Upstart

In bed at 8:51

I have not felt freedom

in many ways

The girls met their sister

mom lost out

we talked for our tv time

It hit, burning and stinging harder and more than I could imagine

I screamed

turned toward home

I feel buzzy in my chest and solar plexus

exhausted yet low level wired

struggling to focus

with the fogged up windows

One nighters

The perfect time for deep conversation

space

I’m calm

staring at oddly angled, short walls

knowing I will MacGyver something

and I have time

but anxious to create something me

Listening to him purr in the couch

my stomach is lava

I can do this.

I will do this.

I’m doing it

better under pressure

a time crunch

I somehow did it all

Walk, antique shop, build a coat rack

Lead a very serious, very emotional conversation

Wash the dishes

garden for one hot second amidst wildfire smoke

Yoga because the anxiety is starting to take my breath away.

I need a swing and a hammock and clean air with reasonable temperatures as soon as possible.

She curls up into my ribcage

Hey hey mayonnaise girl

A clean slate

I remind myself

shaking about, twirling.

Does it matter if they all lie

make up stories

Smoke fills the humid air

making water vapor visible

Impossible to ignore the mounting headache

stinging eyes

Feeling of being on-call but not doing anything

The house is submerged

hot fog accumulating on every window and exterior surface

leaving trails of water droplets as it builds up overnight.

I keep looking toward the garden