Freedom leads to Sin

Your friend had seemed to leave, leaving you to make small talk with the stranger.

Later that night, you shrieked at your friend for leaving you alone with the handsome stranger and she laughed it off leaving you absolutely furious.

The day that you had planned to go to the greenhouse, Woo contacted you and said that there was a change of plans, you were confused but agreed anyway. But you were a little surprised when he took you to the flower shop, where the enthusiastic florist explained the meaning behind all the flowers Woo had picked. You had enjoyed yourself very much that day, surrounded by the scent of different flowers and the rays of sunshine that had brought a specific kind of warmth to the store, even though this was going to burn your savings for a good whole month and you’d have to stick to ramen if you wanted to pay rent for the shared college dorm you were in. When you were done picking flowers, Woo ended up paying, saying that your company was enough as a payback for breaking his plant.

Before he dropped you off at your dorm, you were shocked when he handed you the flowers he bought and your eyes widened as he leaned in closer to leave a soft kiss on your cheek and whispered to look forward to his texts. As he left you stood there dumbly, blushing profusely and unable to comprehend what just happened. And that night you went to bed with a smile on your face, sniffing the flowers which now were placed on your bedside table.

 .

.

.

That was how it started; now you have a theory on what soul mates are; they’re people who were created to be perfectly adaptable to you, but the chances you find them were 0%, except for the few people who would search everywhere for their soulmates and find them. You’ll never meet your soul mate in this world or the next one, because there is a definition of perfect for the universe, but everyone else’s definition of perfect is different.

And even if you do meet your soulmate, there is no guarantee that they’re the one for you, since the universe is changing. And it’s about time it changes the rules set for humans.

You find amenity when you’re with Jung Wooyoung and that’s all the reassurance you need.

 .

.

.

Even though your theory has helped ease (like the tiniest bit) of your frustration over the resounding problem which was, what if Woo finds his soulmate? The thought of that suffocates you; you turn into a human zombie pondering through assumptions, and possibilities. Until one day Woo sits you down and asks what’s wrong.

“What would you do if you find your soulmate?” you ask quietly. He shakes his head, conveying silently that your worries are unnecessary or maybe he’s disappointed in you for thinking things like that, but it’s not like you can help it.

“I’d tell them, no thank you, I have a lovely girlfriend who wants the universe to change its rules and I stand by it.”

You lightly hit his arm and huff out a laugh.

“I’m serious”

“I’m Wooyoung”

‘’I’m sick of your bad jokes” and as you get up to leave, he pushes you back down, places a hand under your chin and says-

“I won’t leave you for the fucking world. You hear that?” 

 .

 .

.

After a few weeks of dating and becoming official, Woo took you to visit his friends, who were the reason you met in the first place, the innocent plant was asked to be delivered by one of his friends, you needed to thank them, since the plant was long gone.

And, you’ve heard a lot about his seven friends, who share an apartment house, with four rooms. When you were led inside, you were attacked with greetings, compliments and questions; you tried to reply to all of them, you really did. They were more intimidating in the beginning, but now you wonder what was it about them that made you feel that way.

Jongho was a person you would always avoid, you were mostly shy (read: terrified) of him. But one day you were eating an apple, and he wanted to show you a trick. And you were beyond shocked when he just broke it into two halves with his bare hands. And every day after that, you’d bring an apple when you feel like it, and pass it to Jongho and tell something utterly ridiculous like

The cat ate my knife

I’m too broke to buy a knife

It’s banned to cut apples with knives; I heard it on the news

And he would roll his eyes and do it for you anyways. 

Once you handed him a melon, and you were surprised that he attempted to break it open. He banged it on the table twice and glared at you for making him look weak; you ran as he chased you around with a melon.

Seonghwa was your favourite. He’d come over, be annoyed at the mess you and Woo made and then proceed to clean it up. But all jokes aside, you really liked Seonghwa, and he does laundry too!

Hongjoong, you assumed would be very authoritative, was actually an adorable goofball. And you enjoyed teasing him about his height.

Yunho along with Mingi were the dorky and mischievous pair, and always managed to earn a yell from Seonghwa for dirtying the place with their ridiculous pranks.

Yeosang, who was Wooyoung’s friend for over 5 years, appeared to be a very quiet person and somewhat normal compared to the others. That's what most people would think anyways, but once he opens his mouth you’d regret ever calling him quiet. The guy knew how to expose people better than Dispatch did.

San, now San you have beef with.

Because he takes Woo away from you, and you keep on complaining to no one in particular-

“This is not fair-” you ramble off

“Look I’m only helping, it’s for the greater good-“

“Oh? What would that be?” you shot.

“Woo, likes it when you get all jealous”

Your cheeks heat up and then you angrily look at Woo who shrugs and says “I didn’t say a thing”

You storm out the room and hear something along the lines of

“He also likes it when you get all hot headed; I’m helping you get laid, your welcome….”

.

.

.

 You and Woo have fights too, But you have an unspoken, but definitely existing rule; communication. Sure, there might be couples out there who can guess what the other person is feeling, or what the other person wants-

But for you and Woo, communication is key and you like it that way.

.

.

.

It’s impossible to wake Woo on Sundays, so you have taken the matter into your own hands.

Despite being adults who have different jobs and no longer go to school, you aggressively shake him and yell

“Woo, time for school, you missed the bus, wake up”

Or

“There’s a fire, the cat is dying”

.

.

.

“I love you”

 You were the first one to put it out there. You just blurted it out one night, lying in bed, when you were lying next to each other, hands intertwined in between you both, just staring and outlining each other with your eyes. You were ready to drive off the nearest cliff when-

“It’s obvious I do too, no words necessary”

You were suddenly embarrassed and rolled over to the other side to hide the colour of your cheeks, yanking your hand away and muttering-

“Great or else you can find me at the bottom of a cliff with your damaged car.”

“Didn’t know your life was on the line”, he says back hugging you and grabbing your hand back.

“It’s clearly an exaggeration, dumbass”

He chuckles and both of you fall into a silence of nothing but the sound of your breathing and the clock ticking. And right when you were almost asleep, you hear him mutter I love you, I love you, I love you and press a kiss to the side of your head before pulling you closer and tightening his hold around you.

You think you’ve never felt more content, sharing a complex emotion, which is filled with other complex emotions and being understood, it was profound to be understood.

Who needs a soul mate, you’ve got Jung Wooyoung and that was more than enough for you.

.

.

“Look at Yunho in this picture, he looks so handsome” San shows you the pictures from your quick break before the exams to the arcade. You take a glance, damn. You know that the moment you open your mouth, you’re screwed.

“Hmm”

“I don’t like it when you’re vague” 

“Yes Yunho is cute” That’s all you plan on saying anyways, but you had to panic, because what if San thinks you’re not commenting on it too much and picks up that you’re crushing on Yunho? Ok, so you were overthinking.

