Down??? Don’t know how often I’ll fit this in considering I keep losing my will to write and that’s really inconsistent and unfair to those who write with me and BOY do I apologize for that inconsistency. But we all do our best and at the end of the day it is a hobby so I hope all can be forgiven here klsfhshglkds I do feel bad for making people wait on threads for 10 years because my brain is just flatlining on Creative Juice but it is what it is at the end of the day. 

I am on Discord. You can request it through IMs if you’d like to have a closer contact with me at all. I’m mostly on there these days. I do not write on there. I use it strictly for just regular communication and makin friends. 

“ i never want to lose you again. ”

@mercvriismuses​ / Lane & Minsun / prompted.

Minsun’s hug is tight, and Lane returns it. One of his closest friends - and he’d walked away from her too when he’d left everything behind. He hadn’t been able to return, and it takes everything in him to even be here now. To reveal he is alive, to reunite. It takes strength he didn’t know he had to stand and to admit to it all; though he knows it’s understood. He knows he’s been forgiven. 

What happened was beyond control. What he did according to it was what anyone would have done being left behind for dead. Though it still weighs heavily on him, as he continues to keep the embrace with Minsun. 

“ You won’t. ” He makes a promise he wants desperately to keep. If he leaves her side again; it will be his death that takes him. His real death. “ I’m not going to let that happen again. I promise. ”

“ what has happened can never be undone ”

@ofpvrpose​ / Lane & McCree / prompted. 

It’s another quiet night; and Jesse’s voice permeates the silence. The words cut through Lane, leaving a chill worse than any winter wind could ever achieve. Those words - they ring right through to his core. His body; what had been done to him. That will never be undone. He’ll never be normal. He dealt with that feeling, that despair, the need to hide himself away - for years. He still feels it, but he desperately tries to hide it. 

His gaze shifts to the man beside him, and falls to the metal arm. The same thing. Something taken and replaced. A change that will never be undone. Something that makes you feel different, that you’ll not fit in the same way you used to. 

It’s the same for him as it is for me. 

Lane reaches over, and takes both of Jesse’s hands in his own. The changes don’t matter - this is still the same man. Lane is still the same inside as he ever was. That didn’t change. His fundamental self didn’t change. 

“ You’re still Jesse McCree. ” Lane glances up, to meet the others gaze with his own. “ No matter the outward changes, you’re still the same man I fell in love with. You’re still the same man I currently love. That didn’t change. You’re still you. I’m still me. It’s never going to be easy to adjust with the changes. But it doesn’t mean I see you any different. You never saw me as any different, despite how different I felt. But I know it’s a challenge. It takes years. I still have trouble. ”

" Bite me. " Ismael, his head turned to look at Drifter with a grin.

@ofpvrpose​ / Drifter & Ismael / unprompted. 

“ Where ? ”

So basically I’m really tired and sluggish constantly and it makes thinking hard which makes writing difficult. Since I have no way to know if it’ll clear up soon, I’m just kind of going to be lurking mostly. If I feel like writing I suppose I will; but there’s exactly 0 guarantee. I just don’t feel great and despite how much I wish it wasn’t like this, I do have to put my health first.

Thanks to those who have been patient with me and stuck around! I do appreciate everyone who supports me through rough times like these. I’m trying to hang in there and hoping for the best to come sooner rather than later! 

Here's Wyck, he's managed to make a device to put on his head, with a long rod up and a mistletoe hanging from it, perfect for kisses on the go ! " Kiiiiiss. "

@kidemcnas​ / Lane & Wyck / unprompted. 

It takes Lane a good long moment of staring before he starts to laugh. He wouldn’t put it past Wyck to come up with something like this; and it looks endearingly silly. A warm smile crosses the Titan’s face and he leans in to give Wyck the kiss he’s asking for. When he pulls away, that smile has not gone away, and a chuckle escapes him.