bVIsIV

Barely hanging on.

Sometimes it feels okay for a minute, a day, a week. Never longer. I’m ready to go again.

Why do I think of you every minute and second of each day

I don’t know about this anymore. Everyone says it’s hard trying to figure out who you are as a teenager. For me, it was blissfully ignorant and completely oblivious. Trying to be a genuinely good man is so much harder. Suppress every emotion, hide every fear, never let your outward appearance show the pain and distress inside. Be strong, provide, and stand up for yourself. Be self sufficient, know your worth, don’t take shit from anyone. Do it all, even when no one can be there to understand or listen. I got it all down, except one or two. Or maybe I’m just deluding myself. I watched my grandpa do it, I watched my father do it. Will anyone ever look at me that way? I could never picture them just driving off in the truck, parking up, and crying. I can’t picture them asking themselves these questions, feeling this sort of self hatred. Being a man is feeling like you’re the only one, and coming to terms with it and pushing past it anyways. This is where I come up short.

A million missed opportunities and not a single lesson learned.

They say that ignorance is bliss, but to acknowledge one’s own ignorance can be absolute hell.

Do you ever die in your dreams? Does it ever feel good..?