“Too cute that it’s impossible he exists, I mean I see him every day but it’s not like I believe he’s real, there is a limit to being cute and all. I mean a recreation of a Greek god- I mean he should be a Greek God himself-”

You were cut short by San’s exploding laughter and as you voice your confusion to him, he still laughs until you violently shake him-

“Yah! Why are you laughing?”

He finally calms down enough to tell you-

“Just say you have a crush on him”

You open your mouth to deny-

“Admit it~” He says scrolling through his phone again.

You huff out, San was your best (read: only) friend, it wouldn’t hurt to tell him, so you nod the tiniest bit, and San grins from ear to ear.

“I mean, I didn’t see it coming, but when you started rambling off like that, it was obvious.”

You sigh.

“You tell this to anyone, I will personally murder you”

“Sure sure”

And after that, he thankfully let you change the topic.

 .

.

.

Ever since then, whenever you’d meet Yunho, right after that, you’d whip out your phone to text San; something vague like-

“He’s wearing a red sweater”

“He dyed his hair blue!”

“Kill me”

And then you’d go home and text San about how a person; a human, cannot simply be so beautiful, and ramble off about him.

 .

.

 .

“But sir, I don’t have an email” You tell the professor, who has just asked to submit your assignment by mail.

“Don’t whine to me, and make one, is there a student your age without email? How do you have social media accounts?”

“I don’t have them” you reply

“Just make one, it’s extremely useful, and won’t take much of your time” He said, in a brushing off manner, guess he doesn’t believe you.

You nod and sigh as you leave to the next class. If you can’t whine to your professor, you can whine to Yunho. Who listens to the whole thing like the god damn angel he is, and as you open your phone to create one, he gently coaxes it out of your hand, asks you if it’s okay if he creates one for you instead and when you nod he turns his attention to the phone, while you’re just dumbly staring at your hand, where Yunho’s hand made contact with yours.

“Look, I sent my self a mail using yours, lets chat on mail for a while, you can get used to it” He says, you nod, and talk for a while, and then Yunho had to go. You wave at him while he leaves and you text San.

“What’s your mail?”

And when you finally get it, you send him a mail.

URGENT: JEONG YUNHO TOUCHED MY HAND, I REPEAT JEONG YUNHO TOUCHED MY HAND, MOM COME PICK ME UP PLEASE.

I MEAN HE WAS FABULOUS TODAY TO, IF IT WASN’T OBVIOUS; HIS HAIR WAS SO SOFT I CLIKED A PIC, LOOK:

[Image attached]

DO ME A FAVOUR, WHEN I DIE, SIT ON THE VERY SAME CHAIR HE’S SITTING ON, LOOK AT THE SAME DEIRECTION HE’S LOOKING AT AND BURY ME THERE, WHILE YOUR AT IT PRINT THIS ON MY GRAVESTONE.

WHEN I DIE PLEASE TELL HIM I LOVE HIM IN THE OTHER WAY.

BYEBYE

Later that day you get a reply from San saying that you’re too dramatic and an email from Yunho, which you didn’t think much about the time. He was the one who wanted to talk in mail, so you open it and-

And you realise you accidently send it to him too.

*cue freak out*

“So I must have send it to him too-” San blinks at you for a while and then-

Laughs at your face saying random things like

“This is gold”

“Nonononono”

“Never in my life- never”

At this point, you think he’s just spewing English vines that he’s been watching a bit too much to be considered healthy. And now you’re overcome with sadness, and as soon as he notices, he starts apologising and you bow you head, you think you look like a rag doll, and then cry. And san runs circles on you back, occasionally tucking strands of hair behind you ear and wait till you finish.

After a good while of snot- running type of crying, puffy eyes and ringing ears, you start to ramble, a habit that got you here in the first place.

“I don’t think I’m ready for rejection, I mean I was perfectly fine watching him from the side-lines. Heck I would watch him get married and I’d probably say nothing, like I’m not dying inside, proceed to get married, I’m crying tears of happiness-”

“What makes you so sure that he’s going to reject you?”

“I don’t know ok? But this isn’t a movie, he sees me as a friend and I had to go and catch feelings for him.”

San sighs.

“So, what’re you going to do now?”

 .

.

.

It was hard, but you finally managed to blackmail San to help you avoid Yunho situations.

“And how long do you plan to do this?”

“Until my plane ticket and Visa to Alaska are approved and I change my name to Veronica Fall”

He looks at you, and the look speaks for itself, you’re being dramatic. You raise your arms in mock surrender and flop on top of the bed.

“Tomorrow everyone is hanging out, Yunho will be there, you coming?”

You pointedly grin at his cheeky expression, and he mimics the way you had surrendered just a few moments ago.

 .

.

.

You stare at the response you had given to all the missed calls from Yunho.

I’m busy

Sorry, I was showering

I’m going to be busy for a while.

And you watch as the three dots move, and then stop and then move again, you feel as if your heartbeat moves along with those dots, stopping when it disappears, and then finally a response.

We need to talk, I gave you your time, and it’s not fair.

You feel like this is a new side of Yunho you haven’t seen, an assertive one. And you realise, just because you’re a coward, doesn’t mean that you can leave Yunho in the dark, even though you have fears of Yunho leaving you, getting awkward; deep down, you know, that Yunho, he’d never treat your feelings as something useless. And that makes you feel more in love.

And who knows unrequited love may not be so bad, maybe, just maybe; for Yunho it might not be so bad.

Fine

After sending the last text, you get up to clean the place, take out boxes littered about, and books and papers all lying about that you haven’t cared to put away. You do the dishes, and tie your hair into a pony, you’re distracting yourself from the real problem of facing him, for now you let yourself do it; later, you can scream at yourself.

And a right when you reach for the broomstick that you had tucked in deep behind the storage room; you hear a knock at your door.

You don’t think much about it, until you open the door. Low and behold; Yunho was standing at the doorway, a determined look on his face and he walks past you into the house.

You can’t help but think; geez, come on in. But you’re just salty.

And he opens his phone and shows it at your face, too close to read, practically in between your eyes, its touching your nose too. And you’re the dramatic one.

“Explain; explain this email, that was, I figure, supposed to be sent to San, explain why you’ve been avoiding me and my calls, and wherever I go right after I replied to this, I’m not going or letting you go until you do.”

And his voice cracks at the end bit, but you don’t notice, you’re in a bubble of thinking; thinking how to phrase this, just overthinking; maybe.

And moments which feel like hours pass, and you decide to do this the ripping off the band aid way. But it turned out more like the ramble it off way

“I like you? No, no that came out wrong… I love you? Yes, I’m pretty sure I love you, and don’t worry I know you’re not into me that way-”

And you don’t know what really happened; there was a hand on your face, right under your nose, and he was right in front of you.

