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Been done to me by people of both genders. 

Also I have been guilty of doing this, so I apologize. Because I was overly excited and just couldn’t wait to talk…. yeah. 

but the shower you took today was nice. the birds are coming back. someone has started a little conga line of tiny snowmen near your local bus stop; each one a little sillier than the last. without any evidence, you strongly believe they're left there by adults - something about the shape and size of the abdomen and thorax.

people are dying, still. you donate. you protest. another name in the files and still no action taken, the dow is up. a toddler is taken to a concentration camp and is "lost". your paycheck barely covers rent, groceries are obscene, your boss warns you of potential layoffs.

but your neighbor helped you shovel snow, made you a hot cocoa. you and your friends randomly decide to have a taco dinner right now because why not; you're all stone cold sober and shaking ass at 10PM on a worknight. you meet a girl and she shows you her music, her hands shaking. when you have the honor of making her laugh hard enough her blue eyes water; something about the liquification of joy spills into your palm and coats your veins in marigolds.

laundry has to be done. tax season is somehow here (but, like, fuck 'em). every day something happens that makes your breath suck out of your body in a single sharp smack, and you still need to meal plan. AI is stealing water to make advertisements for items you don't even want. you still have to stop to get gas. someone you really respected is shown to have secretly been a predator. you still need to remember to pick up pet food.

Baby lion dancer: *appears*

They routinely have entire conversations where Ilya is very softly smacking Shane's foot the entire time. Shane enjoys the percussive feedback.

Ilya mispronounces the word "Application" and they just sit there mutually whispering 'Aaap-li-caaa-shun' at each other for the next thirty seconds.

Ilya comes up behind Shane while he's trying to make a smoothie and says 'HELPING HANDS' and puts his arms under Shane's armpits.

Ilya sees Shane undressing in the bathroom and yells, "Take it all off!"

Shane carries Anya into the bedroom and holds her over Ilya's chest and moves her paws and says, "Papa it is me. Papa it has been an whole hour since I ate. Papa I am so hungry and sad." then drops her on his stomach.

Shane comes into the home office and grabs a pen off the desk and puts it against Ilya's cheek and says, "Any last words?" and Ilya says, "I wish I had eaten more dumplings."

Ilya spends an entire episode of House Hunters International with his hand down Shane's pants. It's not doing anything in there either it's just keeping warm.

Sometimes they are just mutually awake at three AM for No Reason and they go stand on the porch and stare at the empty street together.

Sometimes they are laying there playing footsie on the couch while on their phones (Parallel play) and Shane says, "Does your mouth ever do that squeezing thing. You know. When you eat." And Ilya says "Explain" and they spend the next ten minutes dissecting whether this is a Human Experience or a Shane Experience.

Sometimes Ilya will put his head on Shane's stomach and say, "Show me your boooones" and wait for Shane to lift his shirt so he can burrow under it.

When Shane gets frustrated he's liable to mutter, "One of these fucking days" under his breath. Ilya's job is to respond "Straight to the moon," and mime an uppercut.

Sometimes Ilya gets very excited especially before/after very intense games and in order to release some of this energy he does this WOOP thing with the back of his throat. Shane will respond with an echoing WOOP from wherever he is, even the showers. Sometimes other people on the team will echo them and it becomes a sort of hype-up but Shane and Ilya will even do it when they're alone. If Ilya is particularly excited he will say, "Louder, baby!" and Shane will WOOP again, big grin splitting his face.

Ilya sings songs under his breath and replaces half the lyrics with Shane and Anya's names. After he hears Blinding Lights by The Weeknd for the first time he spends WEEKS just periodically muttering "I said Shaaaane...I'm blinded by the Shaaaane..."

Ilya lays down flat on Shane's back and says, "Do you like this?" and if Shane says, "Yeah," he'll bite the back of his neck and say, "How about now?" And the way Shane responds decides if Ilya puts his hand in his pants or just weighs him down and takes a nap.

Shane holds out his hand to Ilya and says, "Do the thing," and Ilya spends the next three minutes carefully cracking all of Shane's knuckles.

Their finance guy is named Hezekiah Patterson and they ONLY refer to him as Hezekiah Patterson, AAMS. Did you talk to Hezekiah Patterson, AAMS about those assets? Shane, Hezekiah Patterson, AAMS is calling us. We just got a Christmas card from Hezekiah Patterson, AAMS. That was very nice of Heze--