i am not romanticizing e#ting disorders. i support recovery 100%. this is my vent blog/coping space, so please do not take it away from me. if you do not have an e#ting disorder then LEAVE. shoo, cβmon. anyone with an e#ting disorder is welcome to stay.
Disclaimer: do NOT message me if all you are going to ask for are weight loss tips. i am not gatekeeping them, it is just not as easy as it seems and my weight loss has had huge ups and downs over the years, and to get through this weight loss caused me a lot of permanent damages. i will not share βweight loss tipsβ that will result in someone possibly dying as i simply do not wish to hold such responsibility.
you hold responsibility over yourself β thatβs it.
DNI if you are: homophobic, transphobic, sexist, racist, an ana coach, non-ed blog (unless it is your second blog and i already know you).
had to gain back until 60kg as i was under a health/death scare. at the moment, i still canβt fully recover, but i am practicing as much harm reduction as i can. was in active recovery from oct 2022 β jan 2023 (my fifth attempt), until got triggered back into disordered habits. at the moment, i am on βweekly eating disorder observationβ at the local clinic. i am struggling with: hypotension, edema, osteoarthritis, insomnia, acute gastritis, and more. i really do wish one day to get better as the life i am living right now could be easily compared to a nightmare, but sadly, i do not have the right resources and support. harm reduction has helped me a lot though with quitting b/p, and to not do severe restrictions.
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hey, guys. iβll get straight to it. my health went up and down for these past years, and i realized fuck this. i wanna finish uni and live a life with my bf and get a cat, and travel all over the world, and etc. i am still very disordered and hella need help both mentally and physically, but i decided to make this important step and log off this account for my own sake. honestly meeting my bf genuinely saved my life and i dont wanna disappoint him or give up on a potential chance of being happy. iβve longed for happiness for so long, and i am tired of resisting help and being miserable. a weird part of my brain still romanticizes my own suffering, but iβm willing to give everything another try. iβve been losing eyesight, lost ability to exercise, canβt play tennis anymore, can barely keep food down after eating, and developed so many conditions which are just ridiculous to have at the age of 19. i think the worst ones are kidney damage and osteoarthritis. now, every evening my hands and feet get sooo swelled up, and i am in so much pain, and all bcz my kidneys canβt pass water out of my body how they should. the doctor said to me months ago that if i stop purging it should stabilize, but it hasnβt even tho i am purge free for months now, so i gotta come back again and possibly be hospitalized bcz of this shit.
to all of my mutuals, i want yall to know that ily and it was a pleasant time for as long as it lasted. also, i really pray for all of you to stay as safe as you guys can <3 harm reduction all the way!!
well.. i guess this is a goodbye.
i might still browse sometimes silently, but no more posts. and ill try to not interact at all. letβs see how this goes.
i basically avoided like 3 calls from the eating disorder clinic for the past week telling me to show up because i had unintentional weight loss, and today i stepped on the scale after having a fucking vegan burger and a veggie pizza, and my weight was legit the same as in the morning fuck fuck fuck one time i need it to go up aaa
good news is that i convinced them i canβt come cuz it is my boyfriendβs momβs birthday, so they moved it again to tomorrow but the nurse who never met me will be doing the weight check. imma just eat loads during the birthday dinner and hopefully the trick works cuz if it doesnβt it means for the past 4-5 visits all i bring is weight loss and theyβll def grow even more sus of me
No matter how skinny you wanna be babies do not open that pack of cigarettes.
The coughing isnt worth it
The bad breath isnt worth it
Cancer isnt worth it
Your head is already spinning why smoke it up with withdrawal too?
I know cigs and skinny go together aesthetically but there are other ways to supress your appetite. Throw a handfull of Dill in your salad. Start a chore that keeps you preoccupied and distracted.
But i beg all of you for the clean air in your beautiful skinny lungs- drink your monsters and throw away the cigs.
this is so true. i smoked for 2 years, and i have officially quit 5 months ago, and when i tell you i feel so much better. withdrawals and cravings still hit sometimes, but no, fuck that. also, smoking used to only make me feel nauseous instead of suppressing appetite. if you really want to suppress it β do it through black coffee or bunch of tea. i see some people commenting sugar-free monsters but the energy drinks also started to catch up with me and cause very severe heart palpations, so be careful. stay safe, all of you xx
so, i finally got a call today from the other eating disorder clinic in my town to which i am being referred to since february due to my relapse, and they said that the closest assessment that they can do for me is on the 4th of september. i started asking her if there is any other help that i can receive before the appointment such as therapy or medication for my anxiety attacks, to which she said, βsorry, canβt do much.β
i honestly got so mad and sad, so i hung up and cried into my pillow until my bf spent the next 2 hours trying to calm me down. this is fr ridiculous
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heading to my ed clinic right now, they gonna probably ask me to be here more often cuz even though ive gained weight in the past 5 months, i started losing it again, and theyβre on my ass abt it. anyways, i have been unstable af crying like melanieβs crybaby so gonna ask the nurse to make me see the GP again π«Άπ» hate meds but i think it is time to consider taking them again before i get too silly π (also i am trying to actually keep up with my uni so i canβt be in my harley queen era π€‘ gotta leave that in the past)
update: i did not lose that much weight since last time (thanks, water retention babe), and bcz of how busy her schedule is sheβll be seeing me in almost 3 weeks so i am happy with the results. although, she did tell me that my blood pressure is dropping again. yikes.
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One person's tone is off and suddenly I'm incapable of moving or feeling anything other than feelings as extreme as grief for hours on end and I'm unable to communicate or talk to people to be able to ask for help or reassurance to fix the problem. Why does my brain have to react this way
Having an abusive parent is hard bc even though they treat you badly there are times where things arenβt as bad, they treat you better or they buy you something so you end up feeling like crap bc you feel you were in the wrong and that whatever happened was your fault and that itβs you who should be better.
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