“Sometimes, everything you say is nonsense.” He breathes, you open your mouth to respond, and he applies more pressure with his palm, to keep you quiet. You can’t help but think of the way your lips mouthed at his palm, not the time; not the time at all.

And then he continues.

“You don’t know how relieved I am to hear that, the moment I got that email, it took me a few minutes to understand, but when I did, I already pictured our five adopted cats, not gonna lie”

Your eyes widen in shock, did he just indirectly say he like you back, in the form of cats? This is why you fell for him in the first place.

“Did I creep you out? I must have creeped you out, forget I said that.”

And you laugh behind his palm, and he slowly removes it, moves it to your shoulder, drags it down the length of your arm, and interlocks it with your hand, a sweet smile on his face, the contagious one, so it’s only law that you smile back, teeth and all, since you can’t hold it back.

“We should go on a date.”

“That; we must.”

.

.

.

You were on one of your many dates, too wind up in each other to not notice the others who also wanted to hang out with you, you totally kept the news from San; you and Yunho are in this together, so he needs to also be comfortable with telling San, after a lot of thinking, you both settle on letting them find out, which may take years to get in their daft heads, but for now, you both have put fate in them.

 .

.

.

San caught on way too quickly, the moment you enter the café and sit down, he says-

“So you’re not moving to Alaska? Or is your husband; Yunho moving with you?”

You blush and look down-

“Look, I can explain-”

And he breaks into a wide grin,

“I’m happy for ya”

.

.

.

You and Yunho were scrolling through many of the messages you have send to San; the ones fawning over Yunho, as much as he likes to get you flustered, he himself also gets flustered, so it’s a win-win situation.

“They haven’t caught on yet” you suddenly say.

It’s true, other than San none of them have caught on yet that you both have been dating, and that’s kind of weird, since it’s been almost a whole year.

But it’s not like you’re gonna sit them down and tell them. You and Yunho have a better plan.

Well you have a better plan.

“-and they walk in on us!”

“…..”

“Or not?”

“No”

You end up inviting them over for dinner, and as they take their first bites, you happily chirp in that you’re dating and Yunho adds that you’re moving in with, leaving everyone to choke on their food, except San, who had a cocky expression, which soon turned into a choking fit, who’s cocky now?

And Wooyoung looks up, and goes “Wait, you’re serious” and continues choking, this time on nothing.

 .

.

But the next day Choi Jongho; the guy you spend YEARS pining comes up to you. And that’s new, because you’re sure he doesn’t know of your existence, and he says-

“Sometimes you have to do things that make you uncomfortable to actually like it”

And you don’t understand; you gape at him for what feels like centuries, as you haven’t caught on yet; for fucks sake the guy hasn’t even said hello.

And he sighs, as if he’s done with people not understanding him, and you blame exactly him for that because of the cryptic way he speaks, he could speak Morse code and you’d understand him better; and he begins to explain, as if that’s the most draining thing in the world.

And you think that this guy is getting less and less charming the more he opens his mouth (That is a lie).

“Play volleyball with us, join the team, you fit the qualities to be one, and its actually fun- not easy- but fun; and about the uncomfortable thing, sometimes you just need to get past the feeling, and then you can actually feel , once the cloud of poor judgement is out of your system.”

And he said a lot of things, he did, but somehow the moment you actually stop and say something you HAD to say-

“I have poor judgement?” and you blink up at him.

And let’s be honest here- scary looking, kind of jerk face, jock, probably bullied into asking you to join the volleyball team; totally would have said something along the lines of ‘of course, what do you expect your judgement to be? Reliable?’

But Jongho looked taken aback, sort of offended that you thought of him as lowly, as he aggressively shakes his head.

“I meant the being uncomfortable; it makes your judgement poor, and I would never say that, what kind of person do you take me to be?”

And you sigh and rub you’re temple. You can’t believe the fact that you’re actually considering this. It’s like the captain knows about your massive crush and is totally using it against you.

“I – well I – I’m not sure if I’ll like it.” You reply, fidgeting with the watch that has been strapped on your wrist.

HE sighs yet again (AGAIN) and says-

“Well, you’ll never know if you won’t try, I can give you a test run if you’d like.”

“Well uhh-“

“There are no girls on the team; we genuinely want people who think that girls can’t make it onto the team to change their mind-set.”

OK if anything can convince you, its woman empowerment, so you nod, and try to convince yourself that this is you’re part of showing support; and that watching hot sweaty guys (read: Choi Jongho)  play volleyball was just a plus side.

“Great, tomorrow, Gym, after school.”

And he leaves.

Where does he think he is in? High school musical?

“Tomorrow, Gym, after school” you mimic as you resume packing your stuff.

.

.

.

The school was empty and it was something you haven’t experienced before, other than the club people there was pin drop silence in the corridors, when you passed by the basketball court you could hear the aggressive squeaking and bouncing.

You had never really stayed behind after school, except that one time your whole class had failed on a test and all of you had to stay back for extra classes. But it was noisy then.

When you entered the gym, you spot Jongho and the captain talking. And once the captain notices you he smirks. The captain is evil, you think.

“So I thought you weren’t joining?”  He asks as he walks up to you.

You angrily mutter-

“Well, yeah, I’m here to watch”

You realise that you don’t know the captains name.

The captain chuckles and as he’s walking past you, you grab his arm and ask him.

“I didn’t get your name…”

“I can tell it to you if you join the team”

“I can ask someone here” you tighten the grip on his hand.

“….. Song Mingi”

You hum and let him go; he caresses his wrist, where red marks your tight hold of his hand.

“Oh don’t be so smug” he tells you.

“If anything it tells me you have good grip; that just makes me want you in the team so~ much more than the last time”

You poke your tongue out at him, because you’re a mature human being and walk towards the bleachers.

And after an hour of watching them play, you’ve gathered nothing.

All you think is that volleyball is cool. It makes the players look cool; and sure all of them are eye candy, but you’re eyes draw to Jongho more times than you would like to admit.

You can’t help it, the boy’s expression when he’s half crouched and waiting for actions makes you shiver, his hair sticking to his forehead, beads of sweat trickling down the sides of his neck, the slight exposure of his skin when he jumps or serves.

And you can’t get started on the guy’s thighs.

And you lied; the whole half of the game your eyes were trained on him, your mouth slightly agape as you watch him.

And if you knew you would have stopped, it was only when you were admiring Jongho drinking water that the captain- Song Mingi- decides to interrupt you.

