NIKITA

“The human soul has need of security and also of risk. The fear of violence or of hunger or of any other extreme evil is a sickness of the soul. The boredom produced by a complete absence of risk is also a sickness of the soul.”

I had thought I wanted a great many friends, but had often refused invitations because I hated to feel the beautiful free space of an empty day, free for me to do what I liked in, broken into by social obligations. I had thought I wanted to be a unique individual, but had been filled with shame when anyone disagreed with me, hastening to take back what I had said. I had thought I wanted to be importantly useful in the world, but avoided all opportunities for responsibility. I had thought I wanted to plumb human experience to the depths, and yet had striven to remain immaculately aloof from all emotional disturbance.

“Many people are afraid of having large desires. Desiring something is a journey of getting deeply vulnerable and incredibly uncomfortable. When we desire something, we are revealing an aspect of us that is tender and lives inside our body. But often that thing we really desire, we are also deeply afraid of experiencing. There is this dissonance between what we really desire and what we are willing to trust that we can have, own, or be. Dripping with desire for something different and uncommon requires masterfully giving death to all the parts of you that are easily distracted and thereby blocking the desire from manifesting. Because when you meet your desire, you actually get to know your true self and honor your spirit. Likewise, placing your attention on the people, places, or things that aren’t serving, just so you can avoid doing the work to meet your desires, is kind of betrayal of your soul delaying your evolution. Too much time wasted on wishing and being distracted and not enough allocated towards following through.”

“I needed to be reminded of mysterious and sacred things,”