Upstart

It is incredibly easy to be hard on myself for all the things I haven’t done

Two little sweeties have taken over the bathhouse

upturned a handful of things

Reliefs come

A small orange menace is testing me

after a long day with fun animals

a grey tree frog this morning

three fawns (including one the dogs chased)

and a road raccoon

Today, I am 35.

Unremarkable as far as days go.

Sick at home, worked, walked, built a felt cat condo.

A level of support I have not experienced

It’s an odd benchmark

for friends largely absent

We are doing what we can

resourcing

serving

staying when no one else has.

For a little treat

we go to bed at 8:30

NyQuil for the throat glass

Turns out, I’m here

doing the thing I have been working toward for 2.5 years intentionally

much longer, universally.

A real trip of a realization.

An arsonist and the new kid meet

tears ensue,

the psychopath or the first-timer?

I held eye contact through it all

setting expectations full of limits

And to prioritize me.

Eating, drinking,

taking breaks

naps

I don’t know if I can take it in anymore

the similarities in aspects

gore

violence

fear

rage.

I need wholesome

kindness

thoughtfulness

Sacred work.

Planting, weeding, watering, protecting, planning

It’s always worth it to spend time with the loved ones,

however long the drive

A day of growing into myself

Teaching and learning together

With zero of the aggressive nerves of the past.

Just a deep knowing

further recognition that now is a means to an end

and then, I do what I mean to do