You were in the middle of watching him gulp down water; sometimes he aggressively detaches the bottle from his mouth and takes sharp gulps of air before immediately bringing it back to his lips and gulping, and the water sometimes escapes from the corners of his mouth and-

Your soul has left your body, and you’re definitely drooling, and as you shuffle to get a more comfortable position and a better view, you feel a tap at your shoulder.

You shrug it off as being stupid, sometimes a hair moves a tiny inch on your body and your convinced it’s a spider, maybe it’s one of those times, and spider be damned, you’re looking at Choi Jongho in all his sweaty glory.

But then someone says-

“Like the view?”

And you startle backwards and see Mingi in stitches.

You look at him un-amused as he finishes up laughing, and once he’s done you want to hit him, but the thing is you have self-control. What you don’t have control over is how you want to stop watching some guy laughing and continue to stare at Jongho like he’s some interesting movie.

So you do exactly that only to find Jongho is dead on staring at you too, and you startle backwards yet again, hand flying towards your chest and hastily look away. And you can hear Mingi laughing again, then you look u to take a peek to see Jongho jogging up to you.

He’s panting and breathless and he smells like sweat, but he still manages to look drop dead gorgeous, he bends over hands on his knees and asks

“So…. Like volleyball yet?”

And he’s panting between his words; so it’s only kind enough to-

“Would you like some water?”

He nods, so you hand him your bottle and avert your eyes while he drinks, because they guy is right in front of you, and you don’t want to do anything stupid.

He hands you the bottle when he’s done,  swipes the back of his hand to get rid of the water that has clung to his lips and you’re eyes linger there more than necessary.

“So…?” he asks. Here he goes again with the cryptic speaking, you resist the urge to roll your eyes and you ask-

“So….?”

He sighs like he’s done with you and asks-

“So how do you like volleyball?”

“Oh... Umm its cool I guess, but I don’t think I can do all that- it looks hard”

“It’s a matter of practice”

“I don’t know”

“Maybe you shouldn’t join, if you’re this uncomfortable”

And you felt a pang of disappointment at that, as if you’ve let him down.

“I can try… to play- I mean”

He looks at you for a few moments and says-

“Great, be there tomorrow after school on the tracks; captain said I can train you”

He flashes a smile at you- gums and all, waves and hurry back to the game.

Something that caused you’re stomach to flutter was that he waved alright, walking backwards while you waved and smiled back, all the way to the centre of the gym until he hit the pole and sheepishly rubbed his head, waved one last time and let the game take over.

.

.

. 

The next day after school, you were in an empty track. You thought the track team would be there, but there was no one except Jongho and you.

You were told to run, and do all sorts of crazy exercises that you didn’t even know the name of. It was safe to say you were making demonic breathing noises through the whole ordeal, taking way too many water breaks and you looked far too messed up then you usually are. The uncomfortable feeling of sweat causing your clothes to cling to your body, and sweat trickling down the sides of your neck, was in fact not that uncomfortable. Quite the opposite; it was satisfactory, you think you look cool like those sports people in the ads, until you caught your reflection at a glass door and decided to not look again, and either way, you wouldn’t exercise for hours and NOT sweat.

And Jongho? He was pushing you through the whole thing, telling you what to do, how to do, basically training you; you haven’t even learnt one volleyball trick.

And you think this is hard.

Very hard.

But on the not so bright side, this time around you couldn’t stare at Jongho, every time he comes close; your heart does palpations, every time his skin comes in contact with yours, the warm sticky feeling made your stomach do summersaults.

And this continued on for a week. Yes, you, the most talented person when it comes to not doing any physical activity, did crazy exercise routines with a ball for Choi fucking Jongho, there’s no denying at this point. Even though you won’t voice it to him, Choi Jongho better be grateful or you’re going to die.

On the bright side, you and the team captain have been hanging out a lot lately, talking over coffees and homework and subtle smiles in corridors. And you voice it to him one day, of how Jongho should be grateful, because you can’t move your body.

“I must have been right to send Jongho to ask you then?” He says with a smug smile.

And you angrily mutter threats that hold no meaning and look away.

.

.

.

Even though it’s only been a month of training, and they want you to play.

And you’ve put all you’re arguments out on the table, and the team has shot all of them down as if it were that easy. But the whole idea of playing for the team, on a real match that counts, makes your gut churn and twist and tighten all at the same time.

And once all the members left, you see Jongho from the corner of your eye, sit next to you.

You feel his long, slender fingers rubbing you’re shoulder, probably for a soothing effect, that actually made the butterflies to flap and you didn’t really need that will all the churning, twisting and tightening happening down there.

And he says

“Calm down, ok” And you nod, but your attempts to calm down are useless, uneasiness clinging on to you.

Jongho sighs, and by now spending one month with him, you have noticed how he sighs a lot. In the past one moth, you both have been hanging out every chance you get, besides training.

It was really more calming, if you overlook the feelings on your side. Being with Jongho was calming, and knowing yourself, you usually are too busy trying to make memories you forget to live in the moment. But when you were with Jongho, you were pulled into the moment, in fact you were so into the moment, you haven’t even thought about making it a memory. And the plus side is you remember everything that happened when you’re with him. More than that there is this creeping feeling of how attached you’re growing to him that you will away for now.

One thing that makes your heart flutter every time is when he leaves, he walks backward, waving to you all the while, until he hits a pole, tree, human, pillar, or any object, then waves on last time and leaves.

.

.

.

You lost.

Great

You feel this intense mixture of dread and guilt.

It’s sad, it’s your first match but you’ve managed to lose for your team, because the other team could tell your inexperience, and even though you and Jongho had worked on your legs trembling while playing, you couldn’t control it out there.

There were people watching you so everything you did was a mess, every thrust was weaker than you thought, every opportunity was a lost one

You wanted to tell the team I told you so, but they didn’t look so bummed out, Mingi said some bullshit speech about how the team tried its best and it’s all about having fun anyways…

He also told you to take it easy.

But you felt like you were swallowing shards of glass, and breathing in iron fillings and as soon as the team left you could hold you’re tears back anymore, and it hurt because you were excited, and if it were not for you the team could have easily won, and you felt as if you shouldn’t have agreed to join in the first place, damn you Choi Jongho.

But really damn him; because he sat next to you and then one look at him was all it took for you to break down into sobs and he pulled you toward him, your face was snuggled up into his chest. And you were painfully stiff at first, until he started stroking you’re hair and whispering how its ok and how he’s proud of you and how you did well, and how everyone is proud of you and as you continued crying you were relaxing into his hold, which was stirring up warmth and you sobbed into his shirt for a really long time.

And when you were finally done, you looked up at him, and he was very close, like very, nose touching kind of close and you weren’t able to do anything but stare with wide eyes.

And was he getting closer?

