This is my land, and here, I am king.

Today makes one month of no phone calls, of no visits, of no late night rants about roadwork and how horrible my wait for food was. Today makes one month of no laughter at silly things, no big plans for the future, and no lonely talks before the sun rises at the break of day.

Today makes a month of looking at the hideous hole in my living room wall that crumbled as I woke and continued to break and crack through the morning, and a series of frustrated calls as I so desperately tried to contact the one person who could fix it, fix everything that goes wrong in my life. But today, one month ago, the phone rang silent, today, the disgusting gray void in the wall was still there, today, you were still gone and my world is still shattered just as it was and nothing is the same and nothing will ever be the same again.

I have replayed the night before in my head day in and day out time and time and time again and it doesn't make it any better and I'm not better and I still wake up every day and distract myself and pretend it's all okay but deep down I am so fucking broken and it's not funny. I don't eat and I don't sleep and I can't login at anything in my house the same and every restaurant in this town and every place I disappear to in my mind has you there and it's just bullshit and it's so fucking unfair.