And then there was no more distance between the both of you as a pair of lips captured yours, and at first your eyes were open and looking at Jongho’s closed ones, and soon enough he grew impatient and began prodding at your lips and you closed your eyes and kissed him back. Your heart was beating very fast, you wanted to swallow, but can you? Like is it allowed to swallow in a kiss, and it was painfully quiet all around you, until Jongho pulled away with a drawn out breath .You didn’t even have time to open your eyes, as a pair of lips part at your neck and he leaves open mouth kisses along the length of you neck, you hiss as he sucks particularly hard at a spot. He guides you to half lie down on the bench as he attacks your neck, and he scrapes his teeth along the attacked area and your hand shoots out to his shoulder, and he continues littering soft kisses and apologetic swipes of his tongue to sooth the pain. And soon enough he was back to sucking and nosing at your neck, and your grip on his shoulder tightens as you let out little mewls of satisfaction, at one point Jongho grunts and pulls away.

And you lie there and Jongho is back straddling you . His face hovers just above your ear, he says-

“I’m going to take you on a date and then we’re continuing this.” And it was so low and so husky that you can’t help the sound that gets past your lips.

He nips at your ear and crawls away from you.

You groan and cover your face in embarrassment before you say-

“Ok, let’s go on a date” And when you finally look at him, he’s beaming at you, and its blinding.

.

.

.

Your date was mostly looking at each other and you looking away every five seconds, giggling and then blushing.

And you were halfway through you’re drinks when you suddenly exclaim.

“I should lose more volleyball matches if I’m going to end up with really hot dates”

And Jongho looks at you with a pointed glare and asks

“Really?”

And you hum

And before you know it he was right in front of you, lips nipping at your ear again, and he says-

“No more volleyball for you”

And you giggle AGAIN, and he smiles at you. And you have got a good feeling about this, whatever you have got going on with Jongho.

.

.

Peter Pan would show up at the Darling’s house, and then would whisk away Wendy and her brother’s. You like to think that Mingi shows up too, every night, without fail and take you and only you away.

They would marvel at the world below them, you and Mingi would steer through the world that worked against you; you’d like to just sit in a closed off place and talk about the evils of the world, more interested than disturbed, marvelling at the possibility of how the world could be so cruel.

Do you know why Peter Pan and Captain Hook were enemies? He cut off his hand. You sometimes think Mingi was mischievous in a cruel way like that, like how Peter Pan would go around cutting People’s hand for no apparent reason, Mingi would spread chaos where he went too.

They would fly to the star and enter Neverland, where in Peter pan Neverland is a place where mythical creatures and our character’s live, with amazing twists, your Neverland was filled with peaceful quiet, getting into that car of his and driving to another different closed off place either of you found and just basking in the peace of existing in a place filled with evil. Your Neverland was monochrome, not colourful, dull and peaceful, quiet, filled with the smell of cigarette ash, filled with empty soda cans and takeout food, filled with the smell of leather. Your Neverland only had two people, you and Mingi. Your Neverland was always in the night, while Peter Pan’s Neverland was day, yours was night, filled with the gentle hum of night breeze and calmness, filled with quiet talks and murmurs,  stolen glances,  radiating warmth,  droopy eyelids and air con.

Peter Pan in the end belongs to Neverland, he would come out and play with ordinary children and show them his not-so ordinary world. You felt exactly like that, Mingi would take you to his beautiful world, where just one sentence he utters can make you question everything you believed in, Mingi’s un-ordinary world was filled with sayings and quotes, opinions and debates, writings that make you lose sleep for days, but it was like a drug, you can never get enough of it. Maybe it was more compelling, because you’ve never seen anything like it before.

There was a part of the book that you really liked, it was when Peter Pan’s shadow was torn off, so miss darling rolled it away and kept it in a drawer, and when he returned Wendy stitched it for him. You think you took care of Mingi like that, you’d do anything he asked, would go high and low for him, ask him to show you the extraordinary of his world and sit there and slowly die for him, slowly evaporate into a world of unrealism. Neverland was fictional for a reason.

Neverland, you’d like to think is a metaphor for youth, a place for youth, filled with youth, and people who weren’t? They don’t belong there, you don’t belong there.

Peter Pan forgot Wendy within time, in a place filled with youth, surrounded by youth, why would Peter Pan want Wendy? She was left behind and forgotten, in the house with a dog for a house maid. And a person who made the world seems younger, why would he need you?

Peter Pan is ever young and so is his world, how does Wendy belong there?

Like Wendy you were forgotten, left behind in this ordinary world, only left to remembering what it was like, to have a boy who refused to age whisk you away into extraordinary void of unrealism. Peter Pan is known as evil for a reason.

Peter Pan is called a psychopath for a reason.

He gave kids a metamorphic heaven and let them spend time there along with him and then shut the door on their faces.

You might have heard the less dark version of Peter Pan as a kid, people have heard the nicer version of how you and Mingi drifted away, but no one but you knew the pain, the amount of days you spent holed up in four walls of misery, wanting to visit your Neverland, wanting to visit your Peter Pan.

You’d never see the world turn young in his presence; you’d never see how dull grey streets merged together like black charcoal and paper to create a beautiful drawing. You’d never see the cynical things he’d do, the cynical things that you too, now seem to want to do, you’d never navigate the evil of the world together. You’d never see thoughts that had so complex meaning behind them; the confusion appears in your dreams.

It hurt more that you were forgotten, waiting at the window every day for him to fly in and take you away, but he never shows up, not anymore.

But you’ve picked yourself up, something that keeps you going is the bizarre, dream like adventures you’ve went on, the feeling that you were floating, the feeling that he has pulled you along with him to his land, it keeps you going. You despise yourself for going on in life because of him, when the reason you stopped for a while was him. But it’s not like they can blame you, the once stranger that has made so much impact on your life, showed you your Neverland that wouldn’t exist without him, a place where there was eternal freedom, was taken away from you, the person who you spent days falling in love with also slowly drifted away.

And after it was all done, you slowly slip in and butt into a conversation about slippers with Mingi and Jongho, completely oblivious to what the others were talking about because, you’d be damned if furry slippers weren’t the cosiest.

You’d been so absorbed into the conversation, you think at one point you’re spoon full of food hit your cheek but you merely brushed it away, before you tell Mingi that boots are absurd.

You were in the middle of telling Mingi and Jongho that it  was unfair they get to argue, since they have never worn heels, when a warm hand envelopes yours, and you falter a bit mid-rant, before finishing your sentence and discreetly looking at San, who was engaged in a conversation with Yeosang. And you stare at him until he looks at you and you give him the scariest looking glare you can muster and he just smirks and turns away.

You’ve been a relationship with San for a month now, but you both haven’t got around to telling the seven oblivious idiots sitting around you, and if someone bends down to pick something up, they’ll definitely see your hands together and freak out. Maybe the thrill of it, the exciting feeling of maybe getting caught and finally stop acting is the reason why you thread your fingers back and squeeze, to which San might have chocked.

And you continue the rest of dinner with both of your hands entangled and casually playing with each other’s fingers and rings. You only part when you made Mingi and Jongho agree to go shopping for heels, so that the debate can be fair. Nobody noticed the holding hands though and you briefly wonder when these idiots are going to find out, you’ll have to tell them yourselves this way, but where’s the fun in that?

And you leave the dorm and San walks you home, hand still held in his and he kisses you goodbye.

---

Mingi and Jongho were very reluctant when you showed up the next day enthusiastically and dragged their sorry asses out of bed to buy different kinds of shoes. What you mean by different kinds of shoes are heals for the boys, you yourself have never worn heels, but what they don’t know can’t hurt them and either way it’s not like they look at your feet every day to see what you’re wearing.

And you get in the car and drag San along too, since it’s only fair to have a referee who isn’t biased. Ok, so maybe San is biased towards you, that’s exactly why you brought him here.

And you enter the shoe store and politely refuse the clerk who asks if you need help. You’re not letting marketing strategies cloud your judgements and stray further from you’re debate that you intend to win.

Yes, this is that serious.

Jongho an Mingi were browsing through heels and you were browsing through boots, the plan was to pick a pair of boots, heels, fuzzy slippers and converse and buy the same one but different sizes that suite all of you.

And you look at all the boots lined up and gulp.

Time to pick, one of the hardest things to do.

And when your eyes were scanning the selection of boots, and you didn’t really find anything eye-catching when familiar warmth engulfed your hand. And it was a relief in the overly air conditioned store and you shuffle backwards towards the source of warmth, and lean onto his body, he noses at the crook of your neck and you both giggle, you continue browsing through boots and finally pick one, and then you move forward to pick converse tops and walk through the isles holding hands and peeking at each other, Jongho and Mingi were in some other part of the store, and you’re lucky they haven’t seen you both yet, or are you?

Finally all of you are done buying shoes and you drive back home, and as Mingi and Jongho shuffle out of the car, San leans over from the driver’s side and gives you a peck, which goes un noticed by the idiots now waiting for you to get out to test the shoes. You glare pointedly at San who gives you a cheeky grin and you suddenly want to peck him too, but you reluctantly get out the car and wave him goodbye.

Besides, you have an argument to win.

---

Nobody won the argument in the end, converse high won in the end, it was oddly flexible and fit, and everyone went back home sulky.

Today was movie night and everyone was scattered around the couch most of them were pushed onto the floor, and Mingi was out like a light.

San was holding your hand again, and you were leaning onto his shoulder, snuggling into his warm body, and you whisper to him.

“When are these idiots finally going to notice?” He leans closer to your ear and says,

“Who knows?”                                  

You hum and turn back to the movie. But soon enough you were bored, and you turn to San and say-

“Can we like, make-out right now?”

He gapes at you, wide eyed and blinks.

“Can I ask why?” You shift uncomfortably, this has been on your mind for a while, what if you and San never get around to telling the others and it’s too late and they get hurt, don’t these idiots deserve to know? What if you’re playing a bit too much for a reaction that you might not get?

“Want them to notice, I guess?”

He coos at you as you voice out your worry, and by the end of it you’re distressed, there might be tears at the corner of your eyes.

Thankfully San whispers sweet reassurances and then when he deemed you reassured enough, he decides to change the mood.

“We could fuck right here and they’d barely notice” He wiggles his eyebrows and leans closer.

“Just admit you’re horny.”

You groan and roll your eyes, before you can respond, San grabs your chin, and his lips clash onto yours, your arms circle round his neck and you move onto his lap, despite being accused of being horny, which you were, you were actually curious if they would notice, or you could confirm their lack of brain cells and eyesight, maybe even their ability to hear, considering the noises you might be making. And you try to peek, but you were facing the other way, practically straddling San, so all you could see was his large dumb face. You break the kiss for a second to look around, but no one has even batted an eye from the screen, Jongho and Yeosang were gaping at the television, taking turns to grab the popcorn from the bowl that was fixed between them, Mingi was on the floor sprawled like a starfish, knocked out. Seonghwa had his head resting on Hongjoong’s shoulder and his eyes were glossed over from whatever was on the screen. Yunho and Wooyoung were animatedly talking, with hand gestures and stuff; you groan and deflate into San’s shirt.

San sighs and says,

“If I hadn’t known you better, I would have thought you have a public-sex kink”

You hit his arm, but your hand more like flopped on top of his shoulder and rested there.

You hide your face at his shoulder and whine.

San sighs yet again before he tells you to get off his laugh because you’re “heavy” and asks Jongho to pass the remote. You cross your arms across your chest; admittedly a little hurt and look away.

Jongho spews a lot of threats, threats that he will take action on if San changes the show.

San replies with how he isn’t wearing his glasses and he just wants to adjust the brightness for his sensitive eyes, Jongho makes sure everyone, except Mingi, knows that San is the one with the remote and finally hands it to him.

And instead of adjusting the brightness, he grabs you by the waist and pulls you onto his lap, you were too stunned to close your eyes and he crashes his lips onto yours, literally, and you watch as he grabs the remote and dramatically press the power button.

Oh, Ohhhh. Realisation dawns on you, and you finally close your eyes and relax into the kiss, as San’s name was being yelled and protests were being thrown for the television being switched off, and total silence was followed after that, and finally you hear the chaos.

“Yeah, Choi San, you’re taking her innocence away”

You hear someone snort and say “She doesn’t have any innocence to be taken”

“ARE YOU GUYS DATING”

“ARE YOU GUYS KISSING”

“What?”

“WHAT?”

“WHAT IS HAPPENING”

“STOP MAKING OUT”

“WE DON’T WANNA SEE THAT”

“NOOOOOOOOOO!”

“PLEASE DON’T HAVE SEX HERE”

And you finally pull away from the grin that has grown onto your face. And then you wave like you’re on a TV show and drag San away with you and let them die from curiosity. But you San isn’t that cold-hearted, he tugs at your wrist near the doorway, and he pouts, you sigh.

“Fine”

“SHE’S MY GIRLFREIND, WE’VE BEEN TRYING TO SHOW YOU THAT FOR A MONTH!” he screams and you wince at how loud that was.

This of course caused more chaos on the other side.

No one says anything for a while except for the occasional exclamation of disbelief

Finally, Hongjoong asks “Why can’t you tell us that like normal people”

“WHERE IS THE FUN IN THAT?”

“YOU’RE NOT READY TO TELL US, SO YOU SHOW US?” asks Jongho.

“WHO SAYS WE WEREN’T READY TO TELL YOU?”

.

.

Now on the couch both legs on either side of his body, you were straddling him, his hand comes to grip your nape; holding you in place and you lean even closer the other hand that is around your waist pulls you closer to him. His shirt was riding up and you push it further up, fingers ghosting over the flesh of his stomach.

You finally close the distance between both of you, in light, small, occasionally breaking kisses, that get hard, and deeper and deeper, and he sucks your bottom lip hard. You think you’re making all kinds of noises that you can’t keep at bay, Joong is too; you don’t care, it’s one of those rare moments where you get the house to yourselves.

You really can’t get past the thought this feels so good. You’re not to blame; he deactivates your brain sometimes.

Minutes pass maybe, you don’t know, you’re out of breath and you pull away, and as soon as you get a few gulps of air, his lips are back on yours again, and there is something warm about this kiss.

Warm, warm , warm; his skin was warm, his skin was hot, and the clothes you’re wearing suddenly feel warm too, it’s a slow paced kiss, mouths moving together slowly, almost lazy, dragging, teasing, not too much, the sensation makes your eyes droop.

He smells really good, like the cinnamon drink he has way too much, it’s this unexplainable boyish scent that drives you over the edge.

You really like it when you let your tongue trace his teeth, rows and rows of teeth, does that make sense, and you don’t even know at this point, he starts to laugh when you don’t stop running your tongue over his teeth.

And you had to pull away to laugh too.

You stare at each other for a while before reconnecting your lips in a soft, sweet kiss, it’s the type that makes you feel all warm inside and outside, the ones that often make you cry, because of the many emotions packed behind this one gesture. But today you don’t have the time to cry, because the bastard just bit you lip, and he runs his tongue over the area where he did, as if apologising and then sucked your bottom lip; hard, again.

Something about that drives you over the moon, and your hand is all tangled up in locks of his hair, and you tug at it, he groans in response, and kisses deeper, more passionately and there’s something borderline dangerous and static dancing around the air, and you’re wondering if you should take this to the room, when the door opens, and something falls to the ground, you pull back in response, trying to look past all the hair covering your eyes, when suddenly Joong groans and pulls you down by the neck again.

Whoever it is, they would be gone by now, probably to give you privacy, that you deserve. That is when you hear the crinkle of what is definitely plastic bags and then several items clunking to the ground, but Joong still has his arm around your neck, and you’re not particularly fond of the idea of pulling away anyway; and you hear the process being repeated and you finally sit up, crawl away from Hongjoong, suddenly missing the warmth; and move all the hair from your face to see Woo, grabbing plastic bags filled with groceries, and dropping them and repeating the process while dead on staring at you, and the action is so ‘Woo-ish’ that you burst out laughing and Hongjoong finally; finally cranes his neck to see what Woo has been doing, an tries to laugh, but it came out more of as a strangled noise, probably realises the trouble he’s in.

And you throw the bat next to you with as much force as you can. As the plastic hits the tiled floor, all of them look up. Silence, that’s what you get. The living room becomes so silent it’s almost deafening.

Suddenly you’re aware that you had no exact plan on what to say, and you feel the heat rushing to your cheeks.

 But you didn’t do that for nothing, so you clear your throat and-

“I’d appreciate it if you keep the noise down, or just leave and make noise elsewhere-”

Your voice trembles at the next part, out of anger or disgust, you don’t really know.

“-and DO. NOT. SLAM. THE. DOORS . Got it? EVER.”

You look up when you hear your brother laughing. The audacity of that fucker-

“Woo, I think she bout to commit murder, quit it-“

You heard a familiar voice saying-

“No she’s too innocent for that-“

And that’s it, you lose it, like lose it lose it. And you take the bat and slam it onto him, throughout which his friends were howling with laughter and somewhat cheering for you. A shit eating grin formed at your face at that.

“Yah, stop it.”

You feel arms wrap around your waist and pull you back and pull you back onto the couch, it was Hongjoong.

“Maybe we should calm you down with some water.”

“Yeah, give her some water, crazy bear woman” Your brother angrily mutters, rubbing the sore spot where you hit him particularly good.

Hongjoong grabs you by the elbow, and guides you to the kitchen; you turn around to childishly poke your tongue out at your brother, and catch Yunho’s knowing smirk and wink while you’re at it. At that your cheeks heat up and you duck your head down so no one (read: Woo) won’t catch it.

You sit on the counter as Hongjoong fills a glass with water and hands it to you. You take it and as you look at him you know there’s more coming.

“Damn babe, didn’t know that you had it in you.”

You sigh and take a sip.

“Well, you know I absolutely loathe people who slam doors, why’d you let them do that?”

“It’s not like I have powers to freeze people, and even if I did, I’d like to try and see it work against Choi Jongho”

Oh. You didn’t know that it was Jongho who slammed it, you were planning on screaming at the person who did as soon as you got the info from Hongjoong, but now you’ve changed your mind.

As if he could read your thoughts, Hongjoong giggles and then bursts out laughing. It was too much for you to keep in and you joined along.

When it was over, you breathed in the comfort of the silence that washed over the both of you, it felt like the first breath you take when it starts snowing, fresh, cold and crisp. Somehow, that  makes you think of fish, but before your brain could go to that, you think about the time when everything changed between you and Hongjoong.

You met him before your brother could introduce you. A really cute guy who had just moved back from abroad. You guys had already gone out on a couple of dates, had (kind of) steamy  make-out sessions, held hands, all in a span of a week. And you really had liked him.

But then on a not so fine day, your brother called you and introduced you to his new- not so new friend, Hongjoong. They knew each other from childhood, you couldn’t remember, you were too young. Shame, you thought and after that you both agreed that you should stop whatever it is before it gets too far so that this way it doesn’t get too messy and Woo doesn’t get involved, less drama, etc. It wasn’t like they were that close anyways .But the more you hung out the more you liked him, and for the record, you thought it was one-sided.

Things don’t always work out the way you want it to though, and soon enough you guys agreed to secretly date and tell your brother when you were ready. That happened about a year ago. Your peace was shattered when Seonghwa walked in, carrying a plastic bag, most probably trash, since he was wearing that look when he’s annoyed at everybody for making a mess.

“What you got there, Hwa?” You ask to poke fun at him.

“You boyfriend’s dick”

You laughed hard at that, about the same time Hongjoong barked out an exclamatory ‘hey!’

You knew he was just pretending to be mad though, or else he would have gone quiet, or laughed along with you awkwardly.

“Better be back soon, Woo’ll get suspicious” Seonghwa says.

“I wanna stay here a bit longer, say we broke a glass and now we’re cleaning up”

You grabbed the abandoned glass which was on the counter and raised it.

“Whoa, calm down babe-”

Says Hongjoong as he grabs the glass and places it back on the counter.

“I’m sure Hwa can come up with something good”

But the expression Hwa was making could not be trusted, so you grabbed the glass again-

“I ain’t having any of that. Look at his face; he’ll put us through shit.”

And you raise it over your head once again, prepared to hear the shattering .But then Hongjoong coaxes it out of your hand, rinses it out and places it on the rack to dry.

“I’m pretty sure you need snack refills, right? Bring the bowls; we’ll fill it up while we talk”

Hongjoong says to Hwa, and Hwa dumps the bag and its contents into the trash can ,nods and walks out to grab the bowls.

Hongjoong raises an eyebrow at you. OK, so you might have gotten a bit carried away.

You shrug and sheepishly smile in response. Hwa comes back with bowls, and sets it down.

“Be back soon, Woo’s starting up a new round, you coming?”

He asks you, you nod.

Hwa lingers, hesitation clear on his face-

“Do you- I mean when are you going to tell Woo about... you know-?”

Honestly, you  don’t know

When both of you were silent for a while, Hwa scratched the back of his neck

“I’m sorry, I didn't mean to pry-“

You share an affirmative look with Hongjoong and say

“We don’t know”

“Oh well, umm… I’ll be gone now-“

With that he was gone.

You fiddle with your fingers and look down, Hongjoong grabs one of your fingers which have formed a hook, with a finger hook of his own, and now you’re pulling and tugging, grinning at each other, by the end of it, you let him win (read: he won).

And suddenly Hongjoong snaps his head up-

“I have an idea”

“Go on”

“We got to tell Woo one day or the other, I mean he’ll find out one way or the other, right?”

You hum.

“Let’s tell him now?”

He asks. You were caught off-guard, usually you’re the one who comes up with on the spot plans which are abrupt and random, and Hongjoong is more thought out and formulated. Either way, you were on board with this idea. But your confusion must have seemed as disapproval to him as he rambled off about how it’s okay if you’re not ready and how he can wait.

“I mean, I just thought it’d be better if we tell Woo, than keep it for later and then he somehow finds out, I don’t want him to feel bad-“

You stifle laughter and say

“Okay”

“Huh?”

“We should do it, I think the others will be surprised we have the guts to tell him.”

“Yeah…” He trailed off.

You grab his cheeks and squish them together.

“And, duh- I wanna spend more time with you”

You feel his restrained cheeks widen at that and you let them go.

“So how we gon’ do this?” you ask.

“Let’s just go with the flow?”

He asks and you jump off the counter and grab his hand and drag him behind you. You feel the nervous swooping of your gut acting up. You breathe a little quicker, and you remember that you haven't refilled the snacks yet, but you don't want to go back, too late now anyways.

You feel your gut pang at your stomach when you’re in front of Woo, who pointedly ignores Hongjoong and your intertwined hands.

“Where are the snacks?” After seeing your serious expression, he puts the deck of UNO cards down and asks

“What’s wrong?”

You look back at Hongjoong and raise your eyebrows in a silent question.

‘Who’s doing this?’

He holds out five fingers and counts down.

Together

“We’re dating”

“I like your sister”

Silence, the deafening type.

“What?” Woo chokes out.

“Me and Joongie, we’re dating, Woo. We have been for a while.”

“How long?” he asks, with an emotion you can’t make out on his face.

“’bout a year” replies Hongjoong quietly.

Woo stands up and you shut your eyes tightly, not wanting to see what happens next.

“Excuse me” and he brushes past the both of you. For some reason that hurt more than an outburst. You can hear people trying to comfort you; you can pick Hongjoong’s out of them all. But you’re not letting this happen; Woo’ll do everything in his power to ignore you both, until he’s ready. But you need him to not misunderstand. You gently push them away, and open your shut eyes.

“I have to talk to him”

“Don’t you think you should give him some space?” San says.

“No.”

You tell Hongjoong that you need to do this alone and that he can talk to Woo later, or if he prefers, they both can try again later and you go upstairs. You expect the door to be locked shut, and since this was Woo, he probably would have several more locks placed and the whole thing chained up, like you see in those cartoons. But the door was open, wide enough to see that Woo was sitting on his bed, head in between his knees, slumped into the wall.

You crawl up to him and then poke him annoyingly at his shoulder, the way that always gets him riled up; you haven’t really thought this through.

“I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean to fall in love with your best friend, I’m really sorry. Don’t be mad at Joongie, you don’t really know how much he values you as a friend, or maybe you do, it’s really precious-“

“You think I’m mad at you guys for dating?” His head is still between his knees, but you could make the words out, barely.

“Well, I guess-“

He suddenly raises his head and thumps it against the wall, and winces. your hand shoots towards the back of his head, and you apply pressure to ease the pain.

“I -” he pauses. You encourage him by telling him to take his time.

After a good while of you tensely waiting and rubbing his head and him breathing in and out, way too loud for your liking, he opens his mouth.

“I mean I’ve always seen the way he looks at you; I never thought he’d go after you”

“I knew him before you introduced me, you know?”

“What?”

“Yeah, so we went on dates for a week and then you told me he was your friend, and you only bring special friends home. Also you guys knew each other since you were young, so we didn’t want to come in between that and broke it off.”

“Then?”

“It didn’t work…. I really liked him, I really love him.”

You hear him sigh.

“I’m mad because we’re so close. Both of you mean a lot to me, and why didn’t you tell me? why didn’t you trust me? Do I mean nothing to you?”

“Woo, do you know how afraid we were. You mean a lot to us too, it’s just we were going into an unknown territory of feelings; I didn’t know what to do and- it’s hard to tell the truth to people whose opinion matter. And yours definitely did, since we love you and care about you”

He nods and then he shoots a smile at you, but it falters as soon as it came.

“The others, they knew didn’t they? Didn’t their opinions also matter? Were you bullshitting me?” There were tears in his eyes now. You gently wiped them away with you thumb and tell him-

“We were caught by them actually, they caught us doing- doing stuff?”

“STUFF?!”

“Shhhhh, just kissing and stuff don’t freak out”

His eyes were comically wide and his face became red. “Oh come on, we’ve been dating for a year and a half.”

He sighs and tells you that this isn’t over; you tuck a strand of hair behind your ear and hold out your hand, “so we cool?”

“I guess….wait! Where’s your so-called boyfriend? I have to talk to him.” You groan but nonetheless drag a confused and question spewing Hongjoong in and then you were dragged out and not allowed to take part in their conversation, not even as a spectator.

But later that night, Hongjoong tells you about the ridiculous rules your brother has set and the heart to heart conversation they had and you in turn told him you part. Then later on the couch, both of you connected your lips together in a sweet tingly kiss, which left lingering warmth and the promise of tomorrow in, and you fell asleep on top of each other.

You woke up in the morning in your room with no Hongjoong, only to find out you were separated by